Considering termination of planned pregnancy due to severe anxiety

[KatG01]

Hi, I am really struggling at the moment and came on here looking for some support/help.

I am 6 weeks pregnant and it was a planned pregnancy. I suffered 2 miscarriages last year. I have 2 children from a previous relationship but my husband and I wanted a child together.

I suffer from anxiety and take antidepressants. I became anxious when I found out I was pregnant mainly at first because I was worried I would have another miscarriage. I spoke to my doctor and she increased my antidepressant dose to try and keep on top of the anxiety. At 5 weeks I also started with bad nausea/sickness which has made me feel down. However the increased dose had led to my anxiety getting out of control. It is a known side effect that it can make you more anxious when you start taking it or increase the dose.

I have spent the last 2 days extremely anxious and now regretting getting pregnant because of the impact it is having on my mental health. I feel worse and worse each day to the point I am constantly overcome with horrific anxiety. I keep telling myself to give the increased dose time to work but the anxiety and absolute fear keeps coming over me and is taking over my life. I'm scared I won't stop feeling like this and will end up suicidal like I have in the past when my anxiety has been bad.

I feel like a termination is the only way to make this anxiety go away even though it was a planned pregnancy.

Feel so scared and don't know where to turn.

[PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo]

Huge hugs xx
Is it a side effect or is it a bad reaction to the new dose. I had a bad reaction to one once, similar to you, and they took it back to the original dose and then swapped it over to a new med before increasing again. The new med was much better.

[KatG01]

@PigletTiggerEeyoreAndRoo thanks for your reply. I have been on sertraline for many years at various doses. For the last few years i have been on a low dose as my anxiety has been ok. In hindsight I should have increased the dose more slowly but I just went along with the dose the doctor told me to take. It has been a long time since I increased the dose previously so have forgotten the nasty side effects.

It causes palpitations, shaking etc which are the symptoms I get when anxious. When I feel like that it reminds me of the times I have been really bad in the past and I just want it to go away. I feel like the only way to make it go away is to have a termination as the reason I am anxious is the pregnancy. Maybe I am just not strong enough to go through this. I just wish I could deal with things better.

[Hangingtrousers]

Is there anyone you can talk to? Can you pay for counselling?

[ihatethecold]

Hey Op.
this sounds tough. One thing that anxiety does is lie to you. It really is a cruel and debilitating illness.

Before you make any decisions based on how you are currently feeling can you get some psychological support?

Even paying for a few sessions with a counsellor to help to separate the anxiety with your true needs and wants.
Maybe drop down the medication to previous manageable levels.
Keep posting on here.

Does anyone know any charities that support ante natal mental health on here?

Can you ask your GP to refer you urgently to the mht.
They may have a specific ante natal team.

[ihatethecold]

pandasfoundation.org.uk/

[KatG01]

I contacted my local mental health team yesterday and they just said give the increased dose time to work etc then make a decision. Woke up feeling worse than ever this morning. The anxiety is getting worse each day and i just want this situation to go away.

[Oxfordshiremummy88]

Kat - how are things for you now? I’m struggling with a similar situation and wanted to know how it went for you? I’ve known I’m pregnant for 10 days and I’m not coping well. I can’t eat/sleep/stop crying or catch my breath most the time. I have two young children and I worry I just won’t be able to cope, especially with this crippling anxiety. I wonder if it’s related to after I had my second child I had terrible post partum depression to the point I wanted to end my life and I’m so scared I’m heading back there since finding out about this pregnancy. My husband is being supportive and says we need to do what ever is best for me and our family. I just can’t see a way out of it but terminating the pregnancy

[KatG01]

Hi @Oxfordshiremummy88, sorry you're going through the same.

I ended up having a termination last week at 8 weeks pregnant because the anxiety got so bad that I felt suicidal.

I can't get my head round what happened to be honest, this was a planned pregnancy and went through so much to get in that position but the anxiety took over and made me feel like I wouldn't be able to cope and I felt terrified. I tried to get help and fight through it but I was just getting worse. In the end my husband said a termination was probably for the best as my health was more important. He really wanted this baby and I feel awful for letting him down but anxiety is such a cruel thing. Not sure I could have made that decision on my own.

I also had bad anxiety after the birth of my second daughter and have had a lot of trauma related to pregnancies - ectopic, miscarriages, been told my oldest daughter might have down syndrome half way through the pregnancy etc so I have not had it easy when it comes to having children. I was worried the pregnancy would trigger my anxiety but my anxiety was under control before I got pregnant so hoped I would be ok. That wasn't the case though.

I have been seeing a counsellor and she explained its all down to past trauma and your mind remembers how you felt in similar situations in the past and so it all triggers off again.

I really feel for you because I know exactly how you feel. I'm here if you need to talk xx

[Oxfordshiremummy88]

Thank you so much. It’s so nice to hear that I’m not the only person that has gone through these thoughts. I love my children so much and was happy seeing the positive pregnancy test with both of them even though the second was a surprise. I haven’t felt happy for even a minute since this planned pregnancy. How could I want this so much before and now feel like this? I’ve felt really good for the last 18 months and thought I was in a really good place. I do think your councilor might be right. I was just so taken back to that feeling when my youngest was 6 months and I felt rock bottom. I don’t think my births helped as the second especially felt very traumatic.

My husband is hoping I’ll come round but I’m booked in for a termination on Friday. I didn’t think I would ever have an abortion but I can’t carry on like this. And I really want to get back to a few weeks ago when I felt like I was a good mum. I would give myself longer to think about it but I can already feel the nausea creep in and know I’m a week it’ll be unbearable. I don’t want to put my husband through weeks more of hope that I will change my mind or get my head round it.

After, do you mind me asking how you’ve been feeling? Do you feel less panicked?

[KatG01]

My anxiety is a lot better now but I feel very guilty and sad about what happened. It does get easier each day though. It's been 10 days since my termination. I really wish I could have just got through it but I'm not sure my anxiety would have ever gone away and if I was feeling so bad early on in pregnancy it was inevitable I would suffer again after the birth. I just think it was too much to put myself through all that again and it took me getting pregnant to realise that.

I will never forgive myself but I just have to remember how bad I was and accept that a termination was a better option than me ending my life.

I was ok for the first 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant as I was just expecting another miscarriage but then the sickness started and things were going well but instead of being happy it just triggered my anxiety. I tried so hard to get help, i even took myself to hospital because of the thoughts I was having hoping that they would help me but there was no help in hospital it was just a case of keeping me safe.

I would definitely recommend seeing a counsellor as it helps you understand why you felt the way you did and helps deal with the guilt.

You can message me anytime xx

[Oxfordshiremummy88]

I’m sorry you went through this. It’s heartbreaking. Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel comforted to hear that there might be an end to how I’m feeling and hopefully I can move on with my life starting next week. I just wish I’d had some insight that I would have felt quite like this otherwise we would never have considered another child. It’s totally knocked me. I have never ever felt this bad. I know I will never trust me to try again one day and I’m in mourning knowing that I have to say goodbye to the baby phase along with this baby. I wish I was stronger. I’m trying to make a list of all the fun things I’ll be able to do this summer with the two children we have. Just have to get through this week….

[KatG01]

You will get through it but it will be hard at first. I still felt anxious at first after the termination as I felt so sad/guilty and wondered whether I had done the right thing and if I would regret it. The anxiety wasn't as bad as it was before though. It was then replaced by feeling very emotional and wondering if I could ever forgive myself for creating the baby then ending its life. I guess the hormones make you more emotional too.

Without the support of my husband I would still be struggling even more as I feel so bad for doing this to him. We both have kids from previous relationships and I really wanted us to have a child together but I am obviously not strong enough to go through it all again. Like you I wish I had realised before trying that i would struggle with anxiety, I knew it was a possibility but as I was feeling OK at the time I just hoped it wouldn't happen.

I am doing the same as you and focusing on and being thankful for what I already have. I will always feel guilty and sad about what I did but I have to remember how unwell I was and that I just wasn't strong enough xx

[Asr22]

Hi, I am in a very similar situation as you were and was wondering how you are doing now? I’m currently looking into my abortion options and it has been very difficult. Ideally, I would have a sedated D&C, but they don’t have availability for 2 1/2 more weeks & I don’t think my mental health will make it that long. Otherwise, I would have to do the medical abortion, which scares me A lot. What route did you take if you don’t mind me asking?

[Asr22]

Hi, I am in a very similar situation as you were and was wondering how you are doing now? I’m currently looking into my abortion options and it has been very difficult. Ideally, I would have a sedated D&C, but they don’t have availability for 2 1/2 more weeks & I don’t think my mental health will make it that long. Otherwise, I would have to do the medical abortion, which scares me A lot. What route did you take if you don’t mind me asking?