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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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Original poster

Unsure about abortion

19 replies

tiredmummy98 · 30/01/2022 00:03

Hi, I understand the subject on abortion is sensitive, and I really don't want any harsh comments.

I'm 18 weeks pregnant and I've booked an abortion for next week, I'm undecided wherever to have it or not.
I did decide to have the baby with the support of the father till he started being physically abusive towards me (I left when he beat me a few weeks ago)

When I left him (as hard as it was) I decided I was going to terminate. Due to financially struggling and the fact SS will be involved due to the fathers violence and especially being tied to that man for the next 20 years.

But now I can feel my baby kicking me it's making my decision so much harder.
I feel so alone, my mother is pressuring me big time to have an abortion and I just really don't feel like I have anyone to talk to😒

Surely there are some counselling services for this sort of thing before making a complete decision on what to do?
Thanks x

OP posts:

bluejelly · 30/01/2022 00:08

Sorry to hear about your predicament. Well done for getting away from your ex.
Marie Stopes and BPAS offer counselling. Would definitely recommend.

fineappleglasgow · 30/01/2022 00:13

This sounds so hard. I'm so glad you got away from your ex.

I would seek pregnancy specific counselling and also from a practical point of view, speak to Women's Aid and Citizens Advice about your options for protecting yourself and maximising any benefits you are entitled to.

If you're not sure, you have until 24 weeks so can always cancel next week and take time to gather your thoughts /information.

Nikki360 · 30/01/2022 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

kylie122 · 30/01/2022 00:17

I feel like if your having doubt you shouldn't go ahead with it xx

Nikki360 · 30/01/2022 00:19

@kylie122

I feel like if your having doubt you shouldn't go ahead with it xx

Yes I agree x

Kinko · 30/01/2022 01:41

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice on who to speak to, I see people have recommended some organisations but it might also be worth calling the clinic because I'm sure they will be able to link you up to counsellors ASAP especially if you explain the circumstances xx

Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2022 01:50

I would not bring a child into this world knowing they have a dangerous, abusive father. It's a prison sentence for you and the child.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 30/01/2022 02:21

The default on here is to have the baby - no matter what.

I would have a termination. No hesitation.

SelkieQualia · 30/01/2022 02:46

Definitely recommend Marie Stopes counselling.

AlwaysLatte · 30/01/2022 02:56

You sound so much like you want the baby but not the circumstances. Those can change. I had an abortion at 20 due to coercion from my partner at the time and I'll regret it forever. But it's about you and no one else. Do what your heart tells you. ❤️

bluejelly · 30/01/2022 08:58

Just FYI, Life (recommended above) is anti-abortion. Marie Stopes and BPAS are neutral.

Kinko · 30/01/2022 11:37

There's another alternative - adoption.

Adoption is entirely different these days - I hear stories where birth mothers have regular contact with their children, or not depending on what they want. They are able to exchange letters etc.

Please please don't think I'm suggesting this is something you should do, the choice is entirely yours. I'm just putting it out there as another option that could be worth exploring.

pbdr · 30/01/2022 12:01

You've referred to it as "my baby" and described feeling pressured into the abortion. I am completely pro-choice and the decision is 100% yours, but you do not sound sure at all that proceeding with the abortion is what you want. An abortion at 19 weeks is not an easy thing to go through, the foetus is quite large and well formed and if you are not certain in your decision to abort it could be very difficult to deal with.
I think it would really be worth getting some counselling before you make any final decisions.

Original poster

tiredmummy98 · 30/01/2022 15:56

@kylie122

I feel like if your having doubt you shouldn't go ahead with it xx

I want this baby so much. But I'm just gutted about the situation with its father.

My mother thinks I should have an abortion and she said if I keep it I'm not going to have any support from her as she isn't going to have the time.
But I just don't think I can go through the termination so late in the pregnancy either. It's going to be hard for me no matter what I do x

OP posts:

curiousmum3 · 30/01/2022 16:07

You have a lot of rights yourself you know.
I regret mine deeply - when I was a teen.
I have kids now and they're above everything, any problems in life they only make it better, they make me cry with happiness, we belly laugh, they're my best friends. The most amazing little annoying things to ever happen to me
... don't let him put you off, but stay away from him, do not be with someone who hit you, don't bring your child up in that. If you want this baby, be happy and think of the positives, you can do this! Xxxx

Kinko · 30/01/2022 17:10

You've stated 'you want this baby so much' and you don't think you can go through a termination.

I think there's your answer. It's fair enough for your mother to state what support she can give you but not to push you into an abortion.

Definitely make sure you can get someone impartial to talk to.xx

StellaGibs · 03/02/2022 23:39

It's no wonder you've been in an abusive relationship when your own mother is abusive towards you. I feel really terrible for you, it's an awful predicament you're in.

You say you want your baby so much, which to me indicates that if you had a termination that you'd regret it. This decision needs to be made by you, not by pressures from others. It is you who will be mum.

The real clincher is the abusive ex being the father and that is really what you need to think deeply about. Is there a chance you can move away etc? If you're not going to have your mums support then no need to stay close I guess. Do you have any evidence that he hit you and can report him to the police?

Lornahere · 25/02/2022 15:31

Hi @tiredmummy98
So sorry you are going through this. Also hormona make everything harder. Did you think about reporting him? If he is abusing you and hit you, this is not right. Not sure in UK, but in other countries there is help for women in this situations.
All the best for you either way, your decision will be the right one for you 💐

Fuzzyhippo · 22/03/2022 02:26

I was pressured into a 17 week medical abortion by my family 2 years ago and it's severely turned my life upside down for the worst. Definitely not something you want to be going through of you're not 100% about it. I now have PTSD as well as other problems which mean I can't lead a normal life. Don't want to scaremonger, just my experience. But keeping him would've been hard too so I don't know what would've been harder for me.

You won't have to be involved with the father if he's abusive, my mum never put mine on the birth certificate and he was never involved. Honestly if I could turn back time I would've continued the pregnancy and made it work, I would've done it alone as my partner would've left. But we've been together for nearly 7 years and if it happened again he would still leave

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