Why do I feel so sad and guilty?

[Bluebal]

I'm unexpectedly pregnant, 28 with 2 DC already. I had the copper coil inserted earlier in the year, noticed recently I couldn't find the strings so went to my GP who sent me for a pelvic ultrasound last week, no coil visible on scan so now need to go for an xray as it's either fallen out or perforated my uterus. I was then 2 days late for my period and with everything going on, I POAS last night and it was very definitely positive.
I am gutted. I am very certain that I can't continue with this pregnancy and an abortion is the right thing to do but I feel so sad and guilty. My DP has been so understanding and brilliant, he has said that whatever I decide he is behind me 100%. We could have this baby, financially we would just about manage but I don't want to just manage, we have a comfortable quality of life. I don't want my youngest to become a big brother, he's nearly 2 and I still see him as my baby. And selfishly I think it would ruin my career which since DS I have worked so hard to build up, I love what I do and don't want to take time away from work again. But I just feel so sad and guilty about making this decision. I feel stupid for even being in this position and other than my DP there is no one in RL I can talk to about this.

Hi @Bluebal
It is perfectly normal to feel that way. I think any emotions are valid in this situation tbh whatever they may be. I had a termination two months ago, we too ‘could’ have had the baby but it’d have been risky financially. You are making the decision for the benefit of your existing children, who always should come first IMO when making this type of choice. I felt sad and guilty too, and I still do. It sounds like you have taken the time to think about your options and consider how each one will affect you. If you haven’t given it much time I would definitely say take a few days, if at all possible, to think of all angles and let the news sit with you.
Take care OP

Thank you @scaredandanxious01 for taking the time to reply, you won't even realise the comfort your message gave me. My DP has got quite upset this afternoon, we're going to sit and take a look at finances tonight to see if there is any other option, but I don't want there to be, I just want this all over and done with now.
I cuddled my DS to sleep tonight and realised that I don't want him to come second to a newborn like his sister had to for a while to him (she doesn't now but for a while it was just the way it was when I was dealing with a tiny baby and she was 7 at the time). I feel very matter of fact that I just want to arrange the appointment and it be over with.

Hi @Bluebal

I don't have much to say other than please don't feel guilty. It's not your fault your coil has failed.

Do what is right for you. Imagine your life in a year's time and see how each option looks.

Whatever you decide, please don't beat yourself up. x

What a horrible situation to find yourself in. Do what is right for you, for your family. It might help to not think of this as a "baby". ❤️

I think you need to make sure your husband is clear that even if finances allow you don't want this. By you saying you hope there isn't a way when looking at the money side of it, you seem to know what you do and don't want.

I've never had to have an abortion but I have 2 children, the coil and DH has had the snip. I love the quality of life that we have and I would hate to compromise that for my children by adding in another.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but just make sure it is right for YOU. You're the one who would be sacrificing the most for another baby.

I just thought I would come back to update, we have decided to go ahead with an abortion, I am feeling OK in the decision, ultimately I am making it for my children. I had to have a scan first today, I'm 6+4 currently. I have a call booked in tomorrow to book whether I want a surgical or medical procedure. I just want this over with now, DP is really struggling, but we have paid for private counselling for him, it's not really helping at the moment but he is still being supportive.