Ttc or not?

[Jammiedodger27]

I have two DC and accidentally fell pregnant in the spring, I made a rash decision to have an abortion as I was only 3/4weeks and my DH did not react well to the news.

I sort of regret the abortion but I know the timing wasn’t great.

We are now talking about about a third and I feel so guilty. Like a bad person, why wasn’t the conception in the spring good enough to keep? We could have made it work if we had really wanted too I’m sure.

So now talking about a third child i dont know, I have always wanted three but there’s something holding me back. Like I don’t deserve another. Does this make sense?? I feel so emotional

I'm sorry that you're in this position and still unpacking the emotional stuff that comes with abortion. It's never an easy choice, but it's the right one at the right time.
Is it possible, deep down in that 'honest' place, that 3 might not be the magic number? It's ok to not want another baby. It's ok to have as many as you have and to be content with that. Maybe you want to do other things in life and having another baby does impact those other choices.
Is your DH pushing for a third? And do you feel pressured by this?

Thanks for replying I’m driving myself crazy!

DH is very much happy with 2 or 3. I think him seeing how much it’s affected me has made him realised how much I wanted a third. So he isn’t pushing at all. If he has reacted more positively in the spring I don’t think I would have had the abortion.

I keep overthinking giving my current DC enough attention. Can I really do it all, it would be easier to stick as two but I’m worried I will regret it and overall really regret the abortion. We would need a new car but definitely have a big enough house and can make it work money wise. Obviously I could give our current children even more money wise if we stick at 2 like amazing holidays etc.

I just keep thinking if we ttc and have a miscarriage that I would deserve it, I deserve something bad to happen to me

I'm sorry you feel this way 💐
The emotions and the mental scars that come from having an abortion are so difficult it's never an easy choice to make but ultimately you know in your gut when it's right and when it's wrong. Please don't feel like you deserve something bad to happen to you you really really don't. I know how it feels to have that hanging over you and it's a horrible feeling. Sending you hugs 💐