Ex doesn't want this baby

[Bear45]

Found out I am pregnant with my ex, stupid one night thing, I'm on the pill 🤷🏻‍♀️
He doesn't want it, says I should get an abortion.
His grandad killed him self earlier in the year and he has struggled mentally since, I've tried to get him to talk to someone but he won't. We split up because of his drinking and him not functioning properly so he moved back in with his parents.
I've found out he is still drinking daily and it's affecting his work so I fully understand that he isn't in a good place.
However, I feel I am. I have 2 older children and always wanted another and feel that if I don't do this it'll be too late (I'm 34 and single) I brought my 2 up completely on my own except for the last 3 years and managed no problem.
I've got a better job and a secure house now so im in a better position than I was in back then.
But I don't want to make him more depressed by going ahead with it.
Sorry for the rant and if it doesn't make sense I just needed to get it out of my head

Stop thinking about what HE wants and focus on what you want.

Consider this though - do you want a child who potentially will not know their father because he's unstable and likely never on the scene?

I agree that you need to take him out of the equation. Since you are the one who will be raising this baby alone, it's really only a question of what you want to do.
When he gets pregnant, he can choose!
Also, someone in a poor mental state isn't in a position to really know what they want, so I wouldn't be making decisions on the basis of his current opinion. If he was mentally well, his pov could be entirely different.

Do what works for you.

He can worry about himself.

What happens if you have an abortion and then he decides that you having an abortion has upset his MH?

I agree 100% with stop thinking about what he wants. But you are only 34. However, if you want the baby and can manage 3 children and hd might not be of much help anyway. I wouldn't even take his wishes into consideration since he has scarpered to his parents. Pathetic. Good luck.

Its OK for you both to want different things, but at the end of the day its your body and your choice to carry the pregnancy on. If you want another baby then go for it, but just know you will likely be alone.

@toomuchlaundry

What happens if you have an abortion and then he decides that you having an abortion has upset his MH?

I'm worried if I have an abortion it'll affect my mental health, I wouldn't want to do something I'd regret and not be able to change

Surely it’s normal to not want an unplanned baby with your ex? I think he’s feelings are understandable, I was in exactly this situation, unplanned pregnancy ex didn’t want it, he’s never bothered with her since and she’s 4 now, he has no contact with her at all, I don’t regret having her but it has been hard as I’m a single mum to 4, it’s up to you if you want to continue but don’t do it thinking he will change his mind or come around as my ex hasn’t (I didn’t go into it thinking he would I’m just saying be prepared that you might not hear from him again)

That's why it has to be your choice, and nothing to do with him, especially as you are not even together (would still ultimately be your choice if you were together). I was just saying that you are worried about making him more depressed, but in a few months time he might have had a change of thinking and want a baby and if you had the abortion that might impact his depression too.

I know I can do it, I've done it twice already on my own with no input from my girls dad and they (I know I'm biased but they're good kids)
I just don't want to not do it and regret it and hate myself

@TurnUpTurnip

Surely it’s normal to not want an unplanned baby with your ex? I think he’s feelings are understandable, I was in exactly this situation, unplanned pregnancy ex didn’t want it, he’s never bothered with her since and she’s 4 now, he has no contact with her at all, I don’t regret having her but it has been hard as I’m a single mum to 4, it’s up to you if you want to continue but don’t do it thinking he will change his mind or come around as my ex hasn’t (I didn’t go into it thinking he would I’m just saying be prepared that you might not hear from him again)

Yes his feelings are normal for the situation and I completely understand them. How ever he doesn't want to even hear my feelings as to why I don't want to have an abortion and that is what is getting to me

What if he decided he wanted 50/50 custody after all, would he be dependable?

Yeah they never do want to hear, my ex told me an abortion was “just taking a pill” 🤦🏻 Do what you want honestly, it’s unlikely he will want 50/50 tbh....

@stairgates

What if he decided he wanted 50/50 custody after all, would he be dependable?

He was always amazing with my girls when we were together and he'd be a fantastic dad if he wanted to. Really he need councilling to talk about everything that's happened and hopefully get him some help with his mental health

I agree with the others to keep the pregnancy if that’s what you want.

It sounds like your ex is in a total mess but I don’t think you can save him from that. He can’t hear your side because he is too deep in self pity at the moment. It sounds like he has the potential to come round though.

You'll clearly regret an abortion more than a child.

Congratulations x

I’d stop trying to talk to him. It doesn’t sound like you’ll get him to decide it’s a good idea to have the baby so discount him completely as the decision is solely yours and if you’re ready to go it alone then do.

It sounds like you know what you want so you’re wasting energy trying to engage with him.

He should have used a condom, especially if it was a one night stand between people no longer together.