Abortion or keep?

[Anna1998]

Hi all, I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant and I’m slightly far along around 13 weeks. I’m 23 and my boyfriend is nearly 25. We’ve been together for 2 years and even though we argue a bit we do really love each other. I’ve always wanted to be a mum but right now I feel really anxious. I only graduated from uni last year and even though I’m in full time work I don’t have any savings or money as my boyfriend and I are renting and bills are high. My boyfriend also is working full time as an estate agent. I’m worried about money situations if we keep this baby as we aren’t finically stable. Even tho my boyfriend has a good job it wouldn’t be enough to support us all or pay rent just on his salary and we couldn’t afford child care either. I’ve had my scan and I saw my babies heartbeat which makes it such a hard decision as I know I will love this baby so much but is it fair to bring this baby into life where it won’t be easy? Really stuck on what to do please help with advice and no bad comments please I’m already crying every day with the weight of this decision

Oh, that's really hard.

Only you can make this decision, obviously.

Financially it sounds like things are tight, but people raise children in less than ideal circumstances all the time. What would your maternity pay be like? Do you have any family support? What does your boyfriend think?

keep.

At the end of the day it's your decision and no one can tell you what to do on an online forum- anyone who does should be ashamed because it's easy from the outside looking in to advise their opinion but it's something you and your boyfriend should decide between you!

Have a look into the maternity pay side of things, also have a look if you would be eligible for universal credit- they can help with rent costs, childcare costs etc if you're eligible

Would you qualify for any benefits OP if you couldn’t work for a bit?
Its easy to panic but maybe do a search on a benefit calculator. Find out your maternity pay entitlements.
Your child/you will get Child Benefit (not much!) but there may be Universal Credit entitlements if you can’t work.
Other than that, have you got people close to talk it over with?
On the one hand, money isn’t everything and babies don’t care. On the other hand, you want the best start.
Personally I would never let money make any decisions for me (it’s too easy come easy go for all sorts of reasons). There are economical ways of doing baby things.
BUT it is life changing- in good ways and bad (they don’t stay small for ever and you’ve got them for life).
Could you talk it over with a counsellor? Your mum?

Ultimately, only you and your boyfriend can make this decision.
As someone else has said, people have raised children with less money than you so it is possible.
DH and I have a 7 month old. DH has been out of work since before COVID but decided to be a stay at home dad. I work full time. We still rent, but we put aside money every month for savings. We'll probably never be able to afford our own home because of rent and bills, but we're ultimately happy.
Do you have family nearby who can help with childcare?
It sounds like you're going to love this baby so much. Speak with your boyfriend and, if you're both on the same page, go for it!

Thank you for the replies, so I’m in a bit of a tricky one here as I’ve only just started my current job just over a month ago (left my last job before I found out I’m pregnant) so I’m not sure if I would even qualify for maternity pay but my sister said I may be able to get help from government? I do have a really supportive family and my boyfriends mum said she would always help us but it’s not like we both come from any money. It’s hard as I just know if money wasn’t an issue I would be so excited at this news. I just know it’s going to be hard and we would most likely have to find another place to live as wouldn’t be able to stay in our current flat just on his salary. I know in my heart I don’t want to but I keep thinking maybe termination is what’s best as this wouldn’t be a fair life on this child. But I also know I am far along and the process of it would be traumatising. Has anyone had an abortion at this stage? Will it stop be from being able to have a baby in the future when I’m more finically stable?

If you are eligible for universal credits then you will be eligible for assistance with childcare universal credits pays up to 85 percent of your childcare bill. Don't do anything and make any decisions before you find out about benefits you may well be entitled to and help with paying childcare costs. If both parents work and you aren't entitled to benefits you will be entitled to 20 percent off childcare by registering to pay via tax free childcare. Babies don't tend to cost much as they need very little. It's long term as they get older they become more expensive. You may well be feeling overwhelmed and anxious but I would suggest you sit down with your partner and look at finances and help you can get before you decide either way. All the best to you.

Having a termination at this stage will not affect your future fertility. Only you can decide how it is likely to affect you emotionally. If you are going to have one, the sooner the better.

Does your boyfriend want to keep the baby? What is he like as a partner? If you weren't pregnant right now, could you honestly see yourself raising a child with him in 5, 10, 15 years' time? Do you think he would make a good dad?

Op their is also Maternity Allowance, which is similar to SMP, SMP is paid via your employer and includes 90% of your income for first 6 weeks.
MA is whatever SMP is after the 6 weeks.

I think he will be a great dad, he’s amazing with children and has always said he wants to be a dad one day. We used to talk about how we would love to start our own family when we were ready. Birth control failed us on this occasion. He is similar to me, he is excited at the thought of this baby and felt really emotional seeing the scan but also is very worried about money. Every day he comes home from work stressed out with the pressure of it all

Also thank you again to everyone replying with advice X

Another thing to add- I’ve been looking at other threads similar to this and as well as money I get stressed with other issues such as none of my friends are in this situation so I’m worried I’ll feel alone or isolated and will miss out on my ‘best years’ like going out or travelling (I never had a gap year but I’ve always wanted to travel) and was planning for it before I found out I was pregnant. These are things that I will lose and I just can’t believe this is happening right now

Wanting to go travelling and do other things before you settle down is a legitimate reason for deciding not to have a baby right now.

You can of course still travel, but it wouldn't be in the next few years. Realistically you'd be doing it with an older child - which could be amazing - or in your 40s. You could potentially have regained your freedom and be able to travel and enjoy yourself in your 40s when some of your friends are still knee deep in nappies. It won't of course be exactly the same experience as travelling in your 20s. If what you want is to go to full moon parties and you don't mind paying peanuts to sleep in a cockroach infested hostel, then no, you won't be doing that either with kids or in your 40s. But you may on the other hand have more disposable income to go to better places and splash out a bit more.

If you have a baby now you may well grow apart from your current friends who are at a different stage of life, but you will make new friends through baby groups and your child's school.

As I said before, nobody can make this decision for you.

Either way, you need to make a decision, and then when it's made, embrace it.

I think you need more information before deciding. What are your rights to maternity leave and pay in your contract? How much would a nursery place cost in your area? Could your partner take an extra job in the evenings? What is his paternity leave like? It might be that you can take 5-6 months off and that he will also be entitled to quite a bit of time, possibly also paid relatively ok, during which time you can return to work. How much support could family provide in terms of childcare to help you work? Babies apart from childcare are not expensive, you can easily live in a one bedroom place for the first couple of years, and at age three they should be entitled to 15 free hours of childcare per week (which will be handled differently from nursery to nursery). You might find a childminder is cheaper too. I found it quite ok to keep up friendships with non- parent friends when we just had one quite young kid. The difficulty arose when I had a couple of kids who were young, and that was the point I started to socialise more with other families because it was easier!!

I think once you know how much money you would need and how far off you are from that, then you can make a call on what the quality of life would be like for you. But honestly as long as baby/toddler is clothed and fed and has a clean warm home and parents who love and play with them, they don't need more. Being really hard up at that stage is mostly hard on the parents (although I'm not at all underestimating how hard it can be and of course it can be too hard).

Whatever the practical reasons, it sounds like you really want this baby . That’s something to think about carefully. The emotional resonance of your decision will affect you in the future.
It’s your decision to make .