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Pregnancy choices

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Struggling to come to a decision

4 replies

pensamiento · 18/06/2022 01:31

Hi, I'll start by saying I'm 26, the father will be 28. We dated from when I was 16-22 on and off. I've seen him sporadically throughout the years apart. He has a lot of narcissistic tendencies, ie. emotionally unavailable/avoidant, infidelities on dating apps and presumably IRL, claimed to want me to be the mother of his children and buy a house together recently (not that I believed him, or even considered it). He lied to me that he wasn't still with his gf, had been saying for several months now how unhappy he is, but clearly was staying until their long planned trip overseas in early July. The way he is though, I think he's afraid to be alone and hates dealing with others' emotions, and will likely not even end up ending the relationship.
I found out June 5 after I was a few days late and called him. We met up for the day and talked about what to do. He claimed he supported whatever decision I made, but felt we weren't ready and should try in the future. A few days later, when I asked him point blank if he would be there for them he said he "didn't know." A few days after that, I realized he blocked me on everything even tho he said he would come to the appointment and help with anything I needed.
This is my first time being pregnant. It's not that I don't want kids eventually, the circumstances just aren't ideal and there are a few things I would've like to have done first. Namely, trying streaming, putting myself thru uni, living abroad/traveling.
I really don't want to regret not going thru with it. I would have full support with my family. But I'd be tying myself to him for 18 years if he doesn't manage to dodge CS and if he ever decided to be apart of their life. And part of me knows I could just move on from him completely and wait to start a family with the LOML, because if I stayed in my current city to go thru with it (family is here) I feel it'd be way harder to find my person.
Sorry for the lengthy context, I really appreciate any unbiased advice or perspectives. It's been a long 2 weeks.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2022 01:54

OK. Do you want to have and raise a baby to adulthood now?

Don't think about him, he isn't actually anything to do with this.

Do you want a baby, toddler, child, tween, teen, starting now?

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/06/2022 02:00

If you really want a baby now, of course do it.

But if you don’t, don’t. Being a mother is hard, a single mother harder - and there is no point pretending it won’t impact on your life chances - it almost always does.

If you want to university, live abroad etc, then go and get on with that for the next few years. Have a baby later when you have an equal partner and a career going.

Threebutterflies · 18/06/2022 09:43

@pensamiento
nothing in your post sounds like you want a baby now . I would completely block that man from your life and never see him again . He sounds absolutely awful. Then if you have the abortion do everything you want and dream of in life - uni , travel , have loads of single life fun ! Then when your ready and meet a nice man then have kids . ❤️

heartbroken22 · 18/06/2022 12:14

It has to be you decision at the end of the day. But one thing is clear is that you can't trust him and he doesn't want anything to do with you or baby. What a pathetic man. It's upto you how do you feel? Forgot how you feel about him. But how do you feel about being pregnant right now?

I had an abortion a week ago due to very poor health and hyperemesis. I regret it and wish I had given myself a bit more time to think about it. Sit down and weight up the pros and cons. Don't think about scenarios that could happen in the future. Don't think about what's to come. Think about right now. How does it make you feel being pregnant right now? Do you have any joy? How would you feel if you weren't pregnant?

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