Don’t know what to do, complicated situation

[fuckwhatshouldido]

Posted about this a few weeks ago on another board but still dithering and not sure.
Split with exDH last year. Been with DP 7 months now. He has 3 kids, I have 3 kids. Relationship is amazing, kids get on well with each other and grown ups, we meet up en masse every week or two, things ticking along nicely and would be fine at this level for the forseeable. Except I’m bloody pregnant. About 8 weeks now. After the initial shock wore off decided to keep it but am still flipflopping back and forth constantly and am really not sure it’s the right call. Everything was going well and life was just about to get easier (my youngest is off to school in September after serious health problems, I was finally going to make it back to work). Relationship is amazing, DP is amazing, it’s just such shit timing. The kids have had so much change to adjust to already and they’re doing amazingly. My little 2 are fairly robust but eldest is much more sensitive and this could really affect her negatively.

But I feel absolutely horrible at the thought of having an abortion. I thought my baby days were done and was perfectly happy with that but it’s different when the baby is actually on the way. If I miscarried tomorrow I’d be devastated but also relieved. I don’t know what to do.

Hi - that sounds like a really difficult situation but I would say that if you have any doubts, I wouldn't do it. I recently had an abortion and was also flipflopping right up to the moment I took the tablets. I've struggled since, it's been very difficult. I'm feeling a bit better now, 6 weeks on, but I have gone back on antidepressants so that could be masking it.

I'm not riddled with regret as such, I know that I made the decision at the time because I thought it was the best thing for my family. But since then I've started to think it would have been ok and that's made me very sad. It could just be hormones though. Or now it's not an option I'm romanticising. I think it takes longer than a few weeks to get over the shock of an unplanned pregnancy which makes the decision making really difficult as you have so little time.

Good luck either way.

I was in a new relationship for only 8 weeks when I got pregnant, though we were technicically living together as it was during lockdown. We'd both discussed the fact I did not want more children (I have a 14 and 12 year old from previous relationship). We talked about it endlessly, it was a very different decision, lots of pros and cons. We were very fond if each other, but it was extremely early days for us. Etc etc.
We decided to keep the baby. He's 14 months now and he is the absolute best decision I ever made. Still in a happy relationship with dp, bought a house together, all good. BUT, that is just one experience.
Many years ago I was in a toxic relationship, got pregnant, and I had an abortion. That was also one of the best decisions I ever made and I don't regret it for a second.

Point is, do what's right for you. Talk it out. Ultimately, whatever decision you make, it'll have been made after a lot of thought, so it should be the right one

Thank you both for your advice and thoughts, it was helpful! We talked it over and settled (again) on keeping the baby but unfortunately I discovered yesterday that I’ve had a missed miscarriage. Which takes the decision out of my hands but is a bit gutting nonetheless. Thank you both for taking the time to comment

I'm really sorry to hear this, even know you were in two minds what to do, doesn't make the outcome any easier to accept.

Look after yourself, lots of emotions will come from under the surface next few days so take it really easy xx

I would have a termination. The relationship has barely begun, you only split from your ex just last year, you should probably get back to work, and the needs of your existing kids should take priority. Sorry, but I think having another baby given all of your circumstances isn't a great idea.

Just saw your update. I'm sorry, op.