Unplanned 3rd struggling with doing termanation

[Milly87]

Hi,
I'm very blessed with twins who have just started school .
They've not been easy and with not much help I have struggled being a mum at times.
Never had a good support of family outside my home . Work has been a juggle at times! I was at home a lot with them when I had them .
Husband is a good dad tho , but I has been me mainly doing everything with them he works a lot .

To find out I'm pregnant has been a huge shock , weeks of stress I never imagined it would be so difficult but here I am .

I went to Marie stopes at 8 weeks was booked in at 9 for surgical , I didn't go through with it then again at 10 weeks I couldent bring myself again to even go this time!!
I have a app tomo my last chance ... none of my reasons have changed of not wanting this child I have tried so many times to fit this baby in my head but it just fills me with dread.. feel terrible to say that! I know it will effect my children and I feel such guilt on them that I will be taken away from them growing up .
I love them dearly , I've never thought of a 3rd baby.
I also can't breastfeed due to complications with my breasts so this is a cloud over me .
I told my parents in shock when I found out and they've been very anti and I've fallen out with them over it -we are not talking still . Hasn't helped :(

My main part for keep cancelling is the doing it part , I feel like it's awful . It would be so much easier if my dh could be in there holding my hand . Feels so awful and Alone when your in the clinic .

Anyone advise would be great! This has been consuming me for weeks and I have raging symptoms too which isn't helping , I don't get on well with pregnancy.
Thanks for reading!

I am sorry you are in this situation. I have been here to and had a medical termination. It was a heart rending decision and I did struggle to deal with it, not so much the physical part but I felt so guilty. It was the right decision for the same reasons as you have.

Noone can tell you what the right thing is really, what does your DH say? It's horrible as it mainly falls to the women. I am here if you want to ask any questions, you are not alone.

Thanks , it's so difficult isn't it. How are you feeling about it now ?

My Dh agrees from what I have said from the start that I don't want another child but he will fully support if I can't go ahead .

I am ok now as I can accept it was the right thing to do as a family. However, I did not have my DH support, I didn't really want to do it but that's another story. I have dealt with that side and don't really think to much about it. My heart goes out when I hear these situations because there is no easy answer.

You sound like you feel it's the right thing to do though?, it's just the physical act now? I did walk away once but then went back.

Thanks for your reply ! Well I say he fully supports me but I know deep down if I don't go ahead he will be stressed with the fact we have a 3rd on the way and we both have agreed it's not what we want .
We have had a few tense moments in these past weeks and as I have pulled out already twice he prob is more prepared for me to not do so to speak .
But yes I have my mind make up it's the doing it part and going there I hate :(

It is tough to go through the physical side, if you can you need to take time for yourself as your hormones will be affected. I did have counselling specifically for this a few months after which really helped, it helped me box off my feelings and sort them to the point, I accept it was the right thing to do.

Thanks! I did think I would need some counselling after .
Fingers crossed for me it all works out!

I was in your shoes 9 (actually 7ish?) months ago. Totally shocked to find I was pregnant with a 3rd, with 2 just starting school and nursery. I wanted a termination but ultimately didn't have one. Just couldn't manage it.

I sought help with my mental health as I was really struggling - right up until the day before she was born I was wishing I wasn't pregnant. I hated myself for feeling that way but I hated the fact I was pregnant even more. I could not picture my future and could not think of anything good about having another child. It was a crushing, overwhelming dread and fear.

I now have a 3 week old and she is absolutely amazing. I'm in love with her and the family feels complete BUT that is not to say that termination would not be the right decision in a practical, health, financial or other reason.

It's so, so hard to know what to do. In the end you have to go with your gut and make the best of it for yourself and your family. You will get through it but I really feel for you.

Best of luck to you. I've had lots of support on MN this year when I've felt very low so keep posting. x

Thank you for your comment nice to hear from someone who's on the other side .

It's so tough and only I can't imagine it being this tough but know now im this situ it really has been :(

This is my thoughts , me keeping the 3rd I wouldn't be like I was with my other children the lead up to the birth etc .

I can't imagine being excited , I feel terrible for these thoughts and my twins was very wanted!

Im annoyed this has gone on for so long , but I'm never ready for it!

I was the same, I had 2 IVF babies and was DESPERATE for them. Absolutely adored and worshipped them from the second they became embryos. Then a surprise pregnancy and it could not have been more different. The past 9 months have been torture and I've shed so many tears, so confused and guilty and sad. I couldn't choose a name, didn't even pack a hospital bag or look out any newborn clothes until a few days before she was born.

Now she is here, honestly she is utterly precious and I love her every inch as much as the first two. I'm obviously glad it has turned out this way but I'll never forget how hard it was to be pregnant and have to make such a hard decision.

What are the reasons for not wanting another? Are they things that can be addressed? For example, we've now got a mother's help who comes one afternoon a week and helps with the kids. The older ones love her and it gives me a bit of breathing room. The older ones being in school also helps as it's just the baby for 6 hours each day.

If you do decide to go ahead with the termination look after yourself mentally and physically. xx

Your story sounds very similar to mine my thoughts was the same for them .

We are not close to our families part of it being is the lack of help or interest in the twins , so I know from the outset im already on my own with this . Which is fine there my children why do I need help, but we don't have any time solo as adults or anyone really showing much interest .
Part of my reasons for termanation is the lack of family support if I'm honest .

I'm glad your feeling happy now and I can imagine I would be the same up until the lead up .

I was in this situation a few years ago but with singles, not twins. Ultimately I couldn't have the abortion although I was booked in.

Like you I've had no family support (apart from supportive DH) and it's been tough. It's also expensive!! It's definitely affected our marriage at times due to the extra pressure. I also worry for the future in terms of 3 x university fees (if they all go) and just helping them get set up in life really.

DC3 is a wonderful child and I am glad we had another. But it's such a hard decision and there's no right or wrong answer.

I think a neutral third party could help you talk through your feelings. There's still time to do this.

Hi, thanks that's it very expensive paying for childcare and just not having that helping hand thaf I've needed at times .

What do you mean to change my mind ? I have the app tomo it's my last chance to sort it . 😖😖

How are you doing? X