Abortion regret

[Sadmum77]

Hi, I’m feeling so lost right now. I have 3 children already, two are adults and I have a Grandaughter. I have been in an awful toxic relationship for six years. I have tried to leave it many times but he doesn’t let go. I had finally decided enough was enough and then found out I was pregnant. The father of the baby wants me to have it. But I felt that was more to still have control over me than the want of the baby. He is not a horrible person but we just do not work together. Anyway my children were mortified and didn’t want me to have it. Although they said it was my decision. Also I’m 44 with a grandchild and not financially stable at all. I have been working two jobs for a long time just to pay bills. I currently got another job which enabled me to give up the second job but still just scrape by. I decided it was best to have an abortion. I have taken my first tablet about two hours ago and now I feel overwhelming guilt and regret and feel like I’m just evil. I feel stupid for letting this happen in the first place and my heart was very much with the pregnancy, but my head was with everyone else that told me to not continue. I know it’s too late but I just can’t stop crying. I feel so awful. What have I done. I’m a mess. I’m sorry for this post. Just feel so alone and heartbroken. 💔

It may not be too late!

If you do nothing and don’t take the second pill, the chances your baby will survive are approximately 10%. Some abortion facilities and pill providers will tell you you’re certain to have birth defects, but in reality the chance is no higher than the rate of birth defects in otherwise normal pregnancies. See below for some links on that.

Also there is a treatment involving progesterone injections that might help improve your chances of the first pill not ending your pregnancy. Not available in the UK but if you’re somewhere else you might want to look into it:

americanpregnancy.org/unplanned-pregnancy/abortion-pill-reversal/

If you’re in the UK, you can inquire about progesterone in tablet form, which research has also shown to be possibly effective. If you can get this treatment in either form, the sooner the better; it’s more likely to be effective.

These threads over on netmums are first-hand stories of happy endings after not completing the medial termination process:

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/pregnancy-terminations-1161/unplanned-pregnancy-46/977600-struggling-failed-medical-abortion-such-hard-decision-first-place.html

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/pregnancy-terminations-1161/unplanned-pregnancy-46/1758695-failed-abortion-anyone-continued-experiences-please.htm

Especially page 8 where someone posted a photo of a handout from NHS showing the rate of birth defects is low:

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/pregnancy-terminations-1161/unplanned-pregnancy-46/1758695-failed-abortion-anyone-continued-experiences-please-8.html

If you do get your miracle, I hope you can rise above all the negativity and enjoy your baby. They say things happen for a reason and I suspect this child will bring you lots of happiness if she or he does make it. Got everything crossed for you.

Also, if things do turn out well, there’s lots of help out there as far as the financial and other practical aspects. Here’s a few links:

www.turn2us.org.uk/Your-Situation/Expecting-a-child

www.entitledto.co.uk

jobcentreplus.info/

www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/contact-us/helpline/

Best of luck to you and your baby! xx

@Fromagerie Thank you so much. I have a counselling session tomorrow, which I definitely need.
I pray everything ends up ok and I havnt done any damage. Xx

Aww I’m so sorry you’re going through this , I felt the same but I continued to do second pills.
There are people who actually take both sets , it doesn’t work & they go on to have completely healthy babies with zero defects . The only thing it does is higher the risk of misscarrige . The tablet itself does not alter the DNA or makeup of the baby .
I really hope you can find some help , I wonder if a dr would be able to prescribe you progesterone in tablet form to counteract the mifepristone .
I’m really thinking if you , it’s such an awful position to be in , be kind to yourself .
Out of curiosity how far along are you ? I think the later in weeks you are the better the outcome of the tablet not working x

@Rose925 Thank you for your response. I am only 6 weeks +1 I thought emotionally I would be ok as I am still quite early. Unfortunately as soon as I took the tablet , I knew I had done it for others and not myself as I had already felt attached and just became a wreck. I just keep thinking now what is meant to be will be. But I will always follow my heart in the future. Xx

Don't take the next pill.

This HAS to be for yourself. Because you will have to live with whatever happens. Just you.

Don't take it. See what happens.

I’m in this position now. Failed contraception. 9+1, had some doubts but took the first pill as I feel I’m high risk… I’m 47 and the Dad is 54. I’m single though as we’ve no plans to couple up or marry. Plus my two older children are 16 and 17 - one doing A levels this year and one doing GCSEs… and I look after my elderly father.

It’s a horrible situation… but I can’t help but think I’ve done the wrong thing.

How are things with you?

Apparently there are options for reversal - I know little about this but found this on a UK website:

www.spuc.org.uk/Article/384389/Abortion-pill-reversal-helpline-surged-with-emergency-calls-amidst-Coronavirus-lockdown

Sorry it's been a while; I have been meaning to check back and see how you're getting on. How did everything turn out?

@Sadmum77
Sorry it's been a while; I have been meaning to check back and see how you're getting on. How did everything turn out?

@Fromagerie ahhh , thank you for checking in. After taking the first pill on the Monday. I spoke to the early pregnancy until and they said to just not take the rest of the pills and take it easy and there was still a chance. Unfortunately I started bleeding on the Wednesday and lost the baby on Thursday. Obviously I was devastated, but no one to blame but myself. I will always regret my decision but day by day I’m getting a bit better. But thank you. Xx @Meadowflowersweet How are you? It’s a horrible predicament to be in so my thoughts are with you. I will always let my heart rule my head from now on though. Xx

@Sadmum77 Ahhh, thank you, I’m ok thank you. I’m yearning for a baby now (hormones!). I’m making plans in my head how I can manage it all… I think this baby may have been a sign for me that I should try properly… so my partner and I are discussing a planned baby… and I’m going to take my supplements and do everything right… if I get pregnant again I’m giving it 100%. It will be a wanted baby and the gift of my previous “surprise” may have been a message to me, to us, to really try - that we’re meant to have a baby. It just took me a while to come to terms with it all. If it’s meant to be then it will work out for us… and if not, then it’s been a lesson learned, and I won’t forget the short time I had with my little baby and the how baby left me feeling, that he or she came into my life briefly for a reason. I just didn’t have the courage to see if I could carry a healthy baby to term at my age. Now… I’ve prepared myself to give it a go… let’s see in a few months how I feel, after my hormones have settled… but like I say… I just wonder if this was all for a reason… and fate has something in store for me (& my partner!)

Hope you’re ok and also @Fromagerie

xx

@Sadmum77 @Meadowflowersweet ... Oh no, I'm so very sorry to hear you both lost your babies. Look to the future and keep hope alive! You have learnt from what happened and you will heal with time. Take good care. xx

At 44 with three children already, I think you made the right decision to terminate. The guilty feeling will pass. Chew it over with your counsellor tomorrow.