Abortion or keep?

[nj556]

Apologies for repeat post, just wanted to try a different post topic. I’m 19 and recently found out I’m around 6 weeks pregnant despite being on the pill. This came as a huge shock to me and I don’t know how to move forward. Before finding out I was convinced I would always have an abortion in this situation if it happened but my head is all over the place.

I am on a leave of absence from university, I’m due to change course and go back in September to study occupational therapy and I am really excited for this. I wouldn't be able to start the course heavily pregnant (8/9 months) due to health & safety risks. I would also be away for fairly long periods of time on placement. I’m working in the meantime but my contract ends at the end of April and no guarantee that this would be extended so have no job security.
My boyfriend (21) is second year at uni, we have a stable relationship and live together but he has worries about being ready to be a dad.

We both want this a few years down the line and wish it was happening then. I have booked a consultation for an abortion but don’t know if I can go through with it as part of me wants to keep the baby, I just have no idea where to start. I don’t know how we’ll afford to support ourselves + baby just off of my boyfriends student loan as I don’t have any promised work and I wouldn’t be able to go back to uni. We’d also potentially need to find somewhere new to live as our student landlord would probably not let us stay here. It may just not be the right time and I want to accept that and go back to uni & try again in the future, but I can’t shake the feeling that I may regret having an abortion as it just makes me so sad to think about. I am barely able to stop crying when talking about it. I know that I could also potentially regret having a child though if it stops me or my boyfriend from finishing uni etc & I don't think it's fair to bring a child into that situation. I'm just so torn.

Any advice? Either regarding how to make the choice or how to support ourselves if we did decide to continue…

You potentially have nowhere to live, no full time jobs, a boyfriend who isn't ready to be a dad, and no way to support a baby.

You say you have a stable relationship but let's say you go ahead with the pregnancy and he decides he doesn't want the relationship, you can't survive on his student loan then.

Honestly I think in your situation I would terminate. You can't give a child the life you want to be able to, you would miss out on education and career opportunities and your boyfriend would have an extreme amount of pressure put onto him in a situation he doesn't even want.

If you do decide to keep the baby try and get a full time permanent job ASAP so you're at least entitled to maternity pay and almost certainly be entitled to UC. You'd get child benefit too.

It's a really hard situation to be in.

I got pregnant on the pill at 21, living in student accommodation. This was 6 years ago so things may have changed a little?

The first thing I will say is, you mention about having a baby but it's better to think about having a child who will be relying on you daily for the next 16+ years.

Before making a decision I'd really think about and find out your financial options. I ended up in so much debt to afford to move somewhere suitable and buy baby things. 7 years later I am still in debt, I have almost paid this off but it had a huge impact on my relationship and I am now a single mother.

My life completely revolves around my son (as it should), and has done since he was born. When they are a baby it's feeding, appointments etc and when they are older it's school runs, play dates, clubs, parents evenings.

If I was wanting to start a course and find a job this is something to consider. If you have help from family or friends around this is good, but if not then think about how you can accommodate that now.

I will say, it's hard! So really consider how you would support a child and also yourself if you were to go ahead.

I know this reply has been quite negative, my son is my best friend and my absolute world but it hasn't been easy and it has taken me to the age of almost 7 to be able to give him the life I would have wanted to from day 1.

I recently fell pregnant again and decided to terminate for this reason.

Best of luck with whatever decision you make. If you have any questions feel free to ask x

Have you got anyone to talk to?

Hi, please see what I've just posted on your other thread. You need to consider the bottom line here, with absolute clarity.

Would you have support from parents?

* You potentially have nowhere to live, no full time jobs, a boyfriend who isn't ready to be a dad, and no way to support a baby.*

^Dont bring a baby into a world like this.

Definitely talk it out with someone.
I had one in not too dissimilar circumstances.

I didn't want the life that comes with having a child at such a young age. I also know the failure rate of relationships in late teens and 20s and didn't want to be a single mother.
I also thought I'd resent not be able to fulfil my earning and career potential or travel and see as much of the world I'd like.
Deciding factors were that I knew I wouldn't be able to give the child the life I'd want for them AND that I'd have limited support/statistically likely to be a single mum.
(My boyfriend and I in fact broke up 12 months later totally unrelated to the abortion)

Many moons later I am now having a baby with my lovely husband we are financially secure I have a good mat package and we just finished our very nice nursery.

For me personally it was the right choice and while occasionally I think about it, it can be years in between thinking about it and i don't regret it. At all.