Termination??? 😔

[Northerngal02]

Hello,

Long story short. I have been seeing someone for a while. This week he sent me a message saying he didn't want to get into anything serious, prior to this I'd found out I was pregnant last weekend. When replying to his message I told him this, I got quite a nasty reply stating that he has never wanted kids nor does he now and so on. And blamed me for it. This was a mistake, and I didn't want it to happen either. I was quite shocked.
I do not want to go through with the pregnancy, it's very early on according to clearblue tests. Have also had it confirmed with a urine sample dropped off at GP.

The timing is so wrong, I'm not financially stable enough to do it on my own, I have zero support from him. He isn't mature enough even at his age (he's 31) I'm only 25.

Has anyone gone through with it before? Of the circumstances were different I wouldn't consider it, and I don't feel its fair to bring this child into the world. Especially with the father, I don't think I would feel safe.

I feel so guilty as I know there's women who struggle to get pregnant or miscarry, and would be desperate to be in my position.

Am I going to feel guilt after this?

I feel it will be a big relief to be honest, but I'm worried I'm not going to forgive myself for doing it.

@Northerngal02

Hello,

Long story short. I have been seeing someone for a while. This week he sent me a message saying he didn't want to get into anything serious, prior to this I'd found out I was pregnant last weekend. When replying to his message I told him this, I got quite a nasty reply stating that he has never wanted kids nor does he now and so on. And blamed me for it. This was a mistake, and I didn't want it to happen either. I was quite shocked.
I do not want to go through with the pregnancy, it's very early on according to clearblue tests. Have also had it confirmed with a urine sample dropped off at GP.

The timing is so wrong, I'm not financially stable enough to do it on my own, I have zero support from him. He isn't mature enough even at his age (he's 31) I'm only 25.

Has anyone gone through with it before? Of the circumstances were different I wouldn't consider it, and I don't feel its fair to bring this child into the world. Especially with the father, I don't think I would feel safe.

I feel so guilty as I know there's women who struggle to get pregnant or miscarry, and would be desperate to be in my position.

Am I going to feel guilt after this?

I feel it will be a big relief to be honest, but I'm worried I'm not going to forgive myself for doing it.

I know its a horrible thing to say but I'm finding myself wishing nature would take its course. And I feel like a horrible person for thinking that.

I had one at 16. It was the right choice for me. I didn't have the means (financial or emotional) to bring up a child.

The earlier you can do it, the easier - I was a little too late for the medication, but a friend had that method and said it was uncomfortable and like a very heavy period.
I had a procedure - I was a bit silly & didn't take the sedation, I'd recommend having that as it was painful, but over quickly.

I don't feel guilty for having a termination or regret it. I was sad at times, and I regret getting pregnant, but I don't regret making the decision because I wasn't able to do it alone or with the father (who was controlling and emotionally abusive).

I'm now in my 30s and having a baby with a supportive partner - it hasn't changed my view. I know I made the right choice for me.

You need to do what's right for you. It's a horrible situation to be in and it sounds like you've weighed things up.

I've been in your position and chose the same.

Just because there are people starving in the world it doesn’t mean you can’t eat a meal❤️

If this is right for you, that exactly what they’re there for. Please just do whatever you want to do.

And stop talking to him, he sounds like a waste of your energy.

I had a termination at about your age. I felt sad afterwards for a day or two, for what might have been. Then got on with my life and I've never ever regretted it or felt guilty. It was simply entirely infeasible for me to have had a baby then. It need not be a decision that comes with trauma and guilt and self loathing etc as so often it's portrayed on the media. It's perfectly ok and normal and psychologically healthy to take that decision without guilt and shame.

Do what is right for you don't worry about anyone else in this

As someone who has struggled with infertility for years, I would never judge someone for making a choice that’s right for them.
It’s not like there is a set amount of pregnancies handed out and you’ve ‘wasted one’. You’re pregnancy (and potential termination) has not taken anything from anyone else.
Please just think about yourself and what you want

This is exactly what our termination services are for OP. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you making the choice that's right for you. If he's no help in making the decision stop talking to him and focus on yourself. Take care and be kind to yourself.

I had one at 19, I’m now 45.

It was absolutely the right thing to do, I have no regrets at all, and I felt pure relief afterwards.

There is nothing to feel guilty about; even if you went thru with this pregnancy, your infertile friend/colleague/neighbour would still be infertile.

Hi all
Thankyou for your kind comments. I had my appointment on Thursday. Scan showed I was seven weeks along at this point. Would've been less but had to wait 10 days in-between seeing gp and appointment.
I took the second lot of tablets yesterday, 4 instead internally at home. And within 2 hours the cramping and bleeding began. The pain was xtreme for about 4 hours until the pregnancy passed. Today its just like a normal period. No pain.
I'll be honest, it was a awful experience. But I don't regret it, I know it was the right thing to do.
I've been given this baby, I'm just giving it back for now and saying I'm not ready for them just yet. x

Take care of yourself OP. Hope you're ok and post again if you need to. We're in that funny, empty time of year - no idea if that makes this easier or harder for you but I'm sure it adds to it in some way. Wishing you well.