Unexpected pregnancy.

[Naomip88]

Hi this morning I found out I am unexpectedly pregnant. I have a 7 and 4 year old .I Feel like I know that a termination would be the right thing to do as we don’t have the space ( about to convert 2 bedroom to 3 bedroom ) and aren’t in a great spot financially ( I’m the main breadwinner currently and am self employed so not very good maternity pay options). My partner also has anxiety and depression ( which he treats with medication and therapy) . He is also currently in a legal battle with his late mums partner ( his mum passed away suddenly last year) over her estate ( he is a deeply unpleasant, controlling man) . We don’t have a very wide support network , only my mum who has helped a lot but now is in her mid 70s and struggles looking after little ones. My partner and I have had our struggles ( relating to his grief , his mental health and the general pressures of parenthood) but have been in a really good place for the last few months and I’m worried what having another would do to our relationship . Looking at all the above reasons I feel like I know what would be the ‘right’ thing to do but confused as I’ve been feeling broody recently and I’d never dismissed the idea of having a third .I do absolutely love being a mum and adore babies ( my partner says he’s up for whatever I want to do but I know he’d rather stick with two) but I know deep down I already feel quite overwhelmed with 2 and running a business and the thought of us doing everything again is just exhausting. Also feeling very foolish as I had a previous termination a few years ago and gutted to do it again . ( both times were condom failures and with the previous time I took morning after pill which didn’t work) . Not sure what advice I want or anything think I just needed to share this all as I’ve decided to keep this to just myself ( and partner obviously) . These decisions are so hard.

Hi OP,
Didn’t want to read and run as I’ve also recently found out I’m pregnant and have made the decision to terminate. Like you I’m broody and me and DP were hoping to TTC in the not too distant future but right now it is not the right time for a few reasons important to us. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone! It’s certainly the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

Thank you . Well done for making the right decision for you , I know how hard it is x

Sending love to you both x

It doesn’t sound like you want to terminate. I can see why you’d want to with the practical side of things but you don’t sound wholly convinced.

Whatever you do consider a surgical birth control in future because you do seem rather fertile. You can’t keep going through this turmoil.

It doesn’t sound like you want to terminate

I agree, but sometimes don't you have to be practical? It doesn't sound like the best circumstances to be bringing a new baby into. But I'm very pragmatic & can be unemotional, others are different.

Yes definitely will , my dp has offered to get vasectomy so weighing up options. I do think termination is right for us deep down at the moment but I do wish we could get around the practicalities but honestly feel like it would be too much of a struggle after a few years of hard struggles .

Hi OP,
Very similar situation here- married with 2 DC, had kept the possibility of a 3rd open … but still, financially and logistically this just doesn’t make sense for us.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with prioritising the children you already have and the life you already have.

Sometimes when I imagine how happy we could be as a 5 I also look on Rightmove for about a billion pounds and then just think what a weight is lifted by the idea of no more and not moving. I’m really surprised that at 6 weeks pregnant with a 3rd I always said I wanted (but was NOT trying for) I am looking at pictures of other people’s babies on Instagram etc and feeling … nothing… I’m a bit scared that when this is all over I’ll be an emotional wreck but at the moment I do seem to be able to see quite clearly that this isn’t a good idea.

I hope you come to a decision soon and are able to move forward from there.

It sounds like you want your baby which is wonderful. Things are never perfect and you'll adjust. Three children are a wonderful dynamic. Enjoy your pregnancy and baby when he/she arrives. It'll be wonderful.

I relate so much to everything you’ve said here. If I won the lottery tomorrow I would have another baby . I know money shouldn’t matter but I think we would be so stretched and stressed it wouldn’t be fair on anyone . Hope you’re ok x

I resonate with this too. My decision is very much a practical and financial one, and although I am maternal and love babies I sat near a breastfeeding woman earlier and have seen babies on Instagram and don’t feel that that should be me in 8 months time.

Meant to quote your last post there @Naomip88!

argh no I didn’t I meant the to quote @Undecided111 ! You can you tell my head has been all over the place!

Yeah maybe in a movie but in the real world less so when parents are struggling & there isn't enough money or space.

I hate this type of post on threads like this because it feels like emotional blackmail

Responses like this are too woolly and airy fairy for me.

Look you've explained the many reasons why this isn't a good idea. You have to think practically about this. It's a shame that you're in this position but if you continue then it sounds like life is going to be very hard for you. Do you really want that?

@Naomip88 @scaredandanxious01
In an ideal world where we could move and have loads of space, I would love a big family. And if I’m making wishes here, as well as extra money I’d also add help though - a wonderful, supportive family who live locally would be lovely. I’m honestly not sure I can do all this again without a break. It’s been the best years of my life but also has nearly broken me.

Ultimately I think it’s my (and DH’s) job to not have more DC than we can afford. That’s easier when it’s not a real potential baby growing in my womb.. and I am struggling with it. But objectively this is a bad idea for my family.

I had an unexpected third and while it's worked out well, it is expensive. The baby is the cheap bit, it's when they're a bit older things get harder. I do worry about the future and being able to help out financially.

I don't regret it but.....if my circumstances had been different it would have been more practical to terminate.

Whichever you decide, I hope you can make peace with your decision. Don't feel guilty if you decide to stick with 2 and give them a more comfortable life.