Hello,
I am currently pregnant with my 3rd child. Me and my partner have spoken about a 3rd child in the future and both decided that when the timing was right we would try for a third. However we were very silly one night in October and I've fallen pregnant. I feel really conflicted about my feelings and I can't seem to understand them, I picture myself meeting my baby and its not like I don't want him and her but I don't feel ready. Abortion feels me with dread and I've been distraught at the idea of taking the first tablet. I had a terrible pregnancy with my 2nd child and I found his whole pregnancy and birthing experience really haunting. I also had post natal depression with my second and his new-born days really upset me when I think about it. So when I think about this new baby that's all that comes to mind for me. I do not like pregnancy and I would say they have not been the most happiest times of my life but when I've met my babies nothing in the world has ever mattered more to me.
I think its safe to say I'm incredibly scared to have this baby but also incredibly scared of deciding to end its life because all i think is over what exactly and what a waste of its life. I'm also pro-choice for abortion those feelings are just personal to myself. However the timing is so bad and I just don't feel ready, but I seem angry at myself for not being ready and maybe now reality is set in I never really was ready and may not have been for a 3rd child. Life is also very neat and tidy with 2 and everything just works, but I don't know how I will live with the what if's knowing what they turn into and can be, something i've never regretted.
I must also mention I had HG with my son, so bad. This is probably the 1st most frightening thing in keeping this baby about having it again.
thanks