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Pregnancy choices

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*tw abortion* aibu to want some emotional support?

8 replies

MirrorTime · 10/03/2022 22:12

I had a medical abortion at home today, and I've found the whole process to be upsetting and actually quite traumatic, although it was definitely for the best.

I've been in a lot of pain, and on and off the toilet all afternoon / night. My partner was looking after the children in another part of the house after school, which he complained about having to do as it meant he had to take a night off from work, but kept allowing them to run in and jump all over me when I was trying to rest. He did fetch me a hot water bottle and drinks when I asked, but he's given me no emotional support whatsoever, even after the kids were in bed he's sat beside me eating a curry, messing on his phone and ignoring me whilst I'm visibly in a lot of pain.

I got upset and asked him to just go to another room if he's only going to ignore me and he started shouting at me because he told me he's done everything he could to look after me (meaning he brought me a hot water bottle when I asked) but that he's not an emotional person and l shouldn't expect emotional support. He also complained when i asked if he could get up to do the school run in the morning. Is it normal for men to not understand that this can be an emotionally and physically hard time? and am i being unreasonable to think he could at least acknowledge what I'm going through ? Sorry if this is rambling

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 10/03/2022 22:14

I'm sorry he's not being supportive. Was he fully on board with the abortion?

I hope your pain eases soon Flowers

OnceMoreWithoutFeeling · 10/03/2022 22:16

He sounds like an arsehole OP. I'm sorry for what you're going through Flowers

MirrorTime · 10/03/2022 22:16

He was absolutely on board, he said there was no way on earth he wanted another child, amongst other things

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 10/03/2022 22:19

No, it;s bloody not normal. How dare he tell you you're not entitled to expect emotional support. Shouting at you was unpardonable. He's an adult ffs, he knows damn well that this is a traumatic time for a lot of women - however sure you are about the termination, it can still be a rough ride for some. Everyone knows that.

You absolutely should expect better than this. And in the absence of a grovelling, sincere apology and some proper support, I'd be reconsidering this relationship.

Nelliephant1 · 10/03/2022 22:21

He's going through his own stuff most likely. He probably hoped that it would just happen without him being too involved or being too obvious so he didn't have to think about it too much. Doesn't help you though unfortunately

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 10/03/2022 22:25

Sorry you're going through this OP, he sounds like a selfish arsehole. Not sure if it's part of a pattern or a one off (although I could take a good guess) but it would change how I felt about him. He might well be shit at emotional stuff, but keeping the kids out of the way and not yelling at you is the absolute minimum you'd expect. You deserve much more, and when you're feeling better it might be worth thinking about whether you want a future with him in it.

MirrorTime · 10/03/2022 22:34

Yes it is part of a pattern. He said I must be schizophrenic because I asked him for a hug earlier and then later on I asked him to go to another room because he was ignoring me and I was upset

OP posts:
Jsh125 · 10/03/2022 22:36

I'm really sorry you're going through this & don't feel supported by your partner. You're definitely not expecting too much for him to be kind & supportive, you'd hope that's the minimum he'd manage - just because you're the one physically going through it, he had an equal part in all of this.

I had a medical termination just under 5 weeks ago now & the first day is definitely the worst (in my experience, I felt physically horrendous after the second lot of tablets ). If you need to offload or some support then I'm here if I can help SmileThanks

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