Unplanned pregnancy, not really wanting to continue but not sure how I feel

[EileenJ45]

Hi there, I have booked for a consultation next week as I have two beautiful children already and found out I am pregnant again. I am in the middle of a degree with two kids and I feel like I've only just managed to get my life back and my life into a routine. My youngest is 1.

My question is, how do you carry on waiting for the appointment? Knowing you are still pregnant? Do you carry on as though you aren't? It's crazy and maybe concerning that I truly don't feel pregnant anymore, as though Ive become detached? I feel so stupid for getting myself in this position. Thankfully my partner is very supportive or either way I decide to proceed with, but I don't really know what to do with myself waiting, I have a full weekend to get by before my appointment.

I guess I'm just looking for similar stories, did anybody regret their decision to end their pregnancy? Or any relief? I know financially we wouldn't be able to give our kids the best possible chance at things with three, I hope I am only showing love overall. Im sorry for the long post, I haven't spoken to anyone about it apart from my partner and I don't intend to, so I'm coming here for a chat or similar stories I'm not sure.

Thanks for reading xx

Hello
I had 2 abortions in my 30’s. I deeply regret them but that’s because I was very unsure of my decision. Lots of women don’t regret there abortions at all. I think it depends how sure you are tbh. Some find out there pregnant and just know there’s no way there keeping it . If your not sure I’d find some counselling before you decide. I wish I’d of done the counselling first. Sorry I’m not much help hopefully someone else will be along soon with better advice x

Hi hope you’re ok. I also already have 2 children although my youngest is 7 and I found out nearly two weeks ago that I was pregnant. We definitely hadn’t planned on having a 3rd and agreed almost immediately that we couldn’t go through with it. I contacted NUPAS to arrange getting the medication however because I’d had the contraceptive pill within the last 3 months they said I needed a scan which only happened yesterday. It’s been hard waiting so long but it’s not changed my mind and don’t feel like I’ve become attached to this pregnancy at all which makes me think we’ve definitely made the right decision for us. I took the first pill yesterday and will take the second ones tomorrow. Hopefully the weekend will go fast for you xx

I'm sorry to hear you regretted it :( I just had a long chat with my partner and we know the right decision is to end the pregnancy, he's also booking in for a vasectomy once the process is complete because we now know how we feel about more kids. Just feel so stupid and so ashamed that we got ourselves in this position and having to make this decision. Thank you so much for your reply ❤It means a lot xx

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're also in the same boat :( but selfishly I feel thankful to know someone else is to be honest. It's scary feeling so alone. I have read a couple ladies not have to go for a scan and I'm hoping that'd be me, honestly I just want the entire process over with. I feel the same as you in the way I don't feel attached to this pregnancy, and I'm not quite sure how I go about my days at the moment either. Do I act as though I'm pregnant and take it easy? Or do I carry on as though I'm not because I know ultimately it won't carry on? Im not too sure, just stuck in limbo at the moment. I understand you might not want to talk about it anymore but I am really grateful for your reply, thank you xxx

No I’m happy to talk about it, feeling very alone also. My Husband has been really supportive but it’s not him physically going through it and I can’t talk to any of my friends/family about it. I’ve just tried to carry on as normal but I’m really bloated and nauseous all the time. I’ve started to bleed after taking the mifepristone so I think the process has started… I’m worried how the pain and bleeding will be after the second tablets tomorrow.

don’t feel stupid or ashamed, these things happen. Just think about everything and make the right decision for you and your family. Xx

I was going to say that to... no need to feel ashamed or stupid . Loads of women go through this and you sound sure of your decision so that’s good.

I haven't spoken to any friends or family about it either and I don't think I ever will, I just feel so horrible about it all for even getting in this position. Thankfully I'm not nauseous but just feel like I know something is happening in my tummy and can't be normal till it's not anymore! That's what I'm really struggling with. I hope you aren't in too much pain, hopefully having children before may make it a bit more bearable with the cramps. Can I ask if you let me know how you got on with your second tablets? Those are the ones I'm quite afraid of I think too as that's when it really gets going isn't it? Thank you for your kind words, it's really reassuring xxx

Thank you so much this is really kind and makes me feel better in my decision, thank you xx

What a night! I don’t to frighten you about taking the second tablets… what happened to me isn’t common. I took the Misoprostal yesterday about 5.30pm and started with mild cramps about an hour later. Took 2 paracetamol and had my hot water bottle. They did get stronger but perfectly manageable and I passed 2 pretty large clots about 9pm and started bleeding heavily. Unfortunately the bleeding got heavier and soaking through pads. Spoke to NUPAS who advised A&E. Ended up in hospital on a Tranexamic acid drip and had a speculum examination to remove clots that had become stuck causing so much bleeding. I’m home now, bleeding much less and feeling ok, just tired. Through all this I had very little pain so if I hadn’t have had a complication I would have been fine.

How are you? Xx

Awww wow im sorry to read about the complication that must have been really difficult im glad you're doing ok. Im glad it's over for you too, this is what im needing. My first consultation isnt even until monday so who knows how much longer il be waiting after that. Im meant to be on a weekend away next weekend too so getting a bit low in mood thinking of that. To be honest im struggling with my mood, knowing what is inside and having to act as normal as can be and see people and not tell them, i could i just dont want to. But it's the carrying on which is really making me struggle xxx

Last night really wasn’t fun but I feel so much better today and the sore boobs, constant nausea are easing.

is your appointment on the phone or face to face? You might get the medication then and you can get started. It’s an odd feeling isn’t it, knowing that your pregnant but trying to kind of pretend you’re not and getting on with things as normal. I’m sure after your appointment you’ll feel better knowing the end is in sight. It’ll soon be Monday xx

Hi Op, I have two children and was in a similar situation except my two are older. I got a bfp and immediately knew I would get a termination. I'd just gone back to work another a few years back and was loving the kids being older and more independent. Even so I still felt emotional about it, you can't help but play out alternative scenarios, the waiting is awful too, and the anticipation of the actual termination. My mood was very low whilst waiting for my appointment and I felt quite resentful to my husband that once again I was the one to have to go through the physical pain. That was probably quite irrational of me.

Anyway I took the pills and it was actually not too bad at all and not really painful. I've moved on now and know it was the right decision, my husband is in the process of booking a vasectomy.

Hope all goes okay for you ❤️

How have you got on today? Hope you’re ok xx

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm happy to hear you were fine throughout the process, can i ask how long the process took? I am hoping to take the tablets first thing in the morning so i can have as normal friday night as possible xx

Hi again, yesterday went well i took the first tablet the nurse was absolutely fantastic and i didnt feel judged at all. The waiting has been truly awful. My mood also has been very very low ive been going to bed everynight as soon as the kids are in bed just to sleep the day away and to bring the next day in quicker. Tomorrow i take the other set of pills and aim to start first thing as I really want it over as simply as possible, im really hoping because im 5.5 weeks itl be fairly straightforward. Im quite nervous though xx

I think I inserted my first one about 5pm, not a great deal happened, very light bleeding, I then inserted the rest a few hours later, after that I got some very light cramping and then felt a bit feverish so I took some paracetamol and went to bed, in the night I got up to go to the toilet and alot of blood came out. After that I would have normal period bleeding with the odd small gush every now and then, very few clots and only small ones when there were some. The bleeding stopped after about 2 weeks and was much lighter towards the end of that. I was also about 5 weeks so really hope it's similarly pain free for you too, good luck xx

I went via bpas and the nurse was so kind and made me feel so at ease, i really did feel grateful to live somewhere where this could be an option for me x

That's really kind of you to reply and tell me your experience thank you so much. I'm planning to insert the pills first thing, do the school run and then hoping it's kicked in by the time I'm home. Im feeling quite alright i think it may be because i am really wanting to fast forward my life to when this is over and tomorrow is the day I've been needing to get out the way xx

Hope all goes well for you today and you’re feeling better later on when it’s all over xx

Thank you so much. I had inserted the first lot of tablets this morning around 7am and i passed a lot of blood and definitely something very clotty and thick about half past 11. I haven't had a lot of blood on my pad I went to the toilet for a second time and there was more blood in the toilet. Im wondering if the clot/lump I passed earlier may have been the pregnancy as I normally have heavy periods however I haven't ever felt anything leave me the way that felt. Xx

This sounds like my experience 2 weeks ago. I only really bled to start with at the toilet and also had the feeling of a clot leaving - I was 9weeks though so it was larger. I would guess that it was it. I hope all is still going okay.

Hi everyone, everything is still going well. I didnt have much bleeding friday night nor did i bleed much yesterday however today i am bleeding heavy and passing more larger clots aswell, perhaps tissue? Still feeling well and relieved at the process, I'm really thankful for everybody's replies and support xx

Did you have pain and can I ask how far you was please?xx

Hi everyone, I'm 22. The MAP failed for me, I just started a access to midwifery course as I decided to follow my dreams and become a midwife. I've just found out that I'm pregnant im 5 weeks today and have already contacted NUPAS, I'm expecting the pills to arrive within the next two days. I don't have any savings and just started a part time job that will just about give me £1000 a month on the side of my course. I had a abortion when I was 18 and it was the worst decision of my life however I feel that I won't be able to give my baby the best life possible if I continue. I don't want to have to stop my studies or to feel stuck and I don't want to be pregnant going to college doing a access course as I'd be due in June and my course ends in may. I also don't want to have to postpone uni as my life's already been on hold for so long due to being depressed and I've finally got my groove back. I guess I'm just asking for some form of advice, please be kind x