Regret….sort of

[Sunshineandroses5]

No idea who to turn to so I’m posting here.

Had an awful HG pregnancy at the start of the year where I nearly died and we ended the pregnancy to save my life.

Thought I wanted to ttc again, fell pregnant and all I could do was focus on the negatives. I was having panic attacks and couldn’t think straight. I think I might have PTSD from the experience at the start of the year. I ended this pregnancy too and although I felt relieved as I don’t want to be pregnant, I am so incredible sad and upset as I want a baby. Does that make any sense?

Hi OP
Yes that makes sense to me. I think it’s very common to have a termination and then want to get pregnant again after. I had one as I already had a newborn . Then five years later I got pregnant again then had another termination and have had ptsd from it. The whole experience was awful . But now lately I have been longing for another baby and I just want to be pregnant again. I think a lot of it is just hormones and just being maternal.
If you nearly died for HG that must have been really traumatic. Did you have any help or counselling after ? X

@Threebutterflies sort of I had a few counselling sessions but they ended and I honestly thought I was alright. Getting pregnant again made me realise I am not ok with it at all. I can’t believe I panicked like I did, the hot and cold sweats and just shaking. It was absolutely terror is the only way I can explain it.

I have reached out to two places for some help and hoping I can come to terms with the situation. Whether that be content that we can’t have any more kids (most likely) or ttc again (at the moment I don’t think this will ever happen). Just the idea of falling pregnant even though I want a baby fills me with dread.