Abortion

[Drstth]

I am 41 years old have a past history of a miss and ectopic. But went on to have 3 beautiful children.
I've since found out I'm pregnant again and am totaly not wanting to be. I have done having baby's and caring for them and now I thought was my time. I have a 23 year old elder daughter and had her when I was 17 so all my life I've been looking after children and now was my time for me. I know it sounds selfish to some people but I have gone through a lot mentally in my life during past pregnancy and after my past loses and the last 2 years was where I'd started to pick up and be more the old me before all the mental issues I've suffered.
I really don't want to be pregnant right now I want to have an abortion but I've got so much guilt as well going through my head as to how could I possibly be wanting to end a pregnancy when I've suffered heart breaking losses in the past.. But its something I need to do I can't cope being pregnant any more I can't cope with caring for another child I have done having my children and now was my time for me. I feel so selfish for saying that but it's how I feel

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

It is not selfish to assert your right to steward your mental and physical energy for the benefit of your existing children and yourself, and to choose not to bring another life into the world.

There isn't a "person" in there to feel guilty about or responsible to. There is only a potentiality. It is no more a tragedy to terminate that potentiality deliberately than it is a tragedy for you to have a period. Vast numbers of fertilised eggs divide enough to form a cell cluster and never implant. You do what is right for you and ignore the voices that want to control your choices without having any consequences to themselves that are affected by your decision - it's not any of their business what you do.

Please don't feel guilty, it sounds like this is the right decision for you.

I was in a similar position last year, 41 and found myself unexpectedly pregnant. I have 2 children who are still quite young. Although I'm nowhere near the stage of getting time back for myself, I know I couldn't have coped with another one. I had my 2 close together which was hard in itself but I kept telling myself at least we're getting all the sleepless nights, potty training etc out of the way quickly, I really couldn't have gone back to that.

It was the right decision for me and I have made peace with it. To be honest, I now look at friends who have 3 or 4 children in awe, and wonder how on earth they manage it.

That's how I have felt I've over the last few years I look at people and think God in glad I'm not having to do all that again sleepless nights the lot. My 3 younger children are 10 7 and 5. And I had made peace thst these was all I was having I feel so shitty at the moment because of niggles of pregnancy sickness sore boobs. And pains. I don't even know how far gone I am I coniviced my self I was going through peri because my period in December both come 5 to 6 days early and im never early. They lasted a few days and was painful then the last period didn't come and I presumed I was having the menopause because been having night sweats mood swings etc for months. It was only when I started to feel more tireder achy and nauseaus that I did the test and it came back positive. I didn't have one bit of happiness in me seeing those 2 lines. Where if it was when I was 26 years old again I'd of been praying for the day of seeing those lines after my miss and ectopic

I was in the same position last month. 40 in a few weeks with two young kids and didn’t feel a could cope, I also didn’t want to just cope anymore. I made a choice between surviving and thriving.

The process itself was easy but four weeks on I’m a bit fragile and sad and angry. I know these are natural emotions though and I just need to give it time. Just be ready for that I guess, the hormone crash.

So I’m here writing this , after having a mini breakdown, I would like to say different but I’m really struggling right now.
I found out that I am 5,4 days pregnant , and my partner made it clear he wasn’t ready for a family , I have fibromyalgia so I struggle holding down work etc so he has to provide a lot . I’m 29 and would love to be a parent . But I don’t have a house a decent job and I’m just beside myself that I can’t give a child what it needs.

I rang and was told to go for a scan as they wanted to check it wasn’t ectopic . I was told I can wait as they were super busy (I didn’t want to as I was concerned the longer I left it the more I’d struggle to let go) or go private . So the same day that’s what I did .

I put on the notes why I was going to this private scanning place and what the termination place needed, sat in there on my own, and soon came to realise happy couples being congratulated. I was called in, the screens were put on, they kept zooming in telling me to look at the heartbeat , and at the end I was given a report and told ‘congratulations’ and a special offer list for future 25 week scans. It was evident no notes were read and the guilt I felt has eaten me away since . I feel useless, worthless and incompetent when I had been so careful (I was taking St. John’s wort) I didn’t realise at the time of conception I just got it for feeling low with my pain etc.

I wish I had more energy and my health was better , I wish I had more money for the house , I wish my partner could want kids with me (he keeps saying , one day but not now I can’t do it all) . I feel like it’s coming up to the tablets day I’m waiting for them to come . And I am lost. How do I carry on, my soul stays with the ‘congratulations’ of a want , that I can’t ever commit to. I don’t know what I expect writing this, I’m also worried that my guilt of this will mean when my partner is ready I won’t be able to cope because of all of this , but even if someone resonates at least it will help someone not feel so alone

You have nothing to feel guilty about

You got pregnant by accident, it’s not the right decision for you to have a baby so you are going to have a termination

This is completely sensible and fine. I know it feels emotive, but there is no point bringing a child into the world you don’t want.

@Drstth You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your past losses do not define or determine how you handle future pregnancies.

Do what is right for you now 💕