Early abortion - terrified and ashamed. Hand hold?

[Severepain789]

Hi. I hope I’m posting to the right place.

I have 3 children already with my husband. The first two were conceived via IVF and our third was natural. My third has only just turned 1.

We aren’t in a great situation financially and I’m really struggling at the moment due to my health. I’m having major health issues and am currently investigating numerous ailments that are beyond tolerable. I’m at a point in my life where I can barely even care for the three babies I’ve got and my husband, in laws and parents do most of the work.

Last week I took a pregnancy test after not having my period in over a month and it was positive. I did a clear blue with weeks indication and it said pregnant 2-3. I’d assume it would now say 3+

I have no idea how far along I am because I’ve never really had periods and I am also on the mini pill!!!

It just isnt An option for me to keep this pregnancy as devastated as I am. I have contacted my local hospital who are seeing me for a scan on Tuesday but I don’t know what will happen after. I preferably would like to try a medicated abortion as I have a major phobia of being put to sleep for surgery.

What can I expect if I go down this route? I’m terrified of the pain. Quite silly really when I’ve been through IVF with awake egg collection which was very painful and then I gave birth to my last DS unmedicated.

Thank you in advance for sharing your experiences

I can't advice about the actual procedure, but I know others will be along who can. I can offer a hand-hold though

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're making a difficult decision for the benefit of your family and the children you already have. In that sense it's a very loving and unselfish thing that you are doing. Please don't judge yourself harshly - think of what you would say to a dear friend in your position. You don't deserve any less.

bump

It is not very painful at such an early stage, a bit like a bad period but nothing you cannot cope with.

Please don't feel guilty, you have good reasons for wanting an abortion. Don't delay and it will soon be all over. However please ensure as far as possible that you do not become pregnant again - I'm sure you will.

I also have 3 kids and reeeeeally couldn't do with another..... already keeping PPD at bay 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yet I can understand that the decision is most definitely not an easy one to make 😕

Don't know if this helps but in my religion abortion is kind of allowed until the 4th month. That's when it starts showing brain activity. So maybe you can give yourself a couple of weeks to decide....

Best of luck!

I had a medical abortion due to a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks (baby died at 6.5 weeks) and felt no real pain, though did take paracetamol and diclofenac before just in case.

Some places do surgical abortions under twilight sedation, where you're not fully asleep or awake. If that sounds like an option for you you could discuss it with the hospital.

Best of luck, you have nothing to be ashamed of

Lots of love and support to you OP. This sounds heartbreaking for you. Fwiw I have 3 children and feel the same. Not pregnant but have imagined what I would do and feel this would be my only option and would feel upset about it. Life can be hard and horrible. I hope my comments aren't insensitive.

I had a termination 13 years ago. It was surgical and not what you're after I know, but just so you know, I wasn't fully put to sleep. Everything was just very hazy. I would suggest talking to them about your options. From what I remember though it was a case of if you're earlier than x number of weeks it's medical and if after that point it's surgical. Could have changed or may not be that cut and dry. They'll scan you first to find out how far along you are. They're lovely people and will take care of you.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t offer any advice but wanted to offer a hand hold xxx

I agree that you are making a brave decision for the sake of your family and your mental health. You have nothing to be ashamed of OP.

I fell pregnant when I was at university.
I don't know how far along I was but I wasn't very far along.

I opted for a termination as I was in no position to raise a child.

I too had a scan to see how far along I was and the lady told me to look away so I didn't have to see the "baby"

As I was early on I didn't have a surgical termination.

If memory serves me correctly I went to a clinic and was given an oral tablet and was told to come back the next day. Once you've taken the oral tablet there's no going back/changing your mind.
The follow day I returned to the clinic and they inserted pessaries (sp?) into my vagina, I had the choice of doing it myself or getting them to do it.
I think I was given the option to stay overnight or go home. I chose to go home.
They told me that it would take a couple of hours for the pessaries to kick in.
After that you have bleeding with (what I felt was) very severe period like pains. I'd use sanitary pads over tampons as there is a fair bit of blood.
As the clinic was in London, me and my partner used public transport to travel in (and back out) if the capital. By the time we had reached our station in our home town I was unable to walk. Luckily he didn't live too far away from the station and ran to get the car to take me home. With this in mind I would say do not drive or take public transport. If possible get your partner or a friend or whoever to drive you there and back.
Plenty of painkillers and a hot water bottle.
Sending hugs OP. It's not a pleasant experience and not one I'd wish on anybody. One of the worse parts was having men "campaigning" outside the clinic and approaching women entering to try and prevent them going through with the termination 😡😡😡 No uterus no opinion!

Sorry to hear your in this situation

I found myself in a similar situation around 3 weeks ago and found myself unexpectedly 4 weeks pregnant. I contacted MSI and booked in an initial appointment over the phone. I had a 15 day wait for this.

During the first appointment, I was asked my medical history, reasons for the termination and then offered an in person appointment for 3 days later.

When I went to the second appointment I was nervous but everyone at the clinic was extremely reassuring, kind and understanding. I had to have a scan, the nurse/midwife couldn't find anything at first so did a transvaginal ultrasound. After this, they explained the process, the risks, discussed contraception (information regarding access to their service, no pushiness) and then she handed out the medication in an unmarked bag. There was the option to take the first pill at the clinic, i believe either due to medical reasons or morning sickness.

I took the tablets home and prepared to take them when I had a spare two days. I took the first, I had a few small cramps but that was it. Then 24 hours later I took the 4 pills, there is a choice between letting them dissolve on the gums or vaginally. I opted for the latter as I was advised there may be less side effects. I placed them in, and sat for about an hour to ensure they stayed put. 10 minutes before this, I took cocodamol, then some ibuprofen some time after that. After the initial hour I did get strong cramps, but no bleeding.
3 hours later I had little bleeding and so took the final 2 tablets on my gums- let them dissolve for 30 minutes and then swallow the rest.
I will admit, this really ramped things up for me. I was sick twice, and the cramps intensified and I am used to painful periods, but then I haven't had children so this may factor in to the pain I felt. I did begin to pass the pregnancy at this point. However, once this had passed (over an hour or so) the pain decreased dramatically and could relax with a hot water bottle. I am on day two now, have no cramps and it just feels like a heavy period now. I feel more like myself already, and even though I had some sad moments in the wait for the termination, I do feel a sense of relief now.

A few tips I would give:
Have maternity pads- they have been brilliant at stopping any leaks.

If you can, try to go to the toilet when you feel the blood 'pool' so you are more likely to pass things in the toilet and you do not have to see anything you don't want to. This also helps with leaks too.

Have someone nearby that can support if need be- I found it reassuring knowing I had someone to call if I needed anything.

Ask for pain medication- I was advised paracetamol and ibuprofen would suffice and I really wish I had asked for something stronger. I think this would have made everything a little easier. I know some providers are brilliant at this already, and may even provide anti-sickness tablets too.

Definitely a hot water bottle! Aside from helping the cramps, the warmth was comforting, almost like a hug.

It isn't an easy situation to be in, nor is it pleasant but when you know it's right for you, that helps massively.
I wish you all the luck and hugs OP.