Scared of having another baby with new partner

[Lg1227]

Hi Mums,

I have two children aged 3.5 and 5.5 with my ex fiancé. When my youngest was 4 weeks old he left for nearly 3 years. I tried extremely hard and remained hopeful that we would be a family again but I was constantly let down for too long that i accepted things were they way they were and finally let go after the 2 year mark.

About 8 months ago he came back into our lives with the intention that we would pick up where we left off but i have since met someone else and he is still not happy about it but is being there for the kids. We had a rough go for about 6 months but seem to be getting to an okay place. He still tries to tell my boys things to not like my boyfriend but He is also engaged and living with his partner.

A few days ago I found out that I am pregnant and I am very torn with what to do. I always wanted to have a third but when I became a single mum i accepted that it may never happen and became content with my life to the point where I think i could be okay with not having one.
I also got very used to it being just me and my boys that I have some fears around adding another one. I worry that the boys will have a hard time accepting a new addition, that they will feel abandoned, less loved etc. Right now the boys are with me 80 percent of the time and i see that happening for a good while but I worry when my ex finds out that he will try and use it and turn my boys against me so that they will want to be with him more. And lastly part of me is just happy with how my life is right now so the unknown and changes that come along with having a new baby just absolutely terrify me. My partner really would like to have it and go on that journey with me but i just dont know if i can do it.

Thank you for letting me vent and if anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it xx

Hello... I didn't want to read and run because I find myself in a somewhat similar position. Background: widoeed seven years ago, my children are now 11 and 9. Recently remarried, recently pregnant, unplanned. I'm very torn too, and struggling to make a decision. Mainly because I am afraid and overwhelmed and the thought of starting again is so daunting. You have my sympathies and I wish you all the best, whatever you decide.

Having had 4 kids in a stable and secure relationship, now that I’m older and a bit wiser, I think more kids is not always a blessing and life can be very very hard. And it can be so hard that lots of things both break and don’t just ‘work out ok’. Even with all the support and resources in the world I still find it hard.

Its really for you to decide. And you will cope somewhat either way. I guess it’s mostly down to how you want your life to be and how much risk you will take.

My DC were 12 and 9 when I had DC3 with a new partner. They were thrilled and didn't feel pushed out in any way. All three are really close now they are older. I was at secondary school when my only sibling was born. I never felt second best and loved having a baby in the house. Go for it!

Hi LG and Sapphire, I hope you are both doing okay. I'm glad you have both found better, more loving partners. There is something nice about having a child together with someone you love, a baby who is made of you and him. If the primary worry is how the older children/previous partner will react, I hope you won't be anxious about that. I think the children will most likely be pleased to have a new sibling around. I was seven years old when my youngest sister was born and it was so exciting (there was a middle sister as well). My friend has four boys and they were always close despite a nine-year difference between oldest and youngest. A mom's love is enough for all her children, it doesn't run out like a pizza or a cake. If your fears are mostly about being able to love them all, I don't think those are fears that would come true. There are so many testimonies on this site saying "I took the first pill and immediately regretted it." I just don't want that to happen to either of you, if part of you wants these children. I pray you will be able to think clearly and follow your hearts. 💜