Advice needed

[beauophelia]

Hi everyone.

I recently found out I'm expecting again. This baby wasn't planned, in fact I had been on the pill so this baby was more than unexpected.

My partner is totally against the idea, we already have 2 girls (1 aged 2 and the other aged 1) so this baby would put me in the 3 under 3 category for a short time.

He isn't pushing me for an abortion, he will support whatever final decision I make. But he's made it clear he wouldn't be overjoyed and has explained the financial strain it would put on our family etc, which, it would.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want an abortion, I'm not against them but I feel like after having 2 beautiful babies I'd find it so hard to go through, but I don't want my 2 girls feeling pushed out, I certainly don't want to put our family under financial strain and obviously it will be hard with 3 under 3. We may end up needing a new car and other things if another baby is due this year.

I just feel stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I'm barely sleeping as it's on my mind constantly, any advice would be much appreciated 💕

Were you planning number 3 at some stage? I had 3 within 3.5 years and best friend had 3 under 3. The first year is unbelievably hard work ( although my youngest was always ill and in and out of hospital which added to the stress) but once the oldest starts school and second is at nursery, things get a bit easier. It is great having them close for their friendships and also getting beyond nappies and highchairs and ask the stuff that comes with babies. I now have 3 teenagers who get on well most of the time. We survived!! Now wondering how we will financially survive 3 at Uni at same time. Hoping one or two may go for apprenticeships!!

@vdbfamily I did want a 3rd but we wasn't planning on trying until around next summer/winter. I'm just so worried about the coping side of things and financial side of it. But this has reassured me a little, I just don't know what to do though. I don't want to make the wrong choice and have deep regrets 😢 did you find that your eldest and middle felt pushed out in any way?

Personally I think that the older they are, the more of a concept they have of being pushed out as they have had longer as the sole focus of your attention. I used to involve my 3 year old as much as I could to help me or bring a nappy, pass me a wipe and praise her for being helpful etc. I won't pretend that first year was easy but it got easier and easier having survived that chaos. I didn't get out very much other than wandering to local park and back. I had a friend with 12 kids and even she said her hardest year was with first 3 when preschool !! But I don't think it would be significantly easier having number 3 a year later if that makes sense. That first year of new baby with 2 other young one will always be pretty challenging unless you wait until first 2 are at school. At least when they are all preschool age, if you have a really bad night you don't have to be up for the school run and could stay in pyjamas all day if you had to!!!!

@vdbfamily yeah that does make sense. I suppose most people say there is no right time to have a baby, it's just 10x more daunting when you know what's coming after already having 2 kids! Newborns are a breeze, it's when they start moving around they become difficult 😂 I just wish I could make a definite decision my head is a total jungle at the moment. Thank you for your advice though it has helped a lot!

Is your partner on board with the timing for next year? If so then I'd go ahead. My SIL has 3 under 3, or did in March for 3 months prior, conscious choice.

Instead of looking at what is the best option for you, look at the least worst one. If you think you will regret it and resent your partner then maybe the best option is to have it. If you think life will be intolerable with three under three in a small space and finances increasingly tight , maybe termination is the best option.

@namechangeranonymouse it's kind of easier said than done looking at it from that perspective but I know what you mean - I just feel like I don't want an abortion but I know how hard having another baby will make our lives. So I can't make the choice.

I have an appointment next Friday at an abortion clinic, nothing is to be done that day but it's so I can see my options. I feel so lost with it all.