17 weeks - I am distraught and terrified

[Frif]

I posted before.

I didn't know I was pregnant until 1st July. Had a scan at BPAS on the 7th. Turns out I am 13+3 weeks. I had a phonecall appointment today and the soonest appointment they can give me is in August when I will be 17+5 weeks pregnant.

I have phoned various other clinics and no sooner appointments available.

I am just devastated and so so frightened. I had no idea I was pregnant, I have irregular periods and had a negative test in May. No symptoms.

I feel absolutely fucking horrific and really stupid.

I need to put my existing children first. I can't have another baby, I just would not be able to cope. I have no family or friends to support me. But I already have a bump, when I lie in bed I can feel it inside me. I'm scared I'll become attached to it. I am just non-stop crying all the time.

Or is there somewhere else I can ask for help if no one on MN can give me advice or even just a handhold

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no advice but wanted to offer a hand hold. You are not stupid, as you say you didn't know, how could you have known?

Are the clinics offering counselling?

Oh you poor thing! This sounds incredibly hard.

Are you able to travel and so widen the range of clinics you’re calling? Could you ask to be offered an appointment if anyone cancels? Have you tried private providers as well as NHS?

Waiting till 17 weeks is unbelievable. Someone must be able to help you before then! I’m sorry this is happening to you.

I was offered an appointment 400 miles away on the 28th July but I have no one to care for my children while I have the procedure.

I have savings to pay privately but the one place I called wouldn't accept the scans etc. from BPAS and would want to restart the process from the beginning so I would still be in the same position.

I can hold your hand.

Can you give some idea of where you are located and people may have other suggestions. Mine would be ask to go on cancellation lists at every clinic local to you.

Also if you have funds to pay privately, could you instead use those funds to pay for someone to care for your children while you travel further afield??

Hugs to you.

I still think, if you want an abortion, this is worth doing everything it takes to get it done asap. How old are your kids? Do you have any contacts at all who could help? Especially if you explained what was going on?

And the private option - when could they fit you in? I know it’s not ideal to have to get rescanned but if they could do that and then you could access the abortion the next day, could that be worth the hassle and extra expense?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Here for the handhold. Have you tried other clinics? Bpas didn't help me, msi didn't in the end it was NUPAS that helped me.

I was thinking about driving the 400 miles but it would take about 6-7 hours. I could drive overnight but the midwife I spoke to said I would not be able to drive back the same day as the procedure because of the anaesthetic. So while I can get a babysitter for the daytime, overnight would be more difficult. My DC's grandmother might be able to do it but I could never tell her why, she is vehemently anti-choice.

Waiting for a call back from another private clinic and also from an NHS provider.

I know it sounds like I'm making excuses but the logistics just feel almost impossible.

I feel like an absolute fool, sick to my core. Even though everyone at BPAS has been so kind and non-judgemental this wait feels like a punishment and I feel immensely guilty and like I should be punished for being so stupid and not realising I was pregnant sooner.

This is definitely healthcare letting you down, you didn’t know and that’s just what happened. This could happen to any of us. Try not to blame yourself and keep going, I am sure you’re getting closer and closer to a solution.

Could you lie to your kids’ GM about the reason for travel? Are you sure there’s no-one from your younger life who might help you? If an old friend I hadn’t been in touch with for a long time asked me for a favour for this reason I would do everything I could to help.

I should say of course, that if you think deep down you don’t want to have an abortion, you will also find a way to cope. But it sounded to me that you needed help accessing healthcare and you should have that help.

Bloody hell that’s ridiculous. I’m so sorrry for you . I’d just keep ringing around for cancellations. Although don’t understand why a private clinic can’t help you ? I totally understand how hard it can be to get childcare when you don’t have much support.
what part of the country are you in?

I had a medical at 17 weeks with BPAS, it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and needed a huge amount of support afterwards. I was 21, living at home and never had a job so would've been unrealistic to think I could keep him but was still a very sad time. The waiting times are just ridiculous, I recently had to wait 5 weeks just for a phone consultation

That’s awful OP, can’t believe you have to wait that long. Hopefully someone can offer further advice, take care 💜

I still haven't been able to get an earlier appointment.

I can feel itr moving inside me sometimes and its so hard to deal with

I'm so sorry you're going through this x