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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Shock pregnancy at 41. Due Jan 23

19 replies

heaven2013 · 27/05/2022 21:08

My husband and I tried to get pregnant for 10 years. We had every test going and where told that even though there was nothing they could find wrong he said that we were infertile and basically had no chance of conceiving. 2 years ago the GP told me that I was peri menopausal and we moved on with our lives. Now I’ve just changed jobs and suddenly found out I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do. I have a 15 year old and a 13 year old from a previous marriage and can only imagine their shock. Is anyone else in a similar position? Thanks

OP posts:

Shouldbedoing · 27/05/2022 21:11

I had my first at 40, my next just before I turned 44, my stepkids were the age of your older children. If you and the baby are healthy, go for it.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 27/05/2022 21:20

Eek!!
Congratulations op!!
How do you feel about it?

Original poster

heaven2013 · 27/05/2022 21:24

I’m not sure how I feel about it. On one hand we wanted this for so long and it happening now is kind of a miracle. On the other hand the timing is poor. I’m in a training post and don’t know what will happen with that and I’m worried about all of the complications after 40. Glad to hear some good experiences cause it’s all doom and gloom on the internet.

OP posts:

DuckDuckNo · 27/05/2022 21:27

I had both my kids at 40+. Everything went fine, they're healthy and happy. Don't make a decision based on fear - if this is what you've always wanted, give it a chance.

Heresafe · 27/05/2022 21:38

We just had a baby with me 43 and very similar age gaps to your Dc . Our DC were so shocked when we first told them they but we already all think baby DS Is just amazing and it’s a complete joy and privilege to have him - all over the moon. Congratulations ! I had been quite nervous of twins as had had no idea that chances of them go up substantially with age !!

SuziSecondLaw · 27/05/2022 21:43

Not the same at all really , but something similar happened to me at 35.. I now have a 15 and12 year old from previous relationship and a 1 year old ds with my dp. It's great! I very very almost had an abortion, it was a seriously hard decision for me to make because I was definitely done and not at all interested in starting all over again. But it's been brilliant, so much better, easier, more relaxed this time around.
Not trying to sway your decision at all, because of course all situations are different, just throwing a positive outcome out there for you. Good luck whatever you decide to do, I can only really imagine how incredibly hard this decision must be for you.

dreamyunicorn · 27/05/2022 22:35

Congratulations op it was meant to be!

dreamyunicorn · 27/05/2022 22:36

Oh and there's LOADS of posts on here with pregnant women 40+ it's the norm nowadays, so many women are putting their career first.

Original poster

heaven2013 · 28/05/2022 06:40

Thank you for all of the positive messages. It’s early days and I know my risk of miscarriage is higher so I think I’ll wait until around 7 weeks and get a scan. I don’t think I’ll believe it till then

OP posts:

ladybugzrock · 28/05/2022 06:45

Older mum here had my children +40 and had my youngest at 44, healthy and a proper handful. I love being an older mum. Huge congratulations!

sandgrown · 28/05/2022 06:50

I had a surprise baby at 45. He is 21 years younger than my previous youngest child . Apart from high blood pressure at the end I was fine. He is really close to his older siblings despite the age gap . It will be fine . Go for it . What a lovely surprise.

MintyMoocow · 28/05/2022 06:55

I am 57 with two teenagers. It is exhausting and I can’t imagine every retiring, but so much fun!

WhatsInAMolatovMocktail · 28/05/2022 07:00

I had a baby at 43 after a long gap since my first in my early 30s. Dream pregnancy, no problems (aside from my anxiety over having problems). I had to have an induction but I did a DIY hypnobirthing and the birth was straightforward.

are you generally fit and healthy? It helps honestly if you are, as having a toddler in your 40s is quite hard work (ds likes to be carried and he is a chunky little lad! And I’d forgotten the joys of soft play centres - crawling through tiny tunnels etc).

It certainly does change your life - travel plans, career plans, etc. But I’m lucky DH and I have both loved having a young child in our 40s (my mum had me aged 40 so I’m used to the idea and reality of older parents and the fact i will be old when my kids are still quite young).

best wishes whichever direction you decide to go.

MissedItByThisMuch · 28/05/2022 07:02

I have 4, first born at 38, 4th at 43. All healthy with no problems at all. Did have CVS with last 2 for peace of mind (no blood tests in those days). Youngest now 16. No problems still, no more tired than anyone else with 4 kids! The other school gate parents were overwhelmingly roughly my age, which is another concern people seem to mention - in fact younger parents would have felt more out of place there.

Congratulations OP!

Cornishskies · 28/05/2022 07:09

Congratulations !
I had a similar experience to you, our third DC a surprise at 40 after trying unsuccessfully for 10 years . So a DD 12 years and DS 11 years when DD was born.
They were shocked ( as were friends and family !) when we told them but love their little sister and whilst sometimes she must feel she has four parents, she adores them.
She’s 11 now and she’s honestly been a joy. I have loved being an older mum, more relaxed and less in a hurry for her to reach each next stage, experienced enough to know how quickly they grow up and not to stress the small stuff I did the first time around.

Original poster

heaven2013 · 28/05/2022 07:11

I am fit and healthy if a few pounds overweight. Up until six months ago I was a charge nurse in intensive care so spent so much time walking it helped keep me active. I’m now training to be a health visitor and it’s just no weird that it’s happened now. Maybe it’s being around all the babies. My husband is only 36 so I suppose that will help as one of us should have more energy at least

OP posts:

Believeinyou · 28/05/2022 07:20

I had baby at 42 after a 12 year gap (eldest was 17) - she's an absolute delight and all the older ones dote on her.

onlywork55 · 28/05/2022 07:27

I don’t think of 41 as old to have a baby these days. I know so many people who’ve had healthy pregnancies at 40+. I’m in my mid thirties and I actually feel on the young side at the school gate as so many of the mums are in their 40s!

Cait73 · 28/05/2022 07:42

I was 45 when my 9 month old grandson came to live with me, bit of a shock to the system but I can honestly say I'm a better parent at this age than I was in my 20's

I'm much more patient and I do a LOT more than I ever did with my child because I'm older and wiser.

Raising a child in your 40's has its challenges but it also has so many rewards, good luck

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