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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Too late for termination and worried I won’t cope

13 replies

UtterlyButtel · 07/07/2022 12:28

I panicked and booked a termination at 19 weeks as I felt I couldn’t cope. Had almost zero care for the baby at all.

I couldn’t go through with it, I am not sure why. Not sure it was for care for the baby as I feel no love there but I think it was just fear.

I am now even further on and in a mental health crisis. I’ve talked to midwives etc and have mental health support but nothing helps. I can’t cope with this. I am totally alone as ex left 6 weeks in

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heartbroken22 · 07/07/2022 13:17

Are you okay? First of all congratulations for being strong. I terminated my baby at 8 weeks and the guilt I have is immense. I was really sick. Seeing it from the other side it's not easy. It feels like I committed suicide. You must have cared for the baby to not terminate. The depression and mental trauma on my side is awful. I can't sleep. I keep thinking. Would you be okay feeling like this?

You've gotten this far without help from your ex. You will cope because you have coped. It will be hard but it get easier I promise x

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UtterlyButtel · 07/07/2022 13:20

@heartbroken22 hope you are ok. So sorry you are going through that. I had a termination years ago at a similar time and that is in part why I couldn’t do it again. But I really have no love for the baby at all :( I honestly keep thinking maybe something terrible might happen. I am such a mess.

No amount of support helps me i feel totally broken

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newbiename · 07/07/2022 13:24

What about having the baby adopted if you feel like you won't be able to cope ?

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HailAdrian · 07/07/2022 13:26

I think looking into adoption is the best option at this point then?

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Viviennemary · 07/07/2022 13:27

I agree with looking at adoption as a possibility.

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Happytap · 07/07/2022 13:42

Do You have any friend and family around? You do not need a partner to be able to cope with a baby.

if you would like to fall in love with your baby I’m sure there are ways you can do that as time goes on, or you can think about adoption or foster care if you are adamant you don’t want the baby.

I get from your post that you want to be able to cope and you want to love your baby but obviously it’s hard to tell over a forum.

in an ideal world what would you like?

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bakesk · 07/07/2022 13:53

I felt very detached from my first child when I was pregnant and cried a lot. It's a big change. It's hard to know how you'll feel when the baby is born - I felt more of a protective instinct than the love you hear people talk about, this developed over a few months. Had the instant love thing with my second. Raising a kid alone is easier than with someone who you aren't meant to be with though.

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WarmJuly · 07/07/2022 13:53

I had a friend who felt the same. The day her DC was born, he was taken into care and a few days later she was back at work in her professional job. Six weeks later I saw her with a baby in a sling and she was beaming when she introduced me to her DC. She had had a massive change of heart and decided she did love and want him. You cannot predict how you will feel about the baby when it arrives.

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Floydthebarber · 07/07/2022 13:57

Don't let the lack of love for your unborn baby now make you think that you won't love it at all.

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Floydthebarber · 07/07/2022 14:00

Sorry, hit post too soon. A huge amount of women feel nothing towards their unborn babies, even in planned and much wanted pregnancies. It is a very normal reaction and doesn't mean that you won't be able to cope.

Flowers

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UtterlyButtel · 07/07/2022 14:04

Thanks this is a bit reassuring @Floydthebarber @Happytap @WarmJuly @bakesk

i am so devastated over the fact my ex left days after we found out. I thought i would be over it after a few months but it seems to have got worse. I think maybe on one level I thought he would take an interest down the line at least in the baby. It makes me feel distraught that he hasn’t bothered. I feel so daunted and never imagined a pregnancy would be like this.

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KleineDracheKokosnuss · 07/07/2022 14:13

Wait and see how you feel after the birth, and just remember that adoption is very much a possibility. Your child is alive because of you, but if you can’t raise it you will be helped to ensure it goes to someone who can.

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heartbroken22 · 07/07/2022 20:39

@UtterlyButtel never ever let a man make you feel that way. You don't need him. Are you still grieving that relationship? Hopefully once the baby arrives you'll feel different.

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