Two late abortions now wanting to get pregnant

[Needhelpaftermassivemistakes]

Had a abortion at 17 weeks in February this year as suffered with very bad depression and midwife made me feel so ashamed about me being overweight that really triggered me to make my decision.
After that abortion I completely regretted my decision and jumped straight back in to trying as everyone said I never get pregnant again and mentally I wasn’t ready but somehow I got pregnant again straight away. But yet again I got a abortion as sickness and depression set in again with having to have same midwife I just couldn’t face her, I asked for another one but got told she’s only one at my doctors so I aborted instead. I just couldn’t go through with how she made me feel and my god I regret it as at the clinic it turned out I was just gone 13 weeks.
I can’t believe how stupid I was but I know deep down I wasn’t ready physically and mentally and I know now I needed to wait before trying again but I honestly didn’t expect to conceive so quickly.
Now I’ve lost nearly 4 stone, my mental health is in a very good place and I’ve changed doctors so I know I will have a different midwife now or even if I didn’t I’m ready to face her.
But my concern is were I so stupidly went and had two late surgical abortion have I ruin my chance of ever conceiving again. Has anyone experience something similar? I know how selfish I was to do what I did and I’m ashamed of it but I know now it wasn’t the right time. So sorry for a huge read but just needed to get it of my chest.

I've been through a very similar experience. Had late term medicals, one was also at 17 weeks because my depression was crippling. The midwife made me feel so ashamed and felt like no one understood. My family really pushed me to make the decision as well. Was also due to have another this year but turns out I was over the deadline so now having to continue with the pregnancy while severely depressed with no support. You absolutely haven't ruined any chance of conceiving in the future, I've heard of a few who've had multiple late term surgical terminations and they've gone on to concieve naturally straight away. Such an awful thing to go through and I find very few understand what it's like to go through it late term

@Fuzzyhippo im so sorry to hear you are having to go through with it with no support. Not fair at all but I hope it will get easier for you I truly do. I found no one understands how horrible it is to feel like this and hard having no one that can relate to it.
Sorry to hear you had a unpleasant midwife as well it really does effect us when they meant to be there to support us not shame us. I was getting so anxious seeing her that that it truly made me even more unwell.
That’s good to hear, I’m hoping if/when I do get pregnant I’ve prepared myself enough and have spoken to my partner that he’s got to step up and help me through it as I need more support as I don’t want to keep repeating this horrible pattern. Depression is such evil thing and people don’t understand at all unless they gone through it themselves.
I hope the future will be bright for you just take one day at a time 💐