I feel Pressured Into An Abortion, I'm Frightened.

[AnneB94]

I found I was pregnant October 31st so I'm about 6 weeks now. I want this child but everyone around me is pushing me towards an abortion.

When I told my friend about it as a reason to why I wasn't drinking Halloween night he said "well you're getting rid of the kid anyway, what does it matter?" Then when I said I was keeping it he was like "why? It's just a bunch of cells?" Then the rest of my friends there got on the topic of how they'd be horrified if their girl got pregnant, saying how women loose their appeal after a baby. That I'll never find love.

The babies father, he was a one night stand but he has been supportive. He's always wanted to abort but said he'd be there for me if I kept it. He said he was going to talk to some friends and family to get his head straight and now he's come back telling me he wants to abort, that in no way does he want this child or to be in its life. Everyone keeps telling me I'm destroying my life, that I'll be alone, no friends, no identity, depressed and resenting my baby.

Thing is, if I felt I could raise it alone, I would but I'm not sure. I'm 23, I lost my job the day I fell pregnant, I have no savings, I'm currently living in shared housing. I hate the city I live in, I hate the town I'm from. I grew up in council housing as a kid, mouldy terraced houses in bad areas that were unsafe. That's not the life I wanted for my child, fatherless, pennyless, living in the same bad housing I called home as a kid.

So part of me wonders if everyone is right, if I am being selfish and cruel birthing my child into a life I know I don't want for myself. Yet, I break down everytime I think of aborting my baby. It feels like they're taking my baby away from me. Taking my happiness.

You clearly don’t want an abortion and that’s ok, you are allowed to feel like that. It’s ok to feel attached to your baby and to want them to live. Is there anyone supportive in your life who will just listen to you without telling you what to do? I think you need some RL support to think about what you need to do to make this work. Why did you lose your job?

Yes, you can do it. Is there anyone you can ask for some support while you get on your feet?

Oh op l wish l could give you a hug...the very people you want to be supportive clearly are not.
As you so deeply know you want to keep this baby, you should shut out all the voices, it is your life not theirs.

So start looking forward and making plans,
Now how can you make it work?
Do you work, what skills do you have?

sudoku has lots of helpful links...do your research

Good luck

You need new friends. Their behaviour is appalling. If you want the baby have it. You'll make new mum friends and can ditch these horrible ones.

I had a boyfriend once who said it didn't matter if I got pregnant because I'd just have an abortion. He started paying more attention to contraception when I told him I wouldn't. So I know how hurtful it is to hear such things.

You can apply for child maintenance from the father. You'll most likely get a council flat. You'll be entitled to benefits and can get back to working, so you can get out of that situation. It's not all mouldy properties some are nice and the area ok. Even bad areas are sometimes ok in daylight and it's after dark that's a problem, so whilst you're not working you can easily avoid going out at night.

You might hate your town but you can still do things to improve your own and your DC life, to make living there as good as it can be and one day when everything is in place you can move. Perfect lives don't just spring up and land at your feet, they're made.

You want a baby and you're pregnant, so that's actually positive. You could be wanting a baby and infertile. If the timing seems wrong it's worth remembering that it's never really right either, there'd always be some reason why getting pregnant wouldn't be ideal no matter what else is going on in your life.

The circumstances might not be ideal but how many relationship breaks down because the man is a dickhead or they stay together but the woman is unhappy? This way you're saving yourself that heartache and you won't be looking for or picking a man with one eye on your biological clock, overlooking things you shouldn't be and ending up with a loser. Who wants love if it's with a loser? You're in a position to pick a man based purely on if he's any good and you'll know from the start if he's happy to be a family because he won't date you if he isn't, not be dating him for eg 3yrs then he finally admits he doesn't want kids and you've wasted all that time.