abortion 4th child

[Blueskies12]

I am surprising pregnant with my 4th child and not sure I can cope with another child but not sure I can do an abortion either. I want to enjoy my three and so confused as to what to do. I am starting to enjoy my life with them and dont think I can do nappies all again. any advice??

I would put the needs of my existing children first. If you can't cope with another, can't afford another, the choice is clear to me. What were to happen if this fourth child is severely disabled? The impact on your existing children would be even more traumatic.

Op I am currently pregnant with a surprise #4. It was a big, big shock and I must admit I cried a lot.

I chose to continue with the pregnancy as, for me, really I was fucked now anyway (literally and figuratively 🤣). I’d have to live the my own guilt if I aborted (not saying everyone will) or I’d have a baby. Neither was what I’d wanted, but I made the decision I thought I’d cope with best long term.

I truly wish you the best of luck. It’s a very difficult position to be in.

I’ve just been through this but with a third. I’m still a bit fragile after about 5 weeks and keep doubting what I did but I know it was right for me, just doesn’t mean that it’s not emotional.

My advice would be to trouble shoot why you don’t think it would work. Work it all through so you’re sure of your decision so if you do abort at least on a rational/practical side you know it wouldn’t have worked for you. Which will make it easier to deal with the emotional side. I probably didn’t spend long enough doing this, I was just led by the dread I felt at doing it all again, so now I find myself tripping myself up by letting my mind wonder whether I didn’t try hard enough to make it manageable.

But really I think it’s just hormones trying to make me think I’m broody. Having just had another dinner with two kids fighting to sit on my lap so I hardly ate while realising I haven’t prepped for a meeting I’m leading in the morning which I won’t have time to do first thing because I have to take my toddler to the doctor at 9 which means working late after bedtime makes me realise that things are so finely balanced as it at the moment that I’d have collapsed. And that it’s ok to put myself first when it comes to another child. Because it’s not fair on my current children to have me stressed and unhappy and constantly telling them ‘not now’.

If you choose not to have a fourth it’s completely fine. Enjoying the children you have isn’t being selfish.

I am having an abortion on Monday which would have been my third. My second has adhd and it’s very hard as he will never do anything alone. I need my time for him, taxi service for my eldest and a teeny bit for me.
I would be too mentally unwell adding to that x

Thank you all. I feel stupid to be in this situation even and now having to go through abortion. So silly. I know I will prob feel sad but really want my old life back! My simpler life of a few weeks ago!

I’ve got 4 dc
Going from one to two was shocking ,after that I didn’t notice one more each time .
3 is an odd number ,someone always gets left out
4 is fab ,they all play together ,..did play together
Now they drink together..adults

@GandTfortea thank you. The age gap is too big for playing together now I think. If it was a few years ago maybe I would feel different

@Zandasstar7 how are you feeling about it? I'm nervous about the process and the pain!

@Promiseauctionn how did you find the process?

@Blueskies12 emotionally tough, physically fine. I did it while my DC were at school/nursery. It was done in four hours or so and I could potter around while it was happening. I watched a lot of Netflix.

I am actually not nervous to be honest. I have done it before. Feel free to message me with any questions.
Once you have your decision it’s quite a relief. For me anyway x

Glad your not nervous @Zandasstar7. Any advice for a first timer? Did the first tablet make you feel sick?

@Promiseauction glad that it was physically ok. Emotionally very hard I'm sure. Once decision made it's easier to move on I'm sure.

Still so undecided! Tablets here ready to go. Then next minute I'm like will I regret it. If you handed me the 2/3 year old I'd be ok I'd say it's going back to the baby years that I find tough.

I think if you think you’d be ok with a 2/3 year older onwards I’d grit my teeth and get through the first two years. I couldn’t imagine having a third for any of the years.

How long have you known you’re pregnant? Do you think you just need to get over the shock?

Known for 3 weeks and was sure and I think it's just caus it's time now

Hi I just wondered how you got on and how your feeling now x

Hi @Lonleygal thanks for checking in! Still in limbo. Went for scan today to see if it was help me decide but still can't!!

Yeah it’s so hard . It was definitely the worst decision I’ve ever had to make in my life ☹️

What did you end up deciding? I am literally in the same boat (unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th) and have an appointment to get the pill next week 😔

@Asdz I’m not the OP but I was in the same position and replied on the thread under a different username, so I thought I’d respond to you.

I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy and I have recently had the baby. The baby is absolutely lovely. I’m still in the newborn bubble so I don’t know how it will be in the coming weeks and months and years, but as I said in my head the other day, I didn’t want the pregnancy but I could never not want this baby now it’s here.

It’s a very difficult and individual decision so I wish you the best of luck.

That's a powerful story, Recycled. I'm so glad things worked out for you. Love always involves a risk, doesn't it? And North by North, I'm so sorry for your fertility problems, it tears at the heart to see someone so desperate to adopt. Can I ask where in the world you are? I hope you will be able to find a baby to raise and lavish with love.