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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

I was in denial and carried on my lifestyle, now I am worried about the baby

13 replies

RedChar · 13/06/2022 11:48

Hi ladies. Please, I ask for no judgement as I am tormenting myself enough. I am 35 years old and my periods were like clockwork. So when I was a day or 2 late, I had a feeling I was pregnant but I ignored the signs and carried on my life as normal as I had such huge events happening in my life. I went to a 5 day festival, had my own wedding and honeymoon in the last 8 weeks, all of which I drank alcohol and took recreational drugs. I guess you could say I was in denial, or ignoring it on purpose or burying my head in the sand as I didn't want my life to change during those events. I have just got back off honeymoon and I am in fact pregnant. But I have done one of those tests that tells you how many weeks along you are and it says I am now 13 weeks pregnant. I have spoken to my husband and even though children were never part of the plan, as we are in mid 30s and this may be our only chance, we have decided to go a head and are starting to get excited about it. But now I am worried sick that my actions over the last 8 weeks will have hurt the baby? I am going to arrange a scan asap but please, has anyone been in a similar situation? I am worried and feel so guilty.

OP posts:
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GinaDonatella · 13/06/2022 11:52

I think you should definitely be open and tell your midwife about this
there is AWAYS a risk no matter how small

have you changed your lifestyle now you know? Are you taking folic acid?

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Lacedwithgrace · 13/06/2022 11:57

There is a chance the baby has been harmed by this. Speak to your midwife/GP, be honest and give full details and they can check up on you both

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XrayFish · 13/06/2022 12:01

Tbh it's too late for folic acid if she hasn't already.

It'll be classed as a hidden pregnancy, you'll get extra support if needed. I would be ready to tell them what drugs you've taken, they should (I hope) be able to get info on how likely it is to have impacted the baby, but they can't do that if they don't know.

You should book in asap if you want screening tests or you'll be too late.

The main risk in the first trimester is miscarriage because the placenta didn't take over until about 10 weeks. Alcohol and drugs are far riskier in the second/third trimester, and I think you either need to commit to stopping or rethink the pregnancy.

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Cinnabomb · 13/06/2022 12:06

@XrayFish actually that’s not true, unfortunately the greatest risk to the developing foetus from alcohol is in the first trimester in terms of FAS and abnormalities.

sorry @RedChar that’s not judging you, just correcting misinformation in case others read the thread.

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XrayFish · 13/06/2022 12:22

Fair enough, I stand corrected. I guess my midwife was wrong.
www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/alcohol-fertility-and-pregnancy/foetal-alcohol-syndrome-fas
Seems deformities are the first 3 months and it's the brain damage side that happens later (although obviously also if there's a brain deformity).

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Enb76 · 13/06/2022 12:32

Just to reassure you - I drank, smoked, took cocaine and mdma through the first four months of being pregnant and my child was and is fine. She just placed 1st in the school in a Maths competition.

There was a risk that she would have been impacted but actually it's a very small risk. Your body does a lot to protect a developing foetus and just because you weren't perfect doesn't mean that you have damaged your child. I spoke to my my midwife and they reassured me that it was actually fairly rare to cause damage and the cases he had seen were all in long-term alcoholics or the children of long-term alcoholics.

I actually didn't know I was pregnant but the outcome is the same. Once I knew I became a little bit more sensible but I was unable to give up smoking at the time.

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lightunderthesea · 13/06/2022 12:36

I think you have to be realistic with what you have taken , speak to medical professionals giving truthful details, and then go from there.
To be honest with you, it's quite difficult to read , but ignoring it, and not speaking to people that can help you, would be burying your head in the sand for even longer, and making a tricky situation that much harder.
Good luck with everything.

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BigSandyBalls2015 · 13/06/2022 12:39

Be honest with the midwife, they'll have heard it all before.

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WhatsHoppening · 13/06/2022 12:48

Be honest but also be prepared that you may have caused the baby damage even if unintentional. You need to have a real discussion on the risks of this and whether you are prepared to deal with the outcomes if you have a child with complex health needs. I don’t want to upset you and it is good you have recognised this but ultimately your child you have a number of health conditions such as FAS. You need to understand your options and the risk. Wishing you a healthy baby if you continue.

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ChagSameachDoreen · 13/06/2022 14:07

People were wondering on your other thread about this magical test that told you you were 13 weeks pregnant. Could you address that here, because you didn't on the other one.

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MangoTango28 · 13/06/2022 14:10

ChagSameachDoreen · 13/06/2022 14:07

People were wondering on your other thread about this magical test that told you you were 13 weeks pregnant. Could you address that here, because you didn't on the other one.

I was also wondering what home test that could be 🙃

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Lilbunnyfufu · 13/06/2022 14:19

MangoTango28 · 13/06/2022 14:10

I was also wondering what home test that could be 🙃

Same here

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koalakate999 · 13/06/2022 18:48

@RedChar , so sorry you are in such a stressful situation.

Can I just ask, are you based in the U.K or elsewhere, as I've never seen a pregnancy test in the UK that says exactly how many weeks you are, ( I know clearblue do the 3 week plus ones).

Please try not to worry too much, it is clear that now you are aware you are pregnant you are doing all you can to stop.

Can I ask, ( and you don't have to answer), exactly what you have taken recreationally ? In all likelihood, if this was occasional recreational use, ( as opposed to heavy, daily addictive use, it is likely the baby will develop normally).

Are you based in the U.K ? If you are, please ask your midwifery service to refer you to a substance misuse midwife, who'll be able to provide specialist advice about the best possible treatment for you going forwards.

You may find this link useful:

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/illegal-or-recreational-drugs-and-pregnancy

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