Emetophobic and having a medical abortion. Help needed please

[Swarm90]

Hi I’m a mum of 4. I’ve been surprised by an unplanned pregnancy. I already have at 10yr old an 8 yr old and twin 3.5yr olds. One of my twins has congenital heart defects. This is part of our decision to terminate as we have more open heart surgeries to come for him. I feel like the worst person for doing this but we just can’t risk the same thing happening again.
Im 6 weeks today according to the internal scan I had with Bpas yesterday.
I’m due to take my first abortion pill today and I’m so absolutely terrified that I’m going to vomit. I can’t deal with vomit at all. I’ve been prescribed anti skinless tablets.
does everyone vomit during this process? I’m so scared about throwing up that it is influencing my decision. Is anyone going through this right now ?

Hey Swarm, I'm sorry for what you're going through. You said you feel like the worst person for aborting-- does that mean if it wasn't for the heart defect issue, you would have another baby? Did the doctor give you the odds that another child would have a defect? Sometimes doctors are wrong, or getting a second opinion can be helpful. Just a thought because from your wording I wasn't sure if you would welcome a fifth child if you thought they would be healthy. Sorry but I can't help with the vomiting question. Hope the surgeries on your son go well and he will be doing better.

Hii thank you so much for responding🙂
The more me and my husband thought about this the more things where against it. As I said we already have 4 children. We’re not financially stable. We don’t have enough bedrooms in our house. We’ve gone through a lot and still have a lot to go through. I just couldn’t see another child. The chances of it happening again where higher than normal anyway. It just wasn’t right. My mental state hasn’t been good for the past 12-18 months, I think all we went through is catching up with me.
I feel guilty as hell, but this just wasn’t right. My gut feeling was off.

Hi @Swarm90 how did it go? I'm due to take the second lot of tablets today and I'm petrified. Haven't stop crying all morning. Hope you are well and everything went ok ❤️ x

@bigskydeepsea Hi hun. I’m so sorry your going through this. I was terrified absolutely petrified. I took the 2nd dose after having no side effects from this first. I started light bleeding about an hour before taking the 2nd . Anyway when through with it and laid flat for an hour to make sure they didn’t fall out. Within 2 hrs I was cramping but nothing I couldn’t handle. I started bleeding a little heavier about an hour before inserting the 3rd dose. Again laid flat for an hour to be sure. I started cramping more but nothing I couldn’t handle . I only took 1 cocodamol. (Scared of medication) I’d say the pain got to a 5/6 for me. I wasn’t bleeding much compared to the stories I’d read so rant the helpline and they just advised it would pick up within the next 24 hrs. I was 6 weeks and only passed a couple of tiny clots (smaller than pinky nail) the Monday morning I passed a small clot about the size of a 10 p. Now I’m just bleeding like a heavy period. I was expecting the worst. But it really wasn’t to bad. I’ll be here to hold your hand hun. Big hugs to you . You can do this. 😘 xxx

@Swarm90 thank you so much for replying! I feel so alone as I've not told anyone other than DH who is lovely and tries to be supportive but I don't think you fully understand the emotional/physical aspects of it unless your a woman. 😥 it's really reassuring that it was manageable for you. I've just been to the shops and stocked up on painkillers, pads, and some lucozade/snacks. I'm going to take the first 4 tablets at 5pm. My other DC will be around the house (probably in their rooms) and I'm just hoping they don't notice anything and I can manage it as well as you did.

I'm Just a mess today, can't stop crying 😢

You’ll be fine hun. I didn’t tell anyone other than my husband . I shipped my 4 kids off to my mums for the day. I’m terrible for working myself up and expecting the worst. Just tell yourself you’ll be ok and you will.
the Saturday after taking the 1st tablet I was regretting it but now I see it was just fear. I was so terrified. If it’s the right thing to do for you and family you’ll won’t regret. It’s a hard decision and it’s hard to process. You’ll be fine. I’m here to talk to all day and night. Xxxx

@bigskydeepsea how you feeling hun ? Xx

@Swarm90 sorry, I've been a mess all day. I took the first 4 at 5 and the second lot at 9.30 still only light bleeding and pains about 3/10 so I'm expecting it's going to get worse 😥 I've doses up on painkillers though so keep dozing off on the sofa. Just keep bursting into tears it's such a strange process I'm not regretting it just want it all over now so I can feel like me again. 😥 xx