Reality sinking in

[MurrayTheMooCow]

Just tested after a missed period and it's positive, we literally had sex once in over a year 3 weeks ago. I've already got a 17 month old at home who took 9 months to conceive so I stupidly convinced myself that one night wouldn't do any harm (i know, im cringeing as i write this).

My partner and I haven't been getting on well, a combination of sleep deprivation and family issues and i nearly left him a week ago. I had a traumatic birth and pnd that I'm still getting over and I still struggle with dd sometimes so this couldn't have come at a worse time.

I've contacted BPAS to arrange an appointment but now I keep looking at that bloody test and thinking '... but you're not getting any younger...'

How do you convince yourself you're making the right decision? I don't want to talk to my partner about it because he's mentioned before that he doesn't want another. But then I think if I have the abortion without telling him I'm depriving him of something.

So much is going through my head right now. Financially I think we could just about afford it but then I suspect it might be the final nail in the coffin for our relationship in which case financially it would be a disaster. Then there's the psychic who told my mum I'd have twins next year.

Shit.

Sorry this is a bit of a ramble but I have noone in real life to talk to and I'm freaking out a bit.

Ah OP try not to spin out too much. I don't have any sage advice other than to focus on how you feel about having another baby - it's your choice. Your OH may have opinions but at the end of the day it's your body, you who has to go through childbirth and the recovery beyond. Take time - don't rush xxx

Agree, take your time. Would twins v a singleton make a difference to your decision?

By the time the baby is (hypothetically) born, you would have nearly a 2 year age gap.

How old are you? Do you want more children in the future?

Can you imagine yourself (and want to be) as a mum to a 2 year old and newborn?

Thanks for the replies. I honestly didn't expect this so I have no idea what to think. I was berating myself this morning for spending money on a test when I'll probably get my period tomorrow.

I'm 37, before I got pregnant I had a rosey idea of having 2 children, pregnancy and childbirth made me rethink that. Twins run in the family and I've been told they're a high possibility.

I'm trying to run through all the positives and negatives but there are so many negatives. Dd has a health condition that could affect future siblings too. Fingers crossed they caught it in time for her and it's resolved but I hate the idea of potentially subjecting a sibling to operations and all sorts.

I speak to a lot of mums at playgroups who have had more children quickly and they all agree it's so much harder with the second.

Wow this isn't what I imagined I'd be thinking about today...