Wanted pregnancy…I think

[Waddlegoose]

I always wanted 3DC but we swayed between 2 and 3 constantly. I was definitely pushing for 3 more than DH.

Feel pregnant but due to HG I keep thinking about abortion or how I want to miscarry. I just want the sickness to stop and feel normal again.

I just keep thinking about the negatives of having 3DC. I have been in hospital for fluids and only 5 weeks, on third set of drugs. I’m not sure I’m mentally strong enough for this. My current children are going to suffer as I can’t be there for them.

If I had an abortion then it would all be over I could feel normal again, is that awful even if it was planned?

@Waddlegoose I’m in a similar situation, I had a miscarriage in October, desperately thought that I wanted to be pregnant again. Fell pregnant in January this year and have suffered with my mental health ever since.

I have had terrible sickness and other symptoms and spend any free time (when DP gets home) in bed utterly depressed.

I had a hard time with our son when he was a newborn and all I can think about is how much I’ll struggle with a second child. My mental health is at an all time low.

I think the hormones don’t help.

So sorry you are going through this at, @Waddlegoose. Am pregnant atm and no just the nausea is horrendous, so HG must be horrific.

What I'd worry about, was if as you say this was planned, it sounds like deep down you would like this pregnancy / 3 dc, and termination might be traumatic for you once the HG has stopped and you are feeling "normal," again.

Have you been given advice r.e. how long the HG might last for ?

It is also known that increased sickness can increase the likelihood of antenatal depression.

P.A.N.D.A'S specifically support people with antenatal depression, so you might want to give them a call.

pandasfoundation.org.uk/what-is-pnd/pre-natal-depression/

You might also find the charity Pregnancy Sickness Support helpful @Waddlegoose:

www.pregnancysicknesssupport.org.uk/

@Luckyme30 it’s so hard isn’t it.

Have you continued with your pregnancy? I also have thoughts how am I going to go through the new born stage again.

I’m hoping I miscarry so then I don’t feel guilty. Hormones are definitely not helping and the sickness is just intolerable. I feel silly even thinking I could do this again!

@chattycaterpillar you are 100% right. If I didn’t feel sick I don’t think i would considering a termination or hoping to miscarry.

I do wonder how I might feel, if I went through with the termination I would need to write myself a letter so I don’t forget why I made that choice

@Waddlegoose I am still waiting for my first appointment to discuss my options regarding a termination. Sadly I don’t think I will continue with this pregnancy.

In my heart of hearts I know what I need to do, it’s not an easy thing to do and I wish you well but definitely take some time to consider your options.
Whatever you do will be the right thing for you x

@Waddlegoose (and @Luckyme30) Just wanted to pass on my empathy. What you're dealing with is really hard

I don't know if my experience will help, I fear that if someone had said to me what I'm about to say to you when I was where you are I may have thrown something at them

I got pregnant with a desperately longed for baby via fertility treatment. I had HG and it nearly finished me off in all senses. Five years later I felt brave insane enough to do it again. More fertility treatment, got pregnant, and knew it was the biggest regret of my life. I actually remember knowing I'd feel this in advance, I remember walking out of the fertility clinic after the treatment and hoping it didn't work and telling myself I could always terminate - even thinking it stunned me as I'd just paid thousands to be in this mess...

When the HG started again I honestly thought it would break me. I remember saying to friends that even if we both made it I would always know it had been a mistake, that five years down the line I'd still be holding to that. I actually think I went slightly mad with the dehydration and meds. The only thing that kept me going was that I knew that if I didn't go ahead, once the fog of the HG had gone I would have regretted it. (That's how I knew I'd feel, I'm not saying that's how you'd feel though.)

The result of that pregnancy is now 9 and sat opposite me. I often tell her she was the best decision I ever made. She rolls her eyes at me...

You will get through it, even if there are times where you think you won't. And when it's done, you never have to do it again. Do whatever you need to to get through. Seek support, accept any offer of help, rage at the world, rant on here - PM me if you like.

I hope this helps. If it doesn't feel free to ignore me. Or throw a cushion at the screen

Take care

@Luckyme30 I posted before I saw your update. Take care of yourself, whatever you decide

@8stone13 no that’s really does help so thank you. I just keep thinking a third is a luxury and why would I put myself through this. I know I would deep down regret it but also I’m not sure I’m mentally strong enough. As I’m only 4 weeks there still a chance I could miscarry, if that happens I am never doing this ever again. This is a now or never situation.

@Luckyme30 I’m so sorry you feel like this is your only option. Please be kind to yourself. I said if i did do a termination I would write a letter to myself. In years to come when I feel like beating myself up I will remember the desperation, the reasons why we didn’t proceed. Maybe that’s something that might help you? Sending you the biggest virtual hug x

@Waddlegoose Yes I get that. If things go ahead, you'll go ahead, but if they don't then you won't seek to make them happen again.

I hope things improve. I know it feels interminable but it literally cannot last forever.

Look after yourself