Abortion 1 month ago and now complete regret

[EmilyD21]

Hello,

Looking for people who have been through similar really.

We have an 18 month old dd - who was born in July 2020 in the middle of the Covid Crisis.
I found out I was pregnant in January and immediately felt terrified and told my husband I couldn’t do it.
I had a really really traumatic time with dd as was pregnant and told to isolate for many months of pregnancy; I was then in labour by myself in hospital, was then in hospital for a week by myself with no visitors and this new little baby. It was absolutely terrifying! We got pregnant before covid was even a thing, so it’s not how I had planned it at all.

I also got severely Ill 2 weeks after birth so was in hospital without baby for a period of time.

Due to all of this fear about ‘what if’ similar happened again, I had a medical abortion at home - it was all very quick. A phone call and they sent pills to my home.

I’m now absolutely full of regret. It’s all I can think about and I wish I could go back in time. I wish more than anything that I could as I wouldn’t have gone ahead.
The fear and anxiety took over.

All I want is to try for a baby. I know how ridiculous that sounds, as I was just given the chance and awfully took it away from myself 😟. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

I’d politely ask for no judgement. None of this is easy! Thanks so much in advance.

Hi. Sorry you're feeling like this.

There are plenty of people who've had an abortion and then gone on to have another pregnancy soon after. I'm not one of them so can't give you any first hand experience but hopefully someone else will comment soon.

I did have an abortion about 7 years before my first though. I didn't regret that abortion exactly as I wasn't with the father but it was a very emotional time and I felt ongoing guilt around it. However once I had my first it all made sense. It was healing and without going through that abortion I would have had my wonderful children.

You had an awful start to motherhood so please don't be hard on yourself. It's unsurprising that you reacted the way you did this time. And also do remember that your hormones are all over the place at the moment. It's natural for your body to be telling you to try again. But it doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be feeling the same way in a few months and that it's the best thing for you.

I have been in your situation. I fell pregnant too soon after DC and all I could focus on was the negatives. I have severe morning sickness which completely clouded my judgement. While I don’t necessarily regret the termination (I have to think I did it for the right reasons) I do regret not giving myself more time to think it through.

Afterwards all I could think about was planning when we could have another, it’s almost all consuming thinking about ttc.

You are not alone, it’s completely ok to feel sad, upset, angry etc. Yes it’s a choice but you can still grieve. It’s a rubbish situation, a rock and hard place.

I am now pregnant again and the termination thoughts are creeping in due to the sickness. I am trying a 4th set of tablets and exhausting all possible routes to try and get me through this. I am speaking to a councillor to try and help the mental side. This could be something you might benefit from?

Please be kind to yourself, you did what you thought was right at the time. If you could go back to yourself before the termination what would have got you through my it? What can you put in place now so when you ttc you are more mentally ready?

For some people, the ready availability of abortion pills is not helpful. It made it too 'easy' for you. I'm so sorry, OP, for your loss 😞

Life is full of hope and always forgiving. Just let your body take over now. Of course have another baby. As soon as you like. This is as much your choice and right as anything else. Just do it.

I feel like I wrote this myself, I feel absolutely awful 😢 I can’t sleep at night it’s making me ill, are you feeling any better?

Hi there
I also had an abortion earlier this year, I have 2 kids already and felt I would put everyone at risk if I continued with the pregnancy. I feel I was not myself for the 3 weeks I knew I was pregnant.
After the termination I felt myself again right away and felt it had been such a mistake. I still can’t understand how it happened that I thought I could not have another child when I always wanted 3 kids.
It was one month ago, I was sort of depressed for 2 weeks, feeling better now but I still cry a lot. I also think about having another vaby all the time now, not sure if tge hormones are playing with me but the feeling is so clear…
@EmilyD21 do you still feel this way? 🌸

Unfortunately not. I feel exactly the same! My husband and I have decided to start trying once my cycle is back to being regular and I’ve had a little more time etc.
I still wish more than anything that I hadn’t taken the pills. I hope you’re okay. It’s so tough!

Sending you lots of hugs, this sounds an awful situation to be in.

Is their anyone you can talk to? I think maybe you need counseling to help your feelings surrounding the birth of your first baby and everything afterwards. It sounds like you haven’t got over the trauma.

Xx

You made the right decision for your family at the time. Which is all anyone can ever do. If we had second sight about the future we might make different decisions, but we haven’t , so we can’t.

I am sorry you are feeling so sad about your decision, it must be very hard. Allow yourself to mourn for your baby, and take time to say goodbye and thank you for the time the baby was a part of your life.

Try to look forward to your future now, that could well include another child, but this time I hope you will feel positive about your pregnancy, will be anticipating the birth with excitement, and not worrying about your health.

@PerditaPerdita

For some people, the ready availability of abortion pills is not helpful. It made it too 'easy' for you. I'm so sorry, OP, for your loss 😞

Life is full of hope and always forgiving. Just let your body take over now. Of course have another baby. As soon as you like. This is as much your choice and right as anything else. Just do it.

Saying abortion is made “too easy” is a terrible thing to say. What do you want to happen? Women made to jump through impossible hoops when they are facing making painful and heartbreaking decisions? We are lucky to have humane choices and options for women in this country, if you don’t want abortion to be “too easy” for other women then try moving to Texas, or Poland, or even to Northern Ireland where despite legislation women are forced to lie , travel , suffer discrimination and abuse to have autonomy over their own body.

Hey girl. Im in exactly the same boat although I had surgical termination exactly 4 weeks ago now I want it back more than anything. What’s done is done, we can still try apparently now is also the most fertile time. I am worried I acted too much on emotions and being overwhelmed too. Don’t beat yourself up.

Hi guys, can anyone help? I had a surgical termination four weeks ago in 2 days. To say I regret is an understatement and I am sad to say now think I let panic and hormones completely take over.

my Pregnancy tests are all still coming back positive some of them are more faint with the dipsticks ones but click and flip are clear and the digital clear blue tests state 1-2 weeks. Has anyone else had this?

I was healed and sexually active with my
partner 8 days after the termination so a few nurses over the phone suspect a new pregnancy but all I can do is wait a couple of weeks now, which is sending me crazy.

anyone else been through this ?

I went through this exact situation in may. And have been wanting to get pregnant ever since. I know exactly what your going through, we have to remind ourselves at the time we made the decisions for reasons strong enough to go through with it. Even though we doubt it after, regret won’t take us back in time. I’ve since taken selenium and d3 and b6 and boosted my immune system to make sure when the time comes I am mentally prepared as well as physically. There’s always time, and another chance - don’t kick yourself ❤️

I went through this (minus the added complication of covid) 25 years ago. I had a 13-month-old and panicked at finding out I was pregnant again. It was not right and my mental health nosedived. I did feel loss and regret initially and have had odd regrets throughout the years but mostly I maintained that feeling it was the right thing for me, because it was the right thing for me. I had trouble conceiving when I attempted 6 years later (completely unrelated to the termination and an unusual situation) and never did have a second child but I have been able to accept that and focus on my child (now adult). It is a hard situation and I believe when you terminate it has to feel like the right thing at the time because you wouldn't consider it if there was a chance that you would have lifelong regrets?

I know it is different for everyone, just to say don't judge yourself, you did what you felt was right at the time, and that is all any of us can do really.

I can relate to this post so much. Had a medical termination in June and it was down to pure panic. I felt like I had no choice due to certain factors in my life at the time, and I had to make a quick decision. Things have changed since June though and I realise things would have been absolutely fine especially as me and DPs plan was to TTC in a few months anyway. I just couldn't see how it was possible back in June but now I see it would have been absolutely fine. Different, but fine. I want to TTC from next month as that was our loose plan before the termination but I feel so bad and guilty for the first one... I'm 36 so not getting any younger though so delaying it stresses me out too.

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