Unexpected pregnancy

[getmeacupoftea]

I have just taken a positive pregnancy test. I've had an awful, stressful month with multiple other issues, the day I was supposed to get morning after pill was the day I had to do CPR on someone at work, and they subsequently died underneath me . So as you can imagine, I totally forgot all about going to the chemist .
My husband and I already have two beautiful children, who are almost 6 and 4. As you can imagine, I'm finally starting to feel the freedom of children becoming school age. Ds1 in year 1, Dd2 in last year of pre-school. I've been able to work a bit more, childcare is now no longer a huge outgoing every month. In a practical sense, it probably wouldn't be wise to continue with this pregnancy. Especially with the prices of everything sky rocketing. Some months we've really needed to be 2 income household to survive. We're a military family, so I've been working mainly zero-hour contract jobs as these are easy to maintain with moving every couple of years, it also means I can work the hours I'm able to around husband's deployments etc. But I think this also means I wouldn't be entitled to any SMP. I've only just started a new job too. I'm finding it so hard to make a decision, because my heart says yes, but the financial factor would be a big worry. I'm also worried about coping with 3 kiddies on my own when husband's away. I've got the pills to end the pregnancy coming by post but I feel so incredibly sad and guilty about taking them. My husband thinks it would be better for us to terminate. And I do understand his reasonings, I agree with him. But there's that tiny part of me that keeps remembering the joy that our babies gave us when they were small. I'm so pissed off we're in this situation mainly. I was really hoping to hear from someone who has maybe been in the same position?

I was in a similar position at the beginning of the year. I’d taken the morning after pill though, it didn’t work.

I had a termination but it was really hard. I didn’t want to go through with it as I knew I’d find it emotionally hard, I’d had one a long time ago. I also would have loved to have three kids. But I also absolutely did not want to be pregnant and ‘lose’ another two years to pregnancy and new borns. I worried about juggling work and three kids when I’m on the edge with two. We’d moved to a new area and I was starting to make friends and feel more like myself. We were finally going to have a bit of flex in our finances. Life was just going to be easier. My kids are great but the youngest is still at the unreasonable phase and I can feel like I’ve put out a million fires before starting work in the morning. It just felt too hard.

So I had the termination, which was physically fine, but emotionally very hard for me. It took me a while to get over it. I don’t think I’d make the same decision again but I’m also very glad that I don’t have to, if that makes sense. It was the right thing for us. And I’m much, much more patient and present with my children. My husband has had the snip now so that’s it for us.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It really does help getting other people's insights. Hope you're doing better now. X

I’m in a similar situation. 😢
I’m currently just over 5 weeks pregnant with an unplanned 4th.
We had decided 3 was more than enough and my DH had the snip 1 week after I must have conceived.
my head says to terminate…. Just can’t face going back 5 years to the sleepless nights, feeds etc and things are finally getting a bit easier. I also find 3 such hard work already, we’re already spread thinly … I think 4 would push us all over the edge.
But, there is this niggling doubt that I’ll really regret it and I know deep down I’d have to make it work if we continued.
really wishing I’d miscarry so that fate decided it.

I feel the same!! How are you feeling at the moment?

Sorry you’re feeling the same. I keep flip flopping from thinking termination is the right way to go and then thinking it’s a terrible idea. I really want to talk to my mum but just can’t.
Im currently waiting for my appointment to get the tablets. I’ve already decided I’m not taking them here… not sure what I’ll do if they insist. But planning on standing my ground. Want to have a final chat with DH.
We’d decided 3 was enough but that decision didn’t include having to go through this.
my husband is not keen at all and I do share all his concerns and totally understand where he is coming from, but any termination doesn’t turn back time. It’s still existed and I’ve still imagined having the 4 now. I do worry how it will affect my current children though… we’re just starting to have a bit more money and time to do nice things. It’s probably a selfish decision to have another and I’m just so tired at the thought of it all.

So basically, I’m feeling confused and conflicted, very sad and also very irresponsible that this has happened! I’m nearly 42 ffs!!

We are in exactly the same boat! Just can't make a decision. I feel exactly the same about being irresponsible, I said to my husband I'm pissed off, because we're not 16 anymore, I feel like we're too old to be having the "what should we do" conversations. Feel like we should be seeing this as a "happy accident" at our age but we're not. I think I'm going to take the first tablet tomorrow. I've given it a week of contemplation, and I figured if it's still causing so much anxiety and dread then I should go through with the termination. Still feel guilty and horrible though. Hope you come to the right decision for you soon. X

And although I think I'll regret the abortion and I'll take a while to mentally navigate it,
I figured that the easier regret to live with would be having the termination, rather than another child. But still an awful hard decision to make.

So…. The nurse explained to me that she couldn’t let me leave with the tablet and I had to take it there! I contemplated hiding it in my mouth!
She said she couldn’t give it to me anyway unless I was 100% sure, but I can go and come back another day if I wanted to.
I guess it was slightly pressured (from myself, not the nurse as she was lovely) and ultimately I really don’t want another baby, so I took it.
I have to say a few mins later I felt relief that it was in progress. I know the worst is still to come as the first one just blocks the growth hormone, but it’s started now and I’ve made the decision.
The nurse also said not to beat myself up, it’s ok to make a decision based upon my lifestyle and needs too… that’s why we have the choice, plus it aligns with our original decision (husband has had a vasectomy).
so although I’m still sad, I’m relieved. This is the right decision for me.

I hope you make a decision you are comfortable with too. X

I totally understand this.
Although any baby would be loved and adored, I still sometimes think how much easier our life would have been if we’d stuck at 2. We absolutely love all 3 of ours, but it’s hard work! I worry that we’d resent a 4th and regret not terminating. But yes, it’s a horrible decision to have to make. 😥

It sounds like youve done whats best for you in the end. Make sure you're able to set yourself up with some self-care over the next few days. Hope everything goes as smoothly as it can. X

Thank you.
Sending you strength too for whatever you decide. X