To tell dp or not

[shessocinfused]

Im unplanned failed contraception 8 weeks pregnant and sure that a medical abortion is the right thing to do.

I have a ds already, horrific childbirth, not great pregnancy and combined enough to put me off having any more.

Dp understands my stance on no more children, but thinks i will change my mind in a few years and we can have another when DS starts school.

I dont want anymore, im sure of this. On the pill awaiting appointment for coil fitting and its failed.

I have a tc booked with NUPAS tomorrow to get a posted medical abortion. My minds made up, i feel only relief but i havent told my dp. I dont know why i havent told him, i think he would support the decision at this point in our lives a new baby wouldnt be ideal but his need/want for another makes me wonder if he would be inclined to try and convince me to keep it.

Haven't told anyone in rl for a multitude of reasons, but im worried not telling him could ruin our relationship especially if i have a bad abortion and end up hospitalised as i have done with previous natural miscarriages due to blood loss.

It depends on your relationship. If you don't think he will be supportive, haven't told your dp about the pregnancy then no need to tell him about the abortion, imo. If you have told him then you need to obviously tell him what your decision is.
It sounds as though he perhaps doesn't respect your feelings about more children, which is worrying, particularly if you have previous traumatic experiences. Is he hoping you will change your mind, and why would he think you would want to start all over again with a newborn when your dc is at school?

Thanks for replying

He doesnt know about the pregnancy.

I think he's hoping time, change in financial pressures (childcare only one child) etc will soften my resolve.

He has said he accepts it, but also that he would really like another in the future when the times right.

I think you need to tell him. It’s 100% your body and your choice, but that’s half his child and he has the right to no xx

From your reply, if he doesn't know about the pregnancy then don't tell him. The pregnancy isn't established yet. Your gut instincts are to deal with this quietly, and whilst I know my dh would be supportive of my decision you know your dp better than anyone. 🌺

I’d be inclined to not tell. If you need to be hospitalised, it’s a miscarriage, you hadn’t realised you were pregnant.

But be clear you aren’t changing your mind on more children. Personally I’d look into tubal ligation and tell him that’s your intended path if you are 100% sure (I had mine done recently but I know some areas are easier than others). He needs to be able to decide on if he stays without false hopes.

Agree with JustAnotherViper