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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Abortion?

13 replies

Jamaisy82 · 01/03/2022 09:57

Hi I'm 39 years old and I am now 11 weeks pregnant. I was on the pill but got pregnant, I have a partner who is supportive but I don't want another child, my son is 21 and I thought I wouldn't mind but I feel utterly depressed and down. I don't feel excited or happy. I got the ball rolling with an abortion enquiry which has been such a long process, took me 3 weeks to get a consultation and another 2 weeks for a scan and due in another week and a half to get termination, I just don't know if making right decision. I know at this moment I don't want a child. Anyone in a similar situation?

OP posts:

whattodo12349 · 01/03/2022 12:06

Hi. Not the same as my children are still very young (4&2) but I found myself unexpectedly pregnant in early Feb and had an abortion.

We decided not to keep it but then decided to keep it as I was worried that I'd always regret it and that our reasons weren't 'good enough'. But I was so depressed after that. I just did not want to be a mother again. Too much would have to change. I already struggled being a good enough mum to the ones I have while juggling full time work. So in the end we aborted.

And it's been ok. Emotional and I'm still a bit confused and sad three weeks on. But it's not regret.

Original poster

Jamaisy82 · 01/03/2022 12:30

Thanks for your reply. May as ask of you had medical or surgical? I suppose I'm a little scared of the process. I know in my mind that I don't want a another child but there's always that worry of regret. I've been so stressed about it all lately. I just want it all over and done with.

OP posts:

whattodo12349 · 01/03/2022 12:58

I had a medical, at home. I was just over 7 weeks in the end. It was absolutely fine. I was also very worried about it leading up to it. Having close to panic attacks at the thought of doing it, I got myself in to a real state. But actually there was no pain and everything was contained to the loo. I stayed in bed for the day and watched comfort TV.

I'm sure surgical would be ok too though and it would be over quicker.

whattodo12349 · 01/03/2022 13:03

Not trying to change your mind or anything, I can well imagine how you're feeling finding yourself in this situation with a grown up child, but have you considered you might have antenatal depression? Your hormones can do weird things to you.

That said I'm also 39. Would have been 40 by the time I gave birth. And I just felt too old and too tired and more than ready to focus on my own health and well-being rather than give myself over to another child again.

Best of luck whatever you decide. It's a horribly emotional thing to deal with.

Original poster

Jamaisy82 · 01/03/2022 14:05

Il be getting surgical with just local anesthesia but I'm trying to get put to sleep as I'd find this better to cope with than being awake and aware. Yes I do think I have some depression, I've spoken to doctor about this. I feel the same as you though I just feel too old and tired to start over from scratch.

OP posts:

Waddlegoose · 01/03/2022 14:22

Have you been offered any counselling? I would 100% recommended it and it can help before and after if you go forward with the termination.

Original poster

Jamaisy82 · 01/03/2022 14:27

Yes I have been offered it and I think I should take it up. Just never been depressed before so it's all new.

OP posts:

Waddlegoose · 01/03/2022 15:09

@Jamaisy82 it isn’t just for when your depressed. I’ve never been depressed but honestly I like having a counselling session. They are good at getting to routes of your feelings. Why you feel the way you do etc. It can make you realise why you feel the way you do or they say you react in situations due to a previous experience. I would definitely talk through with them your feelings. Sending you a virtual hug! It’s a hard situation

Original poster

Jamaisy82 · 01/03/2022 15:32

Yes thats true, best just to talk it over. Thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

smith35 · 17/03/2022 07:11

@whattodo12349

I'm sure surgical would be ok too though and it would be over quicker.

I've been terrified for days as I am having a medical abortion next week and craping my pants worried about the pain! The nurse I spoke to said it's painful. My mum had one years ago and said that it's fine she said it's cramping but can deal with it and I will be fine. Your experience sounds similar x

Blueskies12 · 19/03/2022 10:54

@whattodo12349 your comments have really helped me thanks! I'm in a similar position only I have 3 kids abs afraid I will regret aborting the 4th. Only 5 weeks. But like you I feel I will wont be able to mind the 3 I have

Clo02clo · 09/09/2022 22:47

Hello, I'm in a similar situation how did you get on in the end ?

Anon7890 · 27/01/2023 22:17

Hi, sorry to jump on an old post, but I’m in a similar position. My son is 14 this year and I’m currently 9 weeks and never felt more miserable about anything, despite wanting it for years. Only been with partner for 4 months too so all quite overwhelming. Have contacted MSI and BPAS in the hope of some help as my go just wasn’t interested. Worried that I’ll feel regret after an abortion but equally worried about going ahead with pregnancy.

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