Family member annoyed I won’t announce pregnancy.

[Pugzpugzpugz]

Hi
Thanks for taking the time to read and hopefully respond!! This is my first post… please be kind

I really need advice if I’m being unreasonable or within my rights to be annoyed myself over this!

I’m currently 6wks pregnant with my first child.
I’m so anxious and worried that things are going to go wrong that I cannot enjoy the feeling myself. I’m so scared to get excited over something which could be snatched away at any moment. The baby is very much wanted. I’m just praying all goes well and pregnancy progresses as it should
So… partner has told a family member.. against my wishes that I am expecting. He spilt the beans when I was approx 4wks. 1 day after we found out ourselves!
His justification is that said family member has cancer and is poorly and just wanted to cheer the person up!
Said family member is now quote ‘annoyed’ that im not telling other family members my news.
That I’m totally wrong for wanting to keep this a secret. Which yes I do… until I’ve had scans and know everything is ok.
Tried to explain statistics and how many pregnancy’s end in miscarriage.. and this is dismissed as I’m making it up. My fears and worries are invalid.
Said family member has since told my partner basically sod me… sod the baby I don’t want to know anything about it!! Throwing toys out the pram IMO!!
Am I unreasonable for being pissed off here??
Surely I have valid reasons for wanting to keep this private for a short while?
Am I obliged to tell all and sundry to keep others happy?
Partner understands why I requested this and hasn’t told anyone else… and is now regretting opening his mouth!
Please please tell me I’m not the one in the wrong here??
How can I let people in on this when I’m absolutely petrified something will go wrong!!
Oh and being compared to other family members who ‘shouted it from the rooftops when they found out’ is also grinding on my last nerve!!

Partner wants me to call said person to say you’re going on stupid… I’m refusing… I won’t bow down to stroppy huffy people.. espesh when they are in their 70s and old enough to bloody know better!!
Thanks for reading!! 🙏 Advice/thoughts greatly appreciated

YANBU. Your partner is daft for telling anyone.

YANBU. It is yours and your partners baby and your news to share when you both feel ready to do so. If you decide to tell people now or in 20 weeks time that is no one else’s business but yours. Congratulations by the way!!

I think it’s daft not to announce. Telling people won’t cause the worst to happen & in my opinion, the more people who know, the more can help & support you if the worst does sadly happen.
HOWEVER it’s entirely your choice when to tell people & you shouldn’t be pressured into doing so.
Good luck.

The other person knows.
They can tell anyone they want you cant stop that.
Most people have enough cop-on to know and say nothing until you make an official announcement.

Your husband needs to be an adult and stop pulling you into the drama.
He made the choice to tel the relative he needs to deal with the fall out.
Tell your partner he needs to resolve the issue and you dont need to hear all the details

@FelicityPike

I think it’s daft not to announce. Telling people won’t cause the worst to happen & in my opinion, the more people who know, the more can help & support you if the worst does sadly happen. HOWEVER it’s entirely your choice when to tell people & you shouldn’t be pressured into doing so. Good luck.

It isn't "daft" at all, it's personal choice and a perfectly valid one at that.

@Pugzpugzpugz Completely personal choice OP! I had family members huffing at me because I wouldn’t “announce” too. And then again because I wouldn’t post an announcement on social media 🙄 It’s yours and your partners baby, do whatever feels right for you 😊

Oh, and congratulations ❤️ I remember how nervous I felt at your stage too. Fingers crossed for a healthy pregnancy for you 🤞🏼

Tough shit if they are annoyed, it’s not their baby or decision. Your partner needs to up his boundaries, instinct tells me this will be the tip of the iceberg with this relation. Ok they have cancer but this doesn’t give them more sway than the child’s actual parents. Before you know it they will be voicing strong opinions about names, routines, feeding etc

@Mumofone4 Thank you so much for your reply! 😁

@SolasAnla Yes I know this is now beyond my control… I can’t help If people blab! 😔. Very

good idea asking partner to deal with and not involve me… just it’s my relative that’s being impossible 😩

@KPB45 OMG this happened to you too?? How did you deal with it if you don’t mind me asking?
I would have thought a 70+ yr old female would have had more about them than go on like this!

I’m worried enough without extra hassle when thee doesn’t need to be!

@NorthSouthcatlady Yes my understanding too… my baby… not yours. How dare you be annoyed at choices that aren’t affecting you!!
Ohhh being told what to do wouldn’t go down well… every new parent has learning to do… naturally…

[quote Pugzpugzpugz]@Mumofone4 Thank you so much for your reply! 😁

@SolasAnla Yes I know this is now beyond my control… I can’t help If people blab! 😔. Very

good idea asking partner to deal with and not involve me… just it’s my relative that’s being impossible 😩

@KPB45 OMG this happened to you too?? How did you deal with it if you don’t mind me asking?
I would have thought a 70+ yr old female would have had more about them than go on like this!

I’m worried enough without extra hassle when thee doesn’t need to be!

@NorthSouthcatlady Yes my understanding too… my baby… not yours. How dare you be annoyed at choices that aren’t affecting you!!
Ohhh being told what to do wouldn’t go down well… every new parent has learning to do… naturally…[/quote]
@Pugzpugzpugz Yes unfortunately. I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks before the first lockdown. Then lockdown hit and they were recommending isolating if pregnant so we told a couple of family members as my DH was having to go abroad to work as an essential worker and I was going to be isolating alone so thought it better that a couple of people know incase there were any issues. Unfortunately with one of them in DHs family, we told them our news and didn’t even get a “congratulations” - she immediately asked if she could post it on Facebook 🙄 then went in a huff when I said I’d prefer that nobody else know just now. I just told her straight - it’s our child, we’ll tell who we want when we feel it’s appropriate to tell them and not before. The following week I was contacted by a member of my own family to congratulate me on my pregnancy. Turns out that DHs family member that we had asked to keep the news quiet had gone and announced it via text to all her friends, one of whom also happens to be an extended family member of mine so it made its way back through the family. I was pissed!
I certainly won’t make the mistake of telling her early if we’re lucky enough to have a second child!

@KPB45 That is such bad form on that person who you trusted to keep the news! Although there has been no blabbing of my news as yet… I can totally relate!
I’ve found this post has helped me realise that I’m not overreacting… and I’m not the only one who has experienced such issues!
Thank you 🙏