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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

No positive test yet but...

5 replies

Ivegottagoforaliedown · 12/07/2022 19:41

I'm convinced I'm pregnant. My first little boy is only 9.5 months old and I can count on two hands maximum the amount of times my partner and I have had sex since he was born. However about a 9 days ago we had a contraceptive failure and according to an online calculator it would have been in my fertile window.

I'm having light cramps, exactly as I did with my little boy. Too early to test yet but I feel like I am pregnant. We wanted to wait at least a couple of years if we were going to have a second.

I know logically if I'm pregnant I should have an abortion because:

  • my partner doesn't want another so soon (but says he will support me whatever I decide)
  • my family are doing some of my childcare when I return to work part time and I can't put 2 under 2 on them.
  • I'm not even back at work yet so I'd be going back pregnant (not that I'd judge anyone else for this) but I was hoping to apply for another post which is a 12 month contract in our NHS Trust. If I was pregnant I'm not sure where I'd stand.
  • We aren't in poverty but aren't exactly rolling in it! We'd manage though.
  • Both my partner and my sister think it wouldn't be fair on our son to have another so soon. He is a very active little boy who wants a lot of attention!


But - I know I wouldn't want an abortion.


Hopefully I'm not pregnant because I can't see a solution.

Any advice?!
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heartbroken22 · 12/07/2022 23:06
  1. you've told us what you're partner wants but what do you want?
  2. could one of the kids go nursery full time?
  3. if you for it would they cover your maternity?
  4. money wise I think you should be okay. We used to spend a lot on dd1 and then when dd2 came it's just been evened out. It's hard with the rising costs but we just adjust things.
  5. I wanted my dd1 to have all the attention but when she was 2.5 she met her cousin for the first time and we realised she needed a sibling. You'd have an 18 month age gap which is good they'd have a playmate. I wanted my dc3 to have an 18 month age gap with dd2 but it hasn't worked out. Got pregnant when she was 14 months but had such bad hg that we had to tfmr. If pregnancy treats you well than why not. But at the end of the day it's upto you. I'm just giving you another perspective.
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heartbroken22 · 12/07/2022 23:06

3)If you went for it*

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Ivegottagoforaliedown · 12/07/2022 23:11

heartbroken22 · 12/07/2022 23:06

  1. you've told us what you're partner wants but what do you want?
  2. could one of the kids go nursery full time?
  3. if you for it would they cover your maternity?
  4. money wise I think you should be okay. We used to spend a lot on dd1 and then when dd2 came it's just been evened out. It's hard with the rising costs but we just adjust things.
  5. I wanted my dd1 to have all the attention but when she was 2.5 she met her cousin for the first time and we realised she needed a sibling. You'd have an 18 month age gap which is good they'd have a playmate. I wanted my dc3 to have an 18 month age gap with dd2 but it hasn't worked out. Got pregnant when she was 14 months but had such bad hg that we had to tfmr. If pregnancy treats you well than why not. But at the end of the day it's upto you. I'm just giving you another perspective.

Thank you! I'm not sure about the 12 month contract, its actually someone else's maternity cover!! I could stay in my current post however.

My little boy loves other kids, already I can see how sociable he is. I think he would cope well although he would be very young still.

I'd definitely want to keep the baby if I was pregnant, but I'm afraid that my partner would resent the situation, even if he would never admit it. However having a termination for someone else isn't a good idea I know!

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heartbroken22 · 12/07/2022 23:24

After the age of 1 when they're 14 months ish they're more independent...

I think men speak their mind and he would have said terminate if he wanted you to but because he said it's upto you then I wouldn't worry.

When I went for my scan I met a nurse with 2 under 2 and wondered how she managed it and she said childcare and parents help.

Are you normally okay in pregnancies or do you have a tough time?

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Ivegottagoforaliedown · 13/07/2022 07:58

My first pregnancy wasn't too bad really, the worst bit was today restless legs towards the end! I ended up with a c section though so I'm not sure if it's safe to be pregnant this early?!

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