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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Abortion regret

27 replies

1021d · 22/04/2022 13:48

I had a medical abortion about 4 days ago and I truly regret it. I made the wrong decision 100 percent. I want to get pregnant again. The original pregnancy was completely unexpected. All the "reasons" I had to not have the baby were just excuses and could've been sorted out. I think all my anxiety really got the best of me. I am 22 and I think the stigma of being a young mom scared me too. I want to ask my partner about trying to have a baby but I'm scared. I don't know how he will take it. He really wants a child and I'm afraid that he won't wont do it now based on my choices. He was very supportive of the decision but I know he is hurt/emotional. My partner is 30 so I know he thinks his time is running out. We have a pretty good relationship. This is just been a big bump in the road. Should I bring it up to him? Or just leave it alone. Please help. No judgement

OP posts:

user72940382 · 22/04/2022 13:51

Why would you not discuss your feelings and thoughts about a future child with him?

At 30, for a man, time isn't running out!

2021mumma · 22/04/2022 13:56

The same thing happened to me when I was young. I felt pushed into an abortion by parents etc I didn’t think clearly about what I was doing and it all happened so fast. I felt the most horrendous guilt afterwards and was also worried that I would never be able to get pregnant again. I got pregnant on purpose weeks after the abortion. I do look back and think I should have had counselling to work out my feelings and if I got pregnant on purpose afterwards purely due to the guilt I felt rather than me actually wanting a baby. Based on what happened to me I would say don’t rush into anything, take your time to think and process your feelings and seek counselling and once you have clarity then make a decision.

Discovereads · 22/04/2022 14:03

No one gets through adulthood without regrets and abortions are not easy decisions to navigate.

30 is still quite young and so time isn’t running out for him. You could wait ten years and he’d still be plenty young enough at 40.

I just hope that you’re not feeling pressure from his hurt/emotions. He may not be intending to make you feel you made a bad decision, but could be anyway? It is only natural for you to have mixed emotions and him to have emotions about it, but please don’t rush from one major decision into another one so quickly.

So honestly, I’d sit with your emotions for at least a month and if you still feel you regret the termination AND want to try for a baby now, then talk with him about it. Emotions can be a real roller coaster after an abortion and I would give yourself and him time to heal and not rush into anything.

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:05

Im just nervous about his response that’s all. Just hesitant to know what his response will be.

i know he is far from running out of time but that is what he feels😢

OP posts:

UrsulaBursula · 22/04/2022 14:07

i Think you need to recover and really think about it as if you get pregnant again so soon - I’m assuming your situation will be the same. So you will still be a young mom and will still have the same issues you had the first time.

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:10

No these are really just my feelings. I’m thinking I should wait a few to a month to really sort out how I feel. But I just feel really deep in my soul that I made a mistake.

OP posts:

UrsulaBursula · 22/04/2022 14:12

give yourself some time @1021d

Right now your emotions are high and I’m sure you are feeling low right now. Recover and then see how you feel.

how is your relationship with your partner?

UrsulaBursula · 22/04/2022 14:12

Is your partner ready for a child?

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:16

Yeah judgement from my parents was definitely a factor too. I’m gonna wait it out for a few weeks and see how I feel. I really don’t think my feelings are going to change, honestly

OP posts:

Hubblebubble · 22/04/2022 14:17

I hope you dont take this the wrong way, but I find it a bit of a red flag that your partner wants to try for a baby with you when you're just 22. At 30 he has plenty of time for fatherhood and at 22 theres a lot you can do and experience that isnt as easy/possible with a child. Like a working holiday, travel, building a career, further ed

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:19

our relationship is pretty good. We currently don’t live together but he always tells me that I am welcome to move into his place whenever. He had slight arguments but what couple doesn’t? It’s always something small and fixable. The biggest issue is that he lives an hour away. We both have good stable jobs as well.

OP posts:

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:19

Yes he wants a child extremely badly.

OP posts:

VeneziaGiulia45 · 22/04/2022 14:23

Hubblebubble · 22/04/2022 14:17

I'd say it's much more of a red flag that your parents made you feel pressured into making a life-changing decision that you now regret.

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:26

I don’t take offense. It is a valid point and something we have talked about. Im only 22 but I’ve done a lot so far in my life. We would definitely be able to travel and do other things. He’s already made it clear that I can be a stay at home mom and continue my education. I’ve already earned my first degree and I only need one more that would take about 4 years in total. Before this situation I definitely didn’t plan on waiting until after the 4 years to have a child.

OP posts:

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:29

Yeah I think I really let other opinions and fear of judgement over shadow the blessing that I had. That doesn’t mean that We can’t go back and try.

OP posts:

WhatNoRaisins · 22/04/2022 14:34

I think I'd be looking at how you could build more of a life together first. Do you have a timeline for moving in together? While I don't want to preach about being married at least educate yourself about the implications of it too.

I get that instincts can be very strong but there is room for both heart and head here.

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:39

Well we have been talking about it for a while. I was considering moving in this summer. I would have to relocate jobs which wouldn’t be difficult but probably one of the bigger factors because I just started my job 3 months ago. We have also had the marriage conversation as well.

OP posts:

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:40

Sorry if this might sound harsh but do you regret getting pregnant weeks after? Or were you overjoyed when you found out you were pregnant?

OP posts:

Mischance · 22/04/2022 14:48

VeneziaGiulia45 · 22/04/2022 14:23

I'd say it's much more of a red flag that your parents made you feel pressured into making a life-changing decision that you now regret.

Show quote history

I concur with this. You must not let your parents' views influence how you lead your life. I cannot think of any reason why they might object to you having a child at 22 when in a stable relationship - that is a decision for you and your partner alone.

I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. Please talk to your partner about how you are feeling. It is important that you can both be honest with each other if you are planning life and a family together.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 22/04/2022 14:48

It sounds as though you were under an incredible amount of pressure from all sides.
Take a little bit of time. Have a proper sit down with your partner and discuss what you both want in the future.
You need to think carefully about finances. It sounds as though you need to be relying on him financially for a few years if you complete your studying as a sah parent. If you are married you will have so much more security to be able to do this.

Original poster

1021d · 22/04/2022 14:53

They know I value their opinion very highly. So I know it got the best of me. If I were to get pregnant in the next few months or weeks I would be so excited. I wouldn’t consider abortion at all.

OP posts:

VeganGod · 22/04/2022 15:04

I don’t get the feeling that it would be the right to rush into another pregnancy. I’m sorry that you regret your decision but another pregnancy may not make you feel any better about the choice you made. I would try to make peace with your decision.

You have a chance now to finish your education, live with your partner at a point you choose to that is actually the right time, get your career sorted and then plan a family together. All the reasons you had before for having an abortion, which you now say were just excuses, you can make sure that those things are not even there in the future.

I think if your partner is a good man and you speak to him about your feelings, he should tell you the same.

When women become pregnant unplanned, of course it can all work out, but I really would take this as an opportunity to choose when you have a baby as it will be so much easier and enjoyable in more stable circumstances.

I say this as a woman that had my first child at 24, so quite young. We had bought a house together, had both finished Uni and had careers and had no doubts at all about starting a family. We’d have coped had it happened earlier but I’m so glad we got to choose the time when we were really stable. Give yourself the chance to start your career after uni, you may decide you don’t want children for quite a while if you enjoy your career.

Wednesdayfinest · 23/04/2022 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user72940382 · 23/04/2022 10:25

@Wednesdayfinest You really need to start your own thread and post a trigger warning on it be use your language is emotive and you have written a graphic description.

At 8 weeks and 6 days the foetus would be the size of a bean.

Please consider the thoughts and feelings of the OP here.

VeganGod · 23/04/2022 10:29

user72940382 · 23/04/2022 10:25

@Wednesdayfinest You really need to start your own thread and post a trigger warning on it be use your language is emotive and you have written a graphic description.

At 8 weeks and 6 days the foetus would be the size of a bean.

Please consider the thoughts and feelings of the OP here.

I thought the same. I’ve reported and hope mumsnet delete it. Fine to post own thread but not appropriate on this one. .

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