Hi everyone one,
I'm 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant I had my first scan yesterday. I didn't really want to go to it because of how indecisive I have been with this pregnancy but my partner wanted to go and hasn't a clue really about how I'm feeling even though we have spoken.
I've been feeling really low and down, feel worthless and can't seem to get happy and excited about this baby I feel awful but I can't help it. My mental health has deteriorated and has declined badly and I've not been myself for over two weeks, I currently have three boys already and my mental state has really affected how I've been a mum to them recently and I feel it's unfair being this way because I am unable to do the normal mum stuff on a daily basis. I don't get dressed, I don't go out, I'm always tearful and feeling low, I don't really speak and talk, I haven't smiled or been cheerful for a couple of weeks and I just feel it's not good at all. I feel I have to have a termination because of how it's badly affecting my mental state and how it's making me inadequate for my three children at the moment and I don't want this for another 6 months it's just unfair!
I never wanted another baby and I used the morning after pill which failed, I've had shit from family about me being pregnant and constant negativity about it which has made me feel worse! I just feel so low and feel I'm in a dark hole and cannot see the light. I just think maybe I should have this termination and then get sterilised because mentally it's made me really unwell. I hate the idea of it but I feel that's my only option.
Can anyone give me some advice?