Abortion Grief or regret?

[Kindheart]

Recently my partner and I decided on a termination of our pregnancy. I find myself wondering whether I’m grieving the termination which is daft as it was so early there was nothing to begin with. Or whether it regret, was the decision rash? I know we both committed but ultimately it was down to me to make and now I don’t know whether it was the right decision to do? Will he ever want m more kids? This would have been our first, but I can’t help but wonder the grief I’m feeling is seeing how sad he is now it’s done.

I’m not saying the decision wasn’t thought out and I’m aware of the reasons behind it, but I can’t help but feel a sense of doubt over whether it was the right thing to do. I know I want kids one day. Just not now. I want a whole bunch one day. It would be great. Just now wasn’t our time, so why does it feel so bad?

It’s perfectly natural to grieve. Doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision, you seem pretty clear the timing wasn’t right. If you think you need to talk to someone to work it through contact your GP or women’s’ health charities.

Don’t discount the hormone dip, either.

Only you can, eventually, say whether you’re regretful or grieving, wistful or hormonal. If you thought about it carefully, which I’m sure you did, I would hang on to that and trust your own judgement.l while the storm passes.Feelings are complicated.

I haven't gone through mine yet. Calling tomorrow to start, and I was crying looking at my positive test.

I know I'm going to cry when I go through with it but it's the right decision for us. However this is my 4th pregnancy. I've had 2 children and 1 miscarriage and I just can't go through it all again.

On another note, there is post-termination help available. For example see Rachel's Vineyard:

www.rachelsvineyard.org.uk/

How you are feeling is normal, hormones play a big part in it, the same as when someone has a baby and feels low afterwards.

You had your reasons to terminate the pregnancy and the reasons are still valid.

As for having children in the future, that is something you need to discuss with your husband but it obviously isn't the right time now.

The sadness will pass, I promise.

Grief, regret and relief, and guilt about the relief. It wasn't something I did lightly, I wouldn't of coped and it would have impacted my ability to parent my other children alone. So even though I still get the odd moment of what would have been 21 years later, I have forgiven and come to peace with myself about it.

@Kindheart

I’m not saying the decision wasn’t thought out and I’m aware of the reasons behind it, but I can’t help but feel a sense of doubt over whether it was the right thing to do. I know I want kids one day. Just not now. I want a whole bunch one day. It would be great. Just now wasn’t our time, so why does it feel so bad?

Sadly I know the feeling exactly. And if I told you why it feels so bad, the pro-abortion lobby here would pounce on me.

Deep breath. Ok. I'll say it.

It feels so bad because you have been led to believe you were doing nothing. To something so small it didn't matter. But actually you allowed your first child to be terminated. When every instinct in your body was to protect that tiny flame of life.

That's why it feels bad. Of course it feels bad. I'm so sorry. Its the most awful feeling. And I just don't get why glossing over or violently denying this actual reality is seen as acceptable and/or helpful to anyone.

Abortion as a choice is fine. Of course. But it should be done with eyes completely open. Fudging of the issue to 'get you through it' is just almost unbelievable. That deliberate, institutionalised hiding of the reality was as terrifying to me as the reality itself, once I was left on my own forever to try to deal with it.

I'm so very sorry, OP 💐

Have to disagree with some pp. OP is grieving what could have been, what she's imagining a baby could have become if she'd continued the pregnancy. That's normal but that doesn't mean it was the wrong choice. Only she can know whether or not it was the right thing for her to do.

OP, what you're feeling is normal. Give yourself time and space. Remind yourself why you made this choice and how this will allow you to be a better parent to your future children, when the time is right.

I'm sorry for the pain other posters are clearly feeling but there is a bit of projection there too, which is not helpful for the OP at this stage. Some pp seem to suggest that because abortion may not have been right for them, it's never a valid choice, and it's so wrong to suggest that.

I needed to hear this too Marty. Thank you for being honest within the post. It’s a hard decision to make. One I may always regret myself. But I can’t let it rule my life now. I’m currently with the same partner it happened with and he’s never been the same since. Although he supported me, and didn’t want it enough to say ‘stop’- he’s been thinking of the what if’s and jealousy of friends having babies at the moment.

I know mine was the right decision, I was very young but I still grieve from time to time now, decades later. It's not necessarily about regret, it's grieving for a life lost.