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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Pregnancy choices

Abortion help

11 replies

Scared35 · 07/03/2022 12:52

Hi there. I’ve never posted here before but looking for some support.

I just found out I’m pregnant. My husband and I didn’t think we could get pregnant. We had tried for years and then I was told I had endometriosis. We were ok with this and realized we weren’t desparate for children.

I am accidentally pregnant now (35 years old) in what is an absolute shock. I lost my mum last year suddenly and really did not think I could get pregnant, I have been so stressed and cannot believe my body has managed this.

After thinking about it I want an abortion. I have contacted BPAS and have a consultation by phone on Thursday.

I want a surgical abortion with local anesthesia if possible.

I just can’t stop crying and feel very emotional. I’m sure about my decision but just feel so all over the place. I am also worried about how I am going to hold it together at work until this is all over.

I’ve only told my husband who is very supportive and my best friend. I’m not sure anyone else would understand.


I’m also concerned how long it’s going to take to get a date for the abortion. I’ve read some horror stories on wait times.

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aspy7 · 07/03/2022 14:51

Hi @Scared35 just wanted to give a bit of reassurance- I had a medical abortion a week ago through BPAS. I had a phone consultation within 2 days, because I gave PCOS they wanted me to come in for a scan and managed to offer me one for that week on the Saturday - I took the pills home and started them the same day - so from first contact to getting the treatment it was a week. Not sure about surgical though xx

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Scared35 · 07/03/2022 15:05

Hello @aspy7 thanks so much for replying.

I just can’t stop bursting into tears and sobbing. I just feel awful.

I am guessing they will want me to come in for a scan because of the endometriosis but I will have to wait and see.

Hopefully mine will be quick too. Can I ask please how you found the medical abortion? I have read such horror stories which is what has really put me off xx

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aspy7 · 07/03/2022 15:21

Hey @Scared35 totally understand - I realised I was pregnant on the Sunday and was in tears non stop conflicted between whether I should keep the baby or not. I was convinced this would be my last chance as I have PCOS - but I had to think realistically if I would be able to do it and ultimately at the moment it was best for me and my situation. The wait was the absolute worst and I must have read every single thing about abortion ever written anywhere on the internet! Definitely the worst thing to do - I gave myself so much anxiety about it - but honestly I went in for the scan (was a 2 hour drive away) and BPAS were brilliant- really supportive and kind. My scan showed I was 5 weeks and 5 days - i chose the medical because I was so early. I took the first tablet there and was fine with no side effects. I took the next lot the next day (after 24 hours) and I started bleeding after 3/4 hours. I did have cramps/pain but I took pain relief and it was totally bearable, like a heavy period - nothing at all like what I had read! The cramps and pain stopped the same evening and I was surprised I felt pretty much ok the next day. I felt so much relief (feel guilty saying that) xx

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Scared35 · 07/03/2022 15:37

It’s nice to hear from someone in a similar position @aspy7 - I keep bursting into tears literally sobbing. I think it’s the shock of it all, I never thought I’d be in the position.

That doesn’t sound too bad, I probably shouldn’t have read stuff online. I will see what the nurse says, maybe as I am so early on it won’t be so bad if I was to have the pills.

You definitely shouldn’t feel guilty but I completely understand. I feel guilt too. I think it’s all the waiting now that’s making it all a lot worse xx

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whumpthereitis · 07/03/2022 15:49

I get the impression that, because of your diagnosis, you’re beating yourself up because you think you should want to continue the pregnancy, and that you’re doing something wrong in deciding not to?

I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t punish yourself like this. You’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and you have no reason to feel guilty. Even with a diagnosis not every pregnancy is a blessing, and you’re fully entitled to live your life in the way you want to. You only get one life, and frankly it’s too short to spend it consumed by guilt based on preconceived notions of what you should think, feel, or do.

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aspy7 · 07/03/2022 15:56

@Scared35 100% the waiting was by far the worst - the actual process was relatively quick in comparison. Just see how the consultation goes, and they are so helpful when talking through which way would be best for you. For me I just wanted to get it over with ASAP, I couldn't think of anything else a bit like in limbo. But honestly whichever way you do it will be fine, BPAS were really good x

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Scared35 · 07/03/2022 16:04

@whumpthereitis gosh you’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head.

I do feel oh my mum died and I’ve got endo, it’s a miracle baby, but the truth is, I don’t want it and absolutely have to do what is right for me but I’d be lying if I said guilt and shame hadn’t crept in. I am absolutely pro choice but because of the circumstances I’ve found myself in, it’s making it worse.

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whumpthereitis · 07/03/2022 16:19

[quote Scared35]@whumpthereitis gosh you’ve absolutely hit the nail on the head.

I do feel oh my mum died and I’ve got endo, it’s a miracle baby, but the truth is, I don’t want it and absolutely have to do what is right for me but I’d be lying if I said guilt and shame hadn’t crept in. I am absolutely pro choice but because of the circumstances I’ve found myself in, it’s making it worse.[/quote]
The complexity of your feelings are understandable, but honestly this: ‘but the truth is, I don’t want it’ is the only thing that matters here. The rest is white noise.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else would do in your situation, because they’re not you. You’re doing absolutely nothing that warrants you beating yourself up. You’re making the decision that is best for your own life, and that frankly is a positive thing.

It’s easier said than done I know, but please make an effort to treat yourself kindly. You don’t deserve disapprobation, from yourself or anyone else.

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SickAndTiredAgain · 07/03/2022 16:24

I had a surgical abortion with BPAS at 5.5 weeks - I can’t remember exactly the wait time but it can’t have been long as I wasn’t that pregnant.

I just requested the surgical, and they were fine with it - I have a severe phobia of vomiting and was scared of the stories of the pills making you sick. I just had local anaesthetic which was fine, some strong cramping for about 10 seconds while they did it, and some period-like pain and bleeding for a few days after. The procedure itself was 2 mins, I was in the procedure room for less than 10, and then was in a recovery area to rest, take some antibiotics etc. and then left pretty quickly.

Obviously not a pleasant experience but it was only unpleasant mentally/emotionally, physically it was fine. The speculum was like a smear, I didn’t feel the anaesthetic injection at all, and then just strong cramping but very short lived as I said.
BPAS also offer counselling - I didn’t use this but you should if you feel like you need it.

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Scared35 · 07/03/2022 19:18

@whumpthereitis thanks so much xx

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Scared35 · 07/03/2022 19:19

@SickAndTiredAgain

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It has made me feel better to know someone else has gone through it and it wasn’t completely horrendous. Some of these stories are terrifying and I know I shouldn’t google but can’t help it.

The waiting is the worst part x

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