Nearly 12 weeks pregnant HELP

[Leanne1191]

I’m nearly 12 weeks pregnant and I’m really not wanting to have this baby. I’ve tried to shake this feeling off but I can’t. I feel shit for feeling like this but I cannot help it. When I first found out I was happy and thought I wanted to keep it but then reality kicked in. I have three children already 12,9 and 7 and my eldest had additional needs he’s very hard work at the moment. I have been feeling so depressed since week 6 and haven’t left the house, struggling to eat, won’t get dressed, not sleeping well, just feel so low and sad and it’s because of this pregnancy. I’ve booked 3 times to have a termination but haven’t gone through with it because of my partner making me feel guilty about it (it’s his first child) he has said that it’s now a baby and it’s killing a baby, he kisses my stomach and don’t listen to me when o express my concerns about having another child, even though I have told him I don’t want it. He says it’s my hormones and that I’ll be ok it’s just a phase but I’m not excited and I know it sounds awful I don’t even care about this baby! I have my scan on Monday and I’m dreading it because I don’t even want to see the baby. I know also that I will be a single mum too because I can’t continue my relationship with this man as I’ve seen lots of red flags especially since I’ve had the positive pregnancy test. I have been through a lot in the past and since my eldest was 4 months I was a single mum and suffered with post natal depression, then I had my younger two and ended up a single mum again. I don’t want to end up a single mum to 4 including a newborn. I had planned my life too by the time I’m 40 I’ll be getting my life back! Kids will be older and I can start enjoying life again I’ve been a mum since I was 19 and have done it all already. My partner knew when I got with him that I didn’t want anymore children I mean I even took the morning after pill!! I just feel so low and I do feel shitty and guilty for even feeling like this but I can’t help how I feel, if I was to continue with this pregnant then it would be for him and that’s not fair. In all honesty I can just about cope with my three boys let alone adding a newborn too it. As I’ve said I’ve tried explaining to him all this but he just don’t get how I’m feeling or where I am coming from? I feel trapped and I hate it! 😞😞😞😞😞

Ugghh, I'm so sorry Leanne. Have you given your partner any hints that you don't plan to stay in this relationship? You might want to talk to him about your future together. You might also want to ask him if he would want to have primary custody of this child. A friend of mine was in your position, she already had three of her own and got pregnant with a guy she had only been seeing a little while. He did not have any children and really wanted the baby, and he surprised everyone and ended up being a very good dad. Their child would visit with his mom and brothers but the dad had main custody. If he really wants to be a dad maybe that would be a realistic choice for your family.

I have spoke to him about us and again he dismisses it saying he loves me and can’t lose me and all this then it makes me feel guilty again like I can’t leave him and it’s just this vicious circle and I don’t want to be with someone because of a baby and I don’t want to have a baby because of someone else. Whether he had custody of the baby I will still be his/her mum and then they will ask questions when they are older as to why they didn’t live with me and then that’s another issue in the future I have to deal with. This man has shown controlling and emotional abusive behaviours already and I don’t want to end up being stuck with him for the rest of my life, my kids don’t like him he can be way too much and very I’m right all the time. I’m just worried because I don’t want to regret having an abortion but I feel I don’t have a choice in this situation because a baby is not going to fix this situation and change how I feel 😞

I'm so sorry that this is going to be a hard choice whatever you end up doing. It's always scary to go through something not knowing how it's going to work out. I do think that you don't have to worry too much about the baby "being older and asking questions about why they didn't live with mum." These days, there are every kind of family. Single mum, single dad, two dads, raised by grandmother, raised by aunt and uncle, you name it. Plus your partner may remarry and there would be a stepmum. But don't let this man manipulate you into staying with him. You're not a teenager in love-- you have been through a lot in your life and you know that if you break up with this guy, he will move on, and you need to stay out of a bad relationship. Make it clear to him that you're not staying with him. Do it on the phone if it's too hard in person. He needs to know that you are not staying together because of the baby, and then you can talk realistically about the future of the pregnancy. Maybe talk to your doctor too and see if there is any anti-depression medicine that would be safe for you to take, it sounds like you are barely hanging on and sometimes meds can help a lot. Take good care of yourself!