Going through with an abortion you really don't want

[Ellisro]

I'm really struggling. I spent the first few weeks excited, thinking of baby names, imagining my toddler as a big brother. I'm only 9 weeks so I appreciate it sounds silly but I'm already attached. I keep going into the empty bedroom that would of been the nursery and just crying!

I know logically why I can't continue with the pregnancy. I know this is the right thing to do. For the baby, my toddler, for me in the long run. But how do you force yourself to do the right thing when it breaks your heart?

I'm really struggling with this and can barely sleep or eat.

Can you say why you can’t continue the pregnancy?

Have you got anyone in real life you can talk to?

It sounds like you're not peace with your decision. You need more time
Have you got real life support from someone who will let you talk and remain neutral?

Do you have a partner?
Why logically can't you?
Terminating when you feel as you do is a really bad idea for you and could impact toddler if you are v affected which you could very well be.

Tell us your situation maybe new ideas will come.

I have a partner, he's great with our toddler and very hands on but a very honest conversation with my mum about my consistent low moods helped me admit that I'm not in love with him the way I should be. I feel very lonely in the relationship and have become quite depressed, medication didn't help so I think it's situational. I'm worried enough about modelling a loveless relationship to my toddler, and the trauma he will go through when I find the courage to leave. I don't want to put two babies through that I'm not even sure my mental health would withstand a newborn. Not that the abortion is feeling much easier

OP - so sorry you are going through this - I really think you need to talk this through with a qualified counsellor, with whom you can get into the details of your situation. I’m not sure MN is going to be helpful.

Can you speak to your GP or Marie Stopes / Family Planning clinic first thing tomorrow to arrange this?

@Luredbyapomegranate

OP - so sorry you are going through this - I really think you need to talk this through with a qualified counsellor, with whom you can get into the details of your situation. I’m not sure MN is going to be helpful.

Can you speak to your GP or Marie Stopes / Family Planning clinic first thing tomorrow to arrange this?

This is great advice. Talk it through with someone who can really understand and can help you make the right decision, for you.

I wish you peace and happiness, OP x

@Luredbyapomegranate

OP - so sorry you are going through this - I really think you need to talk this through with a qualified counsellor, with whom you can get into the details of your situation. I’m not sure MN is going to be helpful.

Can you speak to your GP or Marie Stopes / Family Planning clinic first thing tomorrow to arrange this?

Perfect advice.

I know you say that your mental health won’t survive a newborn but will it survive a termination?

You need support in place for whatever decision you make.

I really wish you all the best xx

It really doesn't sound silly at all. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

I was in a similar situation and had a termination. I also felt attached to the baby early on but I knew that, at the time, finances, an unsteady relationship and just my overall situation wouldn't allow me to give the best to a new baby. It broke my heart to go through with it and honestly, my heart still breaks now, years later.

The one thing I didn't do at the time which I really wish I had done was speak with a counsellor. If you've not done already I would really really advise doing this. Abortion is a traumatic experience and one which I will never get over. Having a professional to speak to and work through my thoughts, options and emotions would have helped so much. Please consider speaking to someone if you haven't already.

How old is your toddler?

Are you being treated for depression?

I ask as I had peri natal depression started early in pregnancy and contained for years after had baby. Never had depression before, docs etc agreed hormones, total change lifestyle, lack of sleep were reasons.

No feelings is part and parcel of depression. Feeling numb. Not a good time to judge how you feel about anything.

I don't know you or family of course so no idea of what's going on with you, but if low mood and lack of feeling much or anything emotionally are depressive symptoms.

Two questions above therefore I think important.