Don’t know to keep or not

[Meeko93]

I’m just gone 15 weeks and I honestly don’t think I want it at all. Was a planned pregnancy but now it actually happened I’m crying everyday and would rather kill my self then have it. But at very small times I feel like I want it and I’m just scared of huge life change. In good strong relationship and my husband was excited about it, he’s said it’s up to me what I do so that’s more stress. I honestly don’t know if I can give up my life I got now as I love going on hiking holidays with my dogs and doing what I want without a crying baby. I just don’t know if I’m cut out to be a parent as having been around my friends kids they just so rude brats with no manners at all. Plus we don’t have lots of money we just get by as we are now. I just want to kill myself as I’m so down about this as will I regret getting rid of it as I’ve had such horrible morning sickness and still got it so I know that I will never ever try for one again. So do I stick to my happy life with my dogs and horse or bring in a crying baby that I don’t know if I want it. I’m not even 2% excited about having it. Sorry to go on but I need to get it off my chest. I’ve talked to my husband, mum and sister about it but I just don’t know what to bloody do.

I think if you are at the stage of contemplating suicide you really need to speak to a mental health professional, or a midwife as a minimum. I am very sorry you feel like this. A baby is life changing and it’s arguably better to regret an abortion that regretting and resenting a life (especially if you are having suicidal thoughts). I wish you al the best and please speak to a professional.

I'm sorry you feel so bad.

You must talk to a midwife or your GP.

Personally if you love your horse and your dog then I'm sure you'll love your baby, too. And they learn to talk 👌

I think you need support to stick this out and get through it.

15 weeks is also getting v late for an abortion. I don't want to influence you but I think you should be aware of the size, sensitivity and stage of development before you decide anything. 15 weeks is not small. And around 16 weeks you'll feel the baby moving inside you - they're little hands like butterflies probably first of all.

You really must speak to a professional about how you're feeling. I'm sure they'll help. X

Please seek help from your gp or midwife as soon as possible.

Hi, @Meeko93, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, and agree with other posters you should make an emergency GP appointment as soon as possible to discuss help and support.

Obviously I'm not a GP, but based on what you've written, I would be thoroughly exploring whether you had Antenatal depression before going down the irreversible route of a late term abortion.

Antenatal depression is not often discussed, and is a taboo subject, ( there is a societal expectation to be "happy," during pregnancy), but it is actually much more common than people realise. A fear of life changing, combined with hormones your body has never been exposed to before, and pregnancy symptoms such as sickness/ nausea / exhaustion can lead to panic and "what have I done?" feelings. I fear that as this was a planned pregnancy, you may regret a termination very much once the pregnancy ended and the antenatal depression lifted as the hormones subsided and the reality of the abortion sunk in.

Are you taking antidepressant medication now ? GP's can and do prescribe antidepressants that are safe to take in pregnancy on a regular basis.

PANDA's are a UK based charity that have a helpline running until 11.00pm, and are designed to support people experiencing prenatal and postnatal depression.

I'd suggest you contact them tonight, and make an emergency GP appointment in the morning:

pandasfoundation.org.uk/what-is-pnd/pre-natal-depression/

Take care,

How are things now @Meeko93 ?