Please share your experiences . I am devastated

[FeelIcantdothis]

I feel so so bad writing this. I feel like I may be punished for saying this but I am considering an abortion.

We have tried for this baby for 3 year. In the last 2 months so many problems have accumulated that made life a bit difficult.
I lost my dad , we have some issues in family plus my eldest is struggling and possibly has autism.

In the month when I became pregant I decided we will not try for a baby as it will be too much for as ATM. My husband and I were close only twice due to stress and this was on the day 7 and 24 of the cycle so I was sure I will not get pregnant especially after 3 years of trying .

I also had x rays done in the week after conception.

To my surprise the pregnancy test was positive. I couldn't belive it . 3 years of trying and nothing happened and when we decided we don't want to get pregnant it happened.

I am now 7w4d and instead of being happy I am so so anxious and devastated .
I worry that the x rays had a bad effect on the fetus . I worry that baby will be poorly and I will blame myself for having xrays . I worry that I will not be able to support my eldest if baby comes .
I worry about absolutely everything .
I think it's not a right time for us to bring a child into this world now but equally I feel that only thinking abortion I am committing a sin. That I will be punished for this.
Life is precious and I know so many people who would love to have a child so I feel really bad for being blessed and not appreciating it .

I am so so confused and don't know what to do .
I have an appoiiment booked with midwife on Wednesday but thanking of postponing it in case I decide for abortion.

To the people that been through this tell me did abortion affect your mental health ?Do you regret it ?

[Threebutterflies]

@FeelIcantdothis
so sorry your going through this . It’s a hard one to answer because some women don’t regret it at all and it was the right decision and some women regret it for years . I’ve had 2 abortions and now I have very bad mental health but I was in a different situation to you . I still think a women should be able to have an abortion with no guilt or shame. Maybe you can speak to the counselling service before you see your midwife ?

[Lauz37]

Hi, I've recently been through a termination. I had been really ill with covid, started worrying about everything and anything. My 2 eldest children have autism. ( I have 3) so was worrying about not having enough time/support for them. I actually had my first appointment with the mid wife which resulted in me feeling really overwhelmed about appointments through pregnancy etc.
Anyway I rushed into the decision to have a termination as I felt time was running out. My mental health is now not good, feel like all the worries I had could have been overcome now... but it's too late. Pregnancy hormones have a major impact on our minds and anxiety. For me panic and anxiety completely took over. I would suggest having counselling first before you make a decision. Lots of people do have terminations and it might be the right choice for you. I feel I made the decision when we had a bad month or so as a family and now that's passed it would have all worked out. At the time I felt it was best for our family but now I'm heartbroken and full of regret. So sorry you're going through this....it's so hard.

[INeedNewShoes]

I'd make sure you talk this through at length with someone.

Abortion absolutely is ok when the circumstances call for it but if you were trying for a baby for three years and now have a termination I would be concerned about the impact it could have on you. You say you only decided this month to stop trying. I wonder if the reasons that make it seem overwhelming just now might improve a lot in a few months.

I think you should keep the appointment with the midwife as you can discuss the x-rays situation with her.

[RoseAndGeranium]

This sounds really hard, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you’re overwhelmed at the moment so I hope you’ll be able to get some support and the breathing space you need to make a decision about this. I don’t have any advice but I wanted to say, unless the x rays were taken of your tummy they shouldn’t be a problem. I had chest x rays when I was pregnant with my second baby and they didn’t even give me a lead apron to cover my bump. They said that unless the x ray was directly over the womb area (which so early in pregnancy would I guess be your pelvic region, in fact) that it was completely fine. Hope that helps a bit.

[Marty13]

I agree with pp that you should think long and hard about it before you make a final decision. You were trying three years - how would you feel if you tried again in the future and struggled to conceive ? Would you regret terminating this pregnancy ? Or have you decided that you do not want anymore children ? (totally valid decision as well).

It sounds like your current situation is overwhelming, might it get better ? You have 9 months to prepare. Think about how things will be in 9 months, not how they are now.

And don't worry about the xray. The one xray is likely to be orders of magnitude below the mgy levels that would harm a baby, and at this stage of development, if any harm was done it would most likely end in miscarriage. If it doesn't it's most likely to be fine.

[FeelIcantdothis]

Thank you everyone for the responses . I really appreciate people taking time to reply.

I have very mixed feelings. I don't think I'm brave enough to make this decision but equally I am so scared for the future.

I am just so so lost. I have noone to speak to in RL. My husband seems to be exited and is looking after me ,making sure I eat healthy ,don't over do etc

I'm going for a scan for Sunday to see how far I am.

I think deep down I know what I want .....

[Mischance]

It is impossible for anyone to get inside your head and directly advise you; but, looking at it from the outside, it would seem best not to terminate this pregnancy, given that conception is not easy for you and your OH. Under these circumstances it is more likely that you will regret it. And your OH is excited - how might this impact on your relationship?

In reality, there is never really a good time for a baby - each brings their problems as well as their joys. The chances are that you will have challenges to face whatever you decide, especially as you look upon it as a sin - everyone has their own views about that concept, but what matters is what you feel.

I have not experienced this myself, but was a social worker in a maternity and women's hospital and have seen women struggling with this dilemma many many times. I have seen those who sailed through it all and those who suffered regrets. It looks to me as though you are starting from a point where you are already very uncertain about it.

I send you a hand hold and hope that you can find a way through this that is right for you.

[INeedNewShoes]

I think deep down I know what I want .....

Do that then. Stop wrangling over the decision if you know what you want.