So confused on what to do.

[fredandfrank]

Hello,
Just so confused and don’t know what to do.

I have been with my current partner a while and we are engaged, planning on getting married summer 2024. We have both said we absolutely would love to have children. I already have one from previous relationship.

I have just had a positive test very early 1-2 weeks. This is an unplanned pregnancy ideally we wanted to wait until married.

The timing just feels so off with this one we have a busy summer ahead next year with weddings and holidays and other events some of which of course we could take baby too others we would need to skip.

we just don’t know what to do? We are both so 50/50. I’ve looked into abortion and we’ve talked about keeping it but we are both so confused.

any help or friendly advice please?

It sounds like you're in a stable relationship and this is part of the long term plan. Sometimes waiting for the 'right' time to have a baby just means leaving things too late, because often there is no right time, just the time that you have. Babies are portable when they're small, they're often free under the age of 2 on airlines. Definitely don't make any sudden moves at this stage - making snap decisions on the basis of sudden expected life changes isn't usually a good idea, in my experience...

Two things stand out, that you definitely want children together and that you already have a child. It sounds as if there's not much reason to abort, as your family is already coming together and you will love that baby with all your hearts. So many brides are pregnant these days, there is nothing out of the ordinary about that. And people will understand if you can't come to every event if you have a new baby. This way the age gap will be smaller between your children and they'll be great playmates for each other. I wish you and your fiance my sincere congratulations - may life be an adventure for the two of you!

I think it sounds like you’re in a stable relationship and it’s on the cards anyway. I have 3 children, 2 miscarriages and now 1 termination. All 3 of my children came at times when we weren’t quite ready or expecting (especially the first!) and both my miscarriages were carefully planned this is the right time sort of thing.
I’m a great believer in that some things are meant to be and maybe this is one of them x

Just to add, having a termination I knew 100% it was the right thing to do and had no doubts.
I really hope you find the right path for you xx

I've written this elsewhere but if you're fit and healthy then why not? If you're planning for the future then why not now? It's so easy to say I want a child in 2024 preferably in the first 6 months but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. It could take you 1 month to conceive or 12 months. You could have a miscarriage. I'm just speaking from experience.