Abortion - Overwhelming grief/depression *Sensitive info*

[maria14022014]

Hi all. I'm looking for a bit of emotional help as I'm feeling totally isolated and alone with my feelings.

Last Thursday I took my 2nd dose and the process started. It's my 2nd abortion so I kind of knew what to expect but wow, it hit me like a ton of bricks despite being pretty headstrong about the whole thing. I'm not sure if it was partly me supressing my real feelings beforehand and telling myself I'm fine, and trying to change the subject every time.

This next part is quite explicit so please beware what I'm about to write isn't very nice to read

My nurse mentioned to me, that whatever passes might come out in my pad or in the toilet and not to fixate myself on it. Well it did pass into my pad and what I saw is what's caused my intense emotions following that. It was perfectly formed, fingers and toes, and I just held it in my hand crying my eyes out knowing I needed to just flush it down the toilet in the most undignified way, which upset me more.

My DP hasn't been supportive, it's like because he's not experiencing it, he forgets I'm going through it all. He was at work, so I was alone when I went through this. I have 2 children 16 & 3, and I haven't rested and carried on as normal. I just now have this intense grief and depression hanging over me. I cry every day, and dream about having a new baby every night. I can't focus on work today (hence me writing this post) and I don't want to disclose this to my boss.

Apologies if this doesn't read very clear, my head isn't very clear at the moment but I needed to reach out for help in the hope that someone knows what I'm going through.

You might find that the homeopathic remedy Ignatia helps you. PM me if you want to talk more about this.

I’m so very sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is incredibly tough.
Please be gentle on yourself. It’s all so very new with what has happened so your mind will be still processing things.
I’d definitely recommend post abortion counselling in order to try clarify what you are thinking and feeling.
Take care. You aren’t alone in this.xxx

@Sudokuzebra

Also, I wrote a long letter to the baby, and named her. You may find it helpful to do the same xx

This is such a lovely idea, thank you. I think this would really help me for closure x

Thank you all, and sorry for unloading my thoughts like that. I was really emotional yesterday morning, but feel a little better this morning after reading your messages. It's really scary and something that nobody should ever have to experience, or try to comprehend.

It will take some time but I'll definitely look into all your suggestions, thank you

I am so sorry you found yourself in a situation, where you had to face such a decision. Please talk to the people Sudokuzebra mentions. These kind of helplines have really helped me.

Could you get signed off for a week perhaps or take some leave, just to give you at least a little space without work pressure? Could DP take on the work at home for a week? I took some time off and got myself out of my normal environment. Putting new experiences between what happened and me made a big difference.

I second the letter writing. I wrote two letters to baby. One explaining our decision to them, which really helped. You can make that a proper and dignified goodbye.

These things are so hard though. I still feel very fragile almost a year later.

I can’t add anything, but I just wanted to send you love and to say that I am thinking of you. Look after yourself.

Also perhaps have a look at this link.

helphopehealing.co.uk/

Stillwaters. They assist women in crisis in pregnancy, miscarriage or abortion. They are so kind and were wonderful. It’s counselling and free of charge. I did it via zoom and didn’t live in Birmingham where they are based. Without a doubt helped my journey.xx

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Please reach out to the places pp's have mentioned. You are not alone