Unplanned third pregnancy - don’t know what to do.

[Ifeelstuck]

Currently have two kids - age 10 and 2. Found out a few weeks ago I am pregnant again - not intentionally. I don’t know what to do.

I felt awful after having our youngest, I am convinced I had either post natal anxiety (I had anxiety pre pregnancy anyway) or post natal depression. Since we had her I have constantly had people asking if we will have any more - immediate answer is always no. I couldn’t think of anything worse. I think due to fear of the way I felt after youngest. Plus I had severe pre eclampsia in both pregnancies.

My immediate reaction when the test turned positive this time was to have a termination and I said this to my OH when he asked ‘what are we going to do?’. He said he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

He has said he will support whichever decision I want to make. But I feel he wants to keep - he has came up with reasons why it would be a good idea. I can only think of negative impacts it will have.

I had 100% made my mind up. Until I started to Google abortion procedure - scan first plus what then happens and read some threads on here.

Will I regret the decision to abort? Is it going to be worse than having another child?

A close family member is also pregnant and due later this year so I feel there would always be a constant reminder of our termination if we do that as both would be same age, at the same stage etc.

Any advice….

How are you getting on?
Unfortunately only you can decide what is best for you and your family. I say that as someone who terminated their third pregnancy, but still don't know what the right decision was. Perhaps contact some abortion providers. Some offer counselling which might be helpful.

When I had my termination, I didn't have to see or hear the scan if I didn't want to. So try not to worry about that bit too much.

And if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, mention your mental health worries to your midwife as soon as possible. They might be able to provide you with some support.

It's so difficult , I hope you can come to a decision you are comfortable with x

If you're in any way unsure, then don't make any abrupt decisions. Weigh it up. There's quite a big age gap between your children, a new baby would mean your youngest has a sibling of the same age range to play with when your oldest is in their teens. Obviously that's not a reason to keep it but it's like when you weigh up the pros and cons of anything in life. Equally if you only ever wanted 2 and you're happy with the dynamic as is then that goes in the cons.

I had my 3rd when my older ones were 11 and 8 and I really wish I could've had a 4th as now the older ones are off living their own lives much of the time, she's almost an only child in that respect. It would've been nice to have one more so she had the same dynamic her older siblings had. But that's just my take on it. Unfortunately I had complications after her delivery and was unable to have any more.

My advice would be to look at everything, from the family dynamic to finances and of course to how you'd handle it emotional and mentally.

Do you know how many weeks you are? That affects how much time you have to make a decision. The UK abortion providers all offer a session of counseling to discuss your options and help you make a decision/make sure you are comfortable with your decision. You can call them and say you’re considering a termination and would like to discuss it with someone.