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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Unwanted pregnancy

14 replies

Elsie381 · 06/09/2022 00:10

I am 38 and just found out today that i am pregnant. I already have 2 children who are both in secondary school. I am certain that I do not want to continue with this pregnancy and have already contacted an abortion clinic to terminate. I know that I need to tell my partner, but Im worried that he will be upset about my decision and try to convince me to keep the baby, but I just dont think that I can do it all again. I was just starting to feel like I was getting some part of myself back after being just mum for so long. I have not long started back full time at work and now that my children are less reliant on me can really start to progress in my career after putting in on hold. How can I tell my partner? Am I just being selfish?

OP posts:

Hairyhat · 06/09/2022 00:19

You're certainly not being selfish. It's your body and ultimately your choice. Hopefully your partner will support you but if not, list all the points you've said here. Explain the different dynamic another mouth to feed will bring as well as the lack of sleep, holidays, transport etc that a family of 5 suffers vs a family of 4. How old is he? Does he already have children?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 00:20

Some may disagree with me and that's fine, but I do not agree that you must tell your partner. This is a medical issue that is yours alone to deal with. If you don't want to tell him, or feel you can't due to possible pressure or abuse, don't tell him. This is your body, you do what's best for you.

Unicorn717 · 06/09/2022 00:27

If he would understand and be there for you then I would speak to him about it but if you feel like he would try and convince you differently and you know for sure you don't want this, I wouldn't bother. It's your choice.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2022 00:33

You don't have to tell him.

Would I? Yes. Because DH would see it as entirely my choice. But if yours wouldn't, you can decide not to.

MaydinEssex · 06/09/2022 00:33

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2022 00:20

I agree with you, a baby should be wanted, don't tell him, what he doesn't know won't hurt him

Clymene · 06/09/2022 00:35

I don't think you need to tell your partner. Your contraception failed and you're dealing with it. He doesn't need to know

moneybeingwasted · 06/09/2022 00:39

I personally think that the father should be given the chance to express his opinion, even if you disagree, it is his child as well 😳

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2022 00:40

moneybeingwasted · 06/09/2022 00:39

I personally think that the father should be given the chance to express his opinion, even if you disagree, it is his child as well 😳

It's not a child, it's a fetus. And if the plan is to abort, his opinion would be entirely discounted. That's just cruel really.

Unicorn717 · 06/09/2022 00:50

moneybeingwasted · 06/09/2022 00:39

I personally think that the father should be given the chance to express his opinion, even if you disagree, it is his child as well 😳

But if she's 100% sure and wanted to go through with it what would either of them be getting out of it if he turned about and said that he wanted another baby? She doesn't need to feel bad about making the right choice for her.

Original poster

Elsie381 · 06/09/2022 06:38

Thank you for replying. My partner is 39 and my children are his. I really do want to tell him, but worry that he will want to keep it. He has recently started treatment for depression due to PTSD from past trauma. I know that ultimately this is my decision to make, but dont see how I can keep something so big from him.

OP posts:

Hairyhat · 06/09/2022 09:22

I also agree that you don't have to tell him. No need to hurt him.

Raindrops2015 · 06/09/2022 09:27

I think you should tell him because it is a traumatic event and it's not something you should go through. It's much more than a medical issue. Not telling him and going through this alone could affect your mental and emotional well being for years to come leading to more secrets. It could destroy your relationship if you shut him out.

Branleuse · 06/09/2022 09:28

do you think he will pressure you to continue the pregnancy. Do you think it will cause conflict rather than telling him in order to have his support?
I think if you do tell him, it would be worth telling him but being very clear from the start that you 100% do not want to continue with it and you hope he can support you through this like as thats what you need from him, and youre telling him for that reason so please dont make it more difficult than it needs to be

OrigamiSnowball · 06/09/2022 18:43

Even if you want the abortion, you may still feel sadness and grief afterward. If he has no idea why you're sad, he can't help and may invent all kinds of reasons in his mind. I hope you'll tell him what's happening so that you don't have to hide a huge secret like this. If he truly loves you for better or for worse, he will want to work things out.

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