I desperately need advise. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again, my first is only 4 months old.
I do not want to be pregnant and I am considering an abortion. I’ve always been against abortions although I don’t judge anyone if that’s the choice they feel it best. I feel terribly guilty but I don’t believe it would be right to bring a child into this world if they aren’t wanted. Ive tried to communicate my feelings with my partner and he’s made it perfectly clear he wouldn’t have anything to do with me if I went through with it. He would move out, he wouldn’t co parent with me for our first child so it would affect her upbringing and the relationship she has with both parents. He’s promised he wouldn’t help financially. (Would quit his job and apply for benefits so wouldn’t have to pay child support.)
Our relationship has been rocky for the last year or two, I feel we don’t communicate properly and things get swept under the rug more often than not. So when a problem arises I bottle it up until I can’t hold it in anymore and this results in horrible arguments. But when I do try my best to have a mature and polite conversation with him it goes in one ear and out the other and I’m left feeling completely alone and utterly miserable. Wishing I hadn’t mentioned anything at all. Every time I try to talk to him he reminds me about my childhood trauma. He constantly tells me I have mental health issues, I need to see a professional and pretty much every time I have a ‘problem’ with something, it isn’t a problem at all because I’m crazy and ‘normal’ people wouldn’t care about the things that I feel are important or find upsetting. Sometimes I’m left feeling like I am crazy and don’t think like a normal person does as a result I have contemplated seeking professional help but I simply can not afford it.
I don’t want to to make a decision that would split our family up and create a negative environment for my daughter. I would struggle very much to go through with an abortion and know I would need support getting through it. Unfortunately my family aren’t very supportive and I can’t bring myself to tell a friend or ask for support. But I just don’t want to have two children. I can barely support myself and my LO as it is. If we were to break up I wouldn’t be able to provide for 2 children. With the way things are going I have to be realistic and I feel it’s highly possible that we won’t be together by the time the second child is due to arrive if things don’t change.
I feel completely trapped, if I decide to abort, I will be breaking our family up and I would be completely on my own. I’d also hate myself for having an abortion. If I decide against abortion I'm petrified that I still may not want the baby once it arrives and we could end up breaking up anyway, Id be stuck with two children on my own that I can’t provide for.
Has anybody else been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? Any advise would be appreciated!